MKR recap: The ‘slut’ comment that shocked everyone

JOSH from MKR has always been annoying, but this time he went way too far. The looks on the other contestant’s faces say it all.

HELLO, and welcome to the “I BEG YOUR PARDON?” episode of MKR.

Get ready to use this face a lot:

Excuuuuuuuse me?

We’re back in pre-cyclone sunny Queensland, and it’s Amy and Tyson’s turn to host a super-sized instant restaurant. The competition leaders have to offer two entrees, two mains, and two desserts, so they start shopping for as many obscure ingredients as possible.

Yes three kilos of hoofs and snouts please.

Amy and Tyson’s menu reads like a terrible freeway accident involving three different produce trucks, with incongruous bits and pieces smashed together in the wrong order. There’s flowers in the entree, tropical fruit in the mains, gin and tonic in the dessert, and parsnips where nobody should ever put parsnips.

The guests, dressed outrageously glamorously including Ros’s traditional shoulder cut-outs, speculate over just how bizarre the dishes are going to be. “They haven’t used testes yet, so we could get testes tonight”, David warns.

Um … I BEG YOUR PARDON?

Hashtag sequined sex organs.

He continues, saying “If I walked into a restaurant and saw this as the menu, I’d probably walk out”.

At this point we’re wondering if anyone else is ever going to say anything harsh this episode. So far even Josh has only said stupid, inoffensive stuff, like how to cook scampi (when he’s never cooked it) and “hello” (when nobody’s really that pleased to see him).

But Josh doesn’t keep us waiting long.

When the scampi-with-fruit and livers-with-flowers entrees are being served, Amy places a dish in front of Josh, the self-professed seafood king, and playfully says “Here you are, Seafood King!”.

Josh decides that instead of showing sincere appreciation for Amy’s work, or respecting her as a guest in her home, or behaving like a decent human being with an existing understanding of how people who aren’t babies behave, he’s going to answer with:

“Thanks, slut”.

Oh, you’ve done it now.

I.

BEG.

YOUR.

PARDON?

Karen thinks it’s disgusting and disrespectful. Amy thinks it’s annoying. “That is really offensive” Della claims, either reacting to Josh’s ungrateful, juvenile slur or seeing his modelling shots for the first time.

Socks with sandals. Offensive.

Once the outrage has subsided and the baby at the table has complained that the passionfruit seeds in his entree hurt his teefs, Amy and Tyson cop a minor battering for their first dishes. Sometimes experimentation just doesn’t hit the mark.

So what to do for main? Be conservative and risk-averse, or serve tuna with dragonfruit and get Tyson to dot lime aioli anywhere he sees a blank space?

Itsy bitsy teeny weeny flavoured dots of lime aioli.

“I’m not sure if it’s genius or madness”, Amy says.

David knows. David knows what it is.

“Looking at this dish, it makes me feel a bit queasy”, he says. “I’ve got this fear of dots, and it just looked like a bunch of pus all over my plate. I’m gonna throw up”.

Yeah.

Wait.

I beg your pardon?

Okay, so David’s referring to trypophobia, the world’s most fashionable aversion to clusters of holes, dots or bumps.

So, for example, the sight of a lotus seed pod, a trypophobic’s worst nightmare, can trigger a panic response.

Like this, David. David. David, look.

Terror and revulsion aside, the main course dishes are a success. Hopefully all the shocks are over by now. Let’s just relax and eat our dessert of … of …

… of braised parsnip, curry lemon curd, and basil ice cream.

I beg your parsnip?

I’ll need a pair of gin and tonics to get over the whole concept. Or like, a gin and tonic pear, Amy and Tyson’s other dessert.

The judges froth and foam over the desserts, claiming that the pair’s experimentation has definitely paid off. The other dinner party guests are just marginally, almost imperceptibly less sure.

Ipecac, table four.

By the time we get to the pointy end, scores are all over the place, with the judges ranging from an entree four to a dessert 10. Hard as they tried, the “QLD Serious siblings” can’t beat Valerie and Courtney.

I don’t know about you, but Tyson and Amy have really grown on me since they were first introduced, and I really want them to stay in the competition with their adventurous risk-taking and intelligent humour.

Then again, I’ve always been a sl*t for intelligent humour.

The final score.

Jo Thornely is a writer who loves it when you explain her jokes back to her on Twitter. Follow her @JoThornely