‘Undateable’: Brutal warning for angry Married At First Sight wife’s future

The MAFS experts have given a brutal forecast about the future dating life of one wife. James Weir recaps.

A finger-wagging Married At First Sight wife whose temper tantrums scare her husband is issued a sobering warning at Sunday’s commitment ceremony when she’s told by the show’s experts she’s practically undateable, which seems to be the number one selection criteria for contestants on this prestigious experiment.

Each year, Australia is presented with our nation’s most undateable singletons and we watch in awe as they gaslight and blime-fibe. Their lies – and lives – fall apart before our very eyes. Then, when the circus leaves town, these freaks are booted back out into the real world, where they’re even more undateable than before.

And the wheel goes ‘round.

JAMES WEIR RECAPS:Read all the recaps here

Tonight really centres around a stiletto-stomping lady named Sara and her secret rendezvous with an ex-boyfriend. It was all exposed at last week’s dinner party, but there are still so many unanswered questions. Like, when she met up with the former flame, did she in fact wear a cute dress OR a nice top?

“You wanted to wear a cute dress for your ex,” Tim accuses his wife.

At last week’s dinner party, it was revealed Sara asked to borrow a sexy outfit from fellow MAFS wife Eden for the secret date.

“I didn’t wear a cute dress,” Sara rebuts.

“You asked Eden for a cute dress,” Tim hits back.

“I asked her for a shirt. I didn’t say a cute dress,” Sara insists.

OK, Sare, but jeans and a nice top can still send the wrong message to an ex.

“That’s not the point. I’m not getting into the details,” Sara dismisses. “Today’s not about what happened last night. I don’t want to defend myself.”

We snort-laugh. Oh, Sare. Today is only about what was revealed last night. And you will be forced to defend yourself.

Please bring the nice top in a zip-lock bag so we can archive it as Exhibit A.

We’re gonna find out once and for all if it was a cute dress or a nice top.

The townsfolk of Trash Tower promptly gather in the piazza to watch the experts interrogate Sara at the weekly commitment ceremony. Within seconds of hitting the couch, the cheating wife’s lies begin to unravel as she makes bold statements that contradict each other. She hasn’t hooked up with her ex for six years, she says – seemingly forgetting the fact that, just 24 hours ago, she admitted to sleeping with him a month before coming into this experiment.

“Sara, a very important point: friends don’t get naked and have sex,” expert John Aiken declares.

Then he lobs a question that really makes her head explode: why did you wanna borrow a cute dress to impress your ex?

Before she can scream, “IT WAS A NICE TOP!”, John scolds her for browbeating Tim and playing the victim when she’s actually the villain.

She’s not even given a chance to pull out Exhibit A.

‘IT. WAS. A. NICE. TOP.’

“Your fight style is combative and it’s aggressive,” John says, as we mentally replay all the times Sara has loomed over the dinner table, pointing and screaming. “And Tim is too scared to mention anything. There’s not an apology or sense of remorse or accountability.”

Aiken then serves it up cold: Be nicer, or remain undateable.

“If that doesn’t change, it’s gonna make it very hard for someone to date you,” he warns.

Tim, finally feeling safe and supported, clears his throat and proceeds to speak up for the first time.

“Yeah I just feel that-”

“Yeah, can I just finish what I was saying?” Sara interrupts, scolding her husband again. “I was just getting to a point and now I don’t know where I was at … Um … what was I saying … Um …”

The Trash Tower townsfolk boo and hiss, calling her out for not learning her lesson.

“She’s taking this whole f**king thing for a ride,” Tori sneers and, yes, we agree … but so’s ya own husband.

Don’t you get cocky, Tores.

Tim’s humiliated and heartbroken. He can barely sit up straight. Defeat weighs him down. He holds up his decision card: Leave.

Of course, Sara holds up her card to reveal that she — and, in turn, Tim — will be staying.

Hope Eden has got a few more cute dresses for her to borrow.

Facebook: @hellojamesweir