Can last-ditch switch change The Bachelor’s sinking ratings?

On its last legs after its worst launch in history, a last-ditch change is being actioned to save The Bachelor. James Weir recaps.

Why won’t free-to-air networks let our once-loved TV shows die with dignity?

Instead, we have to watch them languish and deteriorate — fading away until they become just shadows of the lively programs we once enjoyed.

Then, just as the shows are about to be put out of their misery — so they can peacefully drift off to that big ol’ TV screen in the sky where Being Lara Bingle plays on an infinite loop — the defibrillators are pulled out.

This morbid analogy is specifically related to Channel 10 and the news that its reality dating show The Bachelor will be getting emergency surgery to buy it another year.

The decision comes off the back of 2021’s abysmal ratings. The franchise had its worst launch in history with just 482,000 metro viewers tuning in. Throughout the season, that number dipped to a low of 360,000. The series died so gruesomely in the ratings it technically could’ve changed genres from “reality TV” to “true crime”.

After years of these steadily declining numbers, Channel 10 and Warner Bros — the production company behind the show — have decided to give it CPR.

This year’s upcoming series of The Bachelor is getting a revamp by ditching its regular Sydney setting and moving up north to the Gold Coast — an iconic Australian paradise synonymous with sun, surf and Schapelle Corby.

The glitz! The glamour! The glassings!

Maybe even The Bachelor’s cold and grey corpse can look half-decent with a Queensland tan.

What does the Gold Coast have that Sydney doesn’t? If producers want beaches, they’ve already got ‘em in Sydney — iconic ones, too — but they went mostly unused for the past nine seasons.

Instead of hanging at Bondi, we the viewers were made suffer through countless boat dates where contestants cruised around harbour coves on overcast weekday afternoons. And then there were the day trip dates to the Blue Mountains, where it always seemed to be raining.

In hindsight, the show doesn’t need a location change. It just needs one of the producers to check the weather app.

... And occasionally we’ve been treated to paddle boarding during a storm.

Maybe Osh can do the rose ceremonies at the Hard Rock Cafe in Surfers Paradise.

If a move to the Gold Coast is all it takes to fix the fortunes of The Bachelor, maybe the same could’ve been done for Network 10’s other sinking ship, Neighbours. The Australian soap has been canned after 37 years, with its last episode set to air in August.

The problem could’ve been solved by ditching those losers in Ramsay St and creating Neighbours 2.0 up on Cavill Ave.

Perhaps moving The Bachelor to the Gold Coast is a sign of greater change. Something that has always hindered The Bachelor is the resistance from producers to lean into the trashbaggery, like its dating show rival, Married At First Sight.

In the US, The Bachelor is seen as a prestige franchise and a lot of work goes into maintaining that glossy sheen. Here in Australia, we’re not that precious. Scuff it up.

The Gold Coast is a perfectly debaucherous backdrop for things to get messy.

There’s a reason Married At First Sight belts all the other shows in the ratings. The dirty laundry isn’t hidden. It’s dragged into the middle of the street and set on fire.

This week’s finale of the scandalous Channel 9 social experiment recorded a series high with 1.2 million metro viewers tuning in to watch what was really just repurposed best-of footage from all the scandals throughout the season.

This year, the show gave us an (almost) glassing incident and a nude pic scandal. Then there was the affair, but that’s really just a baked-in feature of the show that comes as standard, like electric windows on a Honda.

The glassing incident caused sparks to fly, like … like … well, like shards of glass.

Just a regular Wednesday night on MAFS.

Producers on The Bachelor better be taking notes. They also better start thinking about how to make good use of everything the Gold Coast has to offer.

Maybe, whenever a girl gets eliminated at the rose ceremony, she’s then taken to Dreamworld and made to eat her body weight in dagwood dogs before riding the Giant Drop until she hurls.

And if producers are looking to fill an episode, maybe Osher just gives all the girls twenty bucks each and then lets ‘em loose in Jupiters Casino to see the chaos that ensues. By midnight, they’ll be terrorising the streets as they run north to Surfers Paradise, playing leapfrog over parking meters.

Let’s redefine what free-to-air TV looks like in 2022. Enough with the network battlelines — let’s do a crossover episode where the MAFS lunatics infiltrate The Bachelor universe.

It’s an idea Hollywood has been trying to do for years with a Marvel and DC Comics crossover movie.

And Australia’s reality shows have a lot in common with those blockbuster superhero franchises. The plot lines are equally ridiculous and the outfits are just as tacky.

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir