James Weir recaps The Bachelor Australia 2020 episode 2

An “embarrassing” saucy photo has kicked The Bachelor’s catfight up a notch. And the insults got petty. James Weir recaps.

An “embarrassing” racy photo kicks The Bachelor’s catfight up a notch on Thursday as the angry redhead continues her crusade against blondes and brunettes while her arch nemesis intentionally mispronounces her name throughout the entire episode.

It’s honestly a work of art and all Karens should study it as a lesson in being peak passive aggressive.

JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read all the recaps here

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Zoe-Clare had a NIGHT. Last time we saw her, she was at the depths of a paranoia spiral and accusing Areeba of redhead discrimination. We should probably check in to see how she’s doing.

You OK, girl?

Righto then.

With time comes perspective. For Zoe-Clare, infinity will never be long enough.

“Areeba is targeting me for being a redhead, to be honest with you,” she declares.

She’s a true crusader and won’t stop until redheads have equal rights. It’s bad enough they get sunburnt easily, even on overcast days. But to be treated like second class citizens? It’s disgusting. We brunettes and blondes are the problem and this is our wake up call. Time’s up!

We can see how upset Zoe-Clare is but we still think this might just all be a misunderstanding. Is Areeba really targeting her for being a redhead?

We’re certain she’s not, so we go knock on Areeba’s door to talk it out.

“Locky needs to get to know me – not the red girl, Zoe-Clay,” she says, mispronouncing Zoe-Clare’s name. She insists on mispronouncing it like this for the rest of the episode.

Annnnd everything seems on track.

Osher delivers a date card and some chick named Bella gets it. She’s super sweet and lovely and kind and we’re a bit annoyed producers drag us away to hang with someone so meek when there’s an angry redhead raising hell back at the mansion.

It’s a sail boat date and producers on this show really have a knack for booking all ocean-based activities on overcast days. It never looks fun.

“This is hella romantic,” Locky yells into the wind as the boat almost capsizes.

The Titanic but with influencers.

Afterwards, Bella gushes she loved the sailing. And … sure girl. It was “the sailing” you loved. I also love “sailing”.

“Sailing” is awesome.

The great thing about this show is it’s all about prioritising love and relationships. No one understands this better than Laura.

“I just keep going down the rabbit hole and thinking about our life together and my Porsche Cayenne Turbo,” she sighs.

It’s time for the first group date of the year and it’s the annoying dress up photo shoot. Boo. These dates always drag. If we wanted to watch people posing for endless photos we’d go down to Opera Bar on a Sunday arvo.

Areeba gives us the hot pro tip: “I’m always ready to get a photo taken. It’s all in the eyes and the lips.”

And she’s right. Something definitely looks like it’s in her eyes and lips.

Nailed it.

Laura’s also feeling confident.

“It’s time to show these basic bitches that Locky’s mine,” she mutters as the camera lighting causes a weird reflection to splatter across her boobs.

Great trick to get a guy’s attention.

Of course she nails it in the photo shoot.

Get it, girl.

On these photo shoot dates, there’s always one girl who gets the crap end of the stick. Some ladies get the great outfits and the sexy poses, while others are transformed into your old creepy math tutor who always insisted on rubbing your neck.

Hot tip: Costumes are a great way to spice up a relationship.

Of course Areeba and Zoe-Clay are paired together in the same photo shoot and we insist on knowing which troll of a producer is responsible for this. We want a name! They deserve to be congratulated.

WHO DID THIS?

“I just took a deep breath and remembered who Areeba is. And Areeba is never worried. Areeba is always ready to take what’s hers,” Areeba says, really committing to the third person delivery.

Still, she’s no match for Zoe-Clay. Zoe-Clay is just relentless on this date and flirts up a storm with Locky. She rubs up against him and smooshes her face in his and demands he pick her up.

The other girls watching are uncomfortable. Is Areeba still not worried?

“If I laugh a lot, it means I’m actually very pissed off,” she tells us.

And how pissed off is she on this date?

‘HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.’

“It was pathetic and it made her look bad. I am not threatened by that redhead. She’s f**king embarrassing,” Areeba snips about Zoe-Clay’s racy photo poses.

And just when we think the photo shoot date can’t get more painful, some random blonde chick from the Gold Coast appears wearing a wedding dress and producers just let her join as a contestant.

2020 has no rules.

Everyone reacts appropriately.

“F**k. F**k. F**K. What the f**k!” one chick sobs as others run out of the room in tears.

Areeba’s so angry she can’t even laugh. Her face is just frozen and emitting a high pitch frequency, like a dog whistle.

She dreams of a simpler time – the days when roses were plentiful and all she had to worry about was an angry redhead.

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