‘The edge’: Ugly fight explodes on Married At First Sight

The MAFS experts have been left gasping as they watched the contestants break out in an atrocious row that left many siding with the groom. James Weir recaps.

The MAFS freaks cut sick like Barnaby Joyce convulsing on a footpath.

A couple is pushed to the edge during an intense clash on Wednesday’s Married At First Sight while one wife comes to the brutal realisation she might not like her husband because he’s a “television watcher” who “eats sugar”.

The experts are shocked. Not shocked enough to do anything about it. But shocked enough to serve up horrified facial expressions that can be used in the TV promos.

It all takes place at the weekly dinner party — a sophisticated soiree where everyone gets drunk and goes full-tilt Barnaby Joyce by convulsing on the ground while calling each other a “dead f**king c***”.

JAMES WEIR RECAPS:Read all the recaps here

Before we head to the dinner party, we check in on all the freaks at Trash Tower as they get ready for the night ahead. Tori has just returned from a stroll outside where she was accosted by a hooligan: Timothy.

“When I saw Timothy, he really ruined my hot girl walk, first and foremost,” she sighs to her husband Jack. “I bumped into him, which I always do, because he’s never at home — because he doesn’t like his wife. He had just really bitter things to say about you and me. He doesn’t think we’re genuine.”

Jack bites into his toast.

“I think we’re the strongest couple here,” he blurts with his mouth full.

Yeah. You guys are as sturdy as a soggy slice of Tip Top.

Just yesterday, Jack told the boys he isn’t sexually attracted to his wife. Now, it seems Timothy is on a mission to expose it all in a dramatic showdown. On their hot girl walk, he warned Tori he was going to zone in on her and the man-bunned PT she calls a husband.

Tori amps herself up for a fight.

“He’s not very articulate,” she muses about Timothy. “And my job in the outside world is to argue with cashed-up businessmen. So if he wants to go, I’ll go – but he won’t like it.”

In this moment, Tori overtakes Lauren as the show’s MVP.

We would like all episodes to begin with Tori’s hot girl walks.

When we arrive at the dinner party, everyone runs to the bar and grabs a bottle of whatever liquor they can find. Timothy launches in on his targets in five, four, three, two …

“The sex thing!” he blurts, waving an arm across the table at Jack and Tori. “Jack’s a sexual person! You’re a sexual person! (And) It’s not happening!”

Yes, we know Jack’s a donkey. But Timothy’s scared of his wife’s boobs and forces her to sleep in a straitjacket. The point is: this is a classic case of the pot calling the kettle frigid.

We need a spin-off series of Tori arguing with those old rich men in her office.

“There’s nothin’ wrong with havin’ an opinion!” Timothy continues to taunt. “That’s my right and that’s my duty! We don’t live in a communist country and I can say anything about anyone at any time.”

He immediately changes his opinion on this when everyone starts serving up their own opinions regarding him.

“You’re clutching!” Tori shoots back. “You’re like, oH yOu MusN’t LikE eAcH OtHeR! yA NoT sLeEpInG tOgEtHeR!’ … You don’t even f***ing like ya wife!”

There aren’t enough energy crystals in the word to protect Lucinda from this harsh remark. It snags in her dream catcher and leaves her spinning like a white-winged dove.

“At this point, I’m still assessing if Tim’s for me! Let’s not discount that,” she tells the group, trying to take back some power. “Because our lifestyles are very different. He’s a television watcher! He eats sugar!”

Just … wow. Discrimination on the dating scene is a problem that’s too often swept under the rug. It’s so upsetting that, in 2024, you still can’t look at a profile on Grindr or Tinder without seeing offensive statements like “no television watchers” and “no sugar eaters”. It’s hard — particularly in the sugar eating community. We cop such public shame for eating sugar and then we feel so bad about it that we just wind up filling the void with even more sugar. It’s a vicious, delicious cycle.

Loving the hair swoop tonight, doll xx

Andrea tries to change the mood by bringing the dinner party chat back to something a little more intelligent and sophisticated.

“DO YOU LIKE A TONGUE IN YOUR EAR HOLE?” she asks the gang.

Ew! Nan and pop! Please go inside and watch a rerun of Maeve O’Meara’s Food Safari on SBS.

Let’s play a game of Would You Rather! Would you rather … have grandpa Richard slurp his tongue in your ear hole? … Or be forced to listen to Ben’s amateur podcast on an endless loop, 24-7, for the rest of your life?

Ellie finds herself trapped in the latter scenario. Everyone else can see she needs to run far away. But Ben continues to fool her into thinking he’s here for the right reasons — despite an endless string of flubs. The latest misstep came just the other night in bed, when he told her, “Do you really think that I’m your match? We’re not a match”.

Now, at the dinner table, everyone finds out and cuts sick on him.

“He’s full of shit,” Lauren disses Ben.

He retaliates with a furious eye roll.

She’s gonna destroy him like a bucket of her beloved KFC.

Sara gets all cocky and starts waving around her fork while yelling, “I call bullshit!”

Little does she know the tribe will be calling bullshit on her in a matter of milliseconds.

The forks are gonna be getting waved at you soon, girl.

The lively dinner party conversation swiftly pivots to Sara and her browbeaten husband Tim, who planned three cute dates during the week only for the missus to cancel them all because she was hungover.

Sara reacts with her trademark calm personalit-

“No you didn’t! YOU DIDN’T!” she screams over him.

For weeks, we’ve watched Sara dismiss her husband and raise her voice. She was scolded by the experts on Sunday for intimidating him. And, just hours before the dinner party, she mocked him for being too “emotional and sensitive”.

Now, at the dining table, it reaches a climax. With his wife screaming over him and pointing her finger, Tim loses control.

“YES I DID!” he booms back, wagging a finger in the air.

“Don’t you yell at me!” she howls.

“You’re not letting me have a voice!” he roars.

Can we go back to talking about tonguing ear holes?

She shoots up from her chair and click-clacks as fast as she can out of the room in her Perspex stilettos and bodycon dress.

“Don’t you ever f**king yell at me!” she … yells. “You f**king prick!”

Down in the basement, the experts watch the drama unfold on the CCTV footage. They gasp.

“She’s pushed him to the edge,” Mel Schilling mutters.

Maybe you guys should, like, do something?

Tim follows his wife out to the dark nook where she’s sulking.

“Literally never yell in my face again!” she … yells … in his … face. “NEVER yell in my face again!”

It’s safe to say neither of their ear holes will be getting tongued tonight.

Facebook: @hellojamesweir

Somethin’ on ya mind, hon?