Married At First Sight: Lucinda expelled from Timothy’s gross apartment

A MAFS wife has entered the messy dwelling of the man she’s dating. Their relationship crumbles within hours. James Weir recaps.

A Married At First Sight husband’s gross apartment provides a nightmarish backdrop to the crumbling of his marriage as he abandons his wife and makes her feel less special than the puddle of dog pee on the living room carpet.

Monday’s episode follows all the freaks as they flee Trash Tower and catch Jetstar flights to their home towns. This is an important stage of the experiment. After all, seeing the inside of their crap shacks is more revealing than anything that can be extracted in the weekly therapy sessions.

Important red flags are exposed. Are they a fully grown adult who chooses to push their bed into the corner against the wall rather than in the centre of the room? It’s a dumpable offence with zero leniency.

JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read all the recaps here

Pull on ya hazmat suit and join Lucinda as she enters the toxic chamber that is Timothy’s apartment. There’s grit and grime on every surface. Filth particles float through the air. Is that a crack of light shining through? We can’t be sure – the windows are clouded in soot.

“Ahh, the dog pissed on the carpet,” Timothy grunts.

He haphazardly blots the stain with a bath towel that we assume has never been washed. The dog eats a raw chicken wing off the carpet next to the pee stain.

Shaynna Blaze would have a fit.

Something we love about the home visits on all these dating shows is that we get the chance to judge everyone’s crappy decor. At Timothy’s, we’re introduced to the new homewares range from Officeworks.

“Is that an … industrial photocopier?” Lucinda squints at the large piece of office machinery that’s positioned next to the couch like some kind of side table.

She lifts the lid of the scanner and finds the panel of glass has been smashed from when “someone” tried photocopying their butt.

Can’t wait for the OfficeworksXCocoRepublic collab.

Moving into the bedroom, we see Timothy’s mattress shoved firmly into the corner, against the wall. PSA: This interior design choice is something to avoid if you’re a fully grown adult who wants any kind of romantic life. The only thing bringing a spark of electricity to this bedroom is the extension cord that appears to run across the mattress and through an open window to the patio.

It’s both a safety and bio hazard.

Timothy’s rat nest is nothing like the sanctuary Lucinda has thoughtfully curated for herself back in Byron Bay. Still, she’s willing to bend and shift to allow for her husband’s differences. Little does she know, there aren’t enough selenite crystals in Mullumbimby to cleanse the stank outta this kennel.

Side note: Eden is AWOL and misses her flight to the Gold Coast with husband Jayden. Maybe she has somehow become lost under the rubble in Timothy’s apartment?

It’d be easier just to burn it down and move apartments.

Anyway, all the progress Lucinda has made with Timothy in recent weeks disappears on the very first day of the home visit. There is simply no room for her — in his apartment or life. The metaphorical and literal bed is pressed firmly up against the wall and there’s only enough space for one person to slide on in.

He tells her he’s stepping out for a few minutes. Seven hours pass. No word.

Lucinda tries her best to remain calm. She meditates. Does some box breathing. But this treatment from Timothy is enough to make even the most Zen yogi cut sick.

“Most of the homestay has been pretty minimal chips … with a dribbling of gravy,” she says. “I haven’t felt that welcome. I haven’t felt that he has really wanted to be around me. I get the vibe he really can’t be bothered.”

She organises a picnic the next day and pledges to talk out their troubles. It’s all a bit short notice and the only grassy location producers can find is a roadside median strip.

Lucinda is dolled up in the rare fur pelt of a Cookie Monster.

Timothy sits in silence. He doesn’t acknowledge any of the effort his wife has gone to with the charcuterie board. He probably doesn’t even know how to pronounce the word “charcuterie”. Behind them is Tim’s inflatable jacuzzi, which Lucinda has dragged out for the two of them to enjoy, even though it will infect her skin with folliculitis.

“Last night, you told me you were going out for an hour … you came back seven or eight hours later. I felt hurt,” she finally tells him.

“This whole experience I haven’t felt welcome. Tim, you haven’t let me in. You’ve been giving me a whole energy that I’m a hindrance to your space. I find you very moody, generally. And I get that it’s tough for you but, at the same time, I need to have fun.”

He flips out and starts ranting about how he didn’t think he’d have to talk about his emotions on this show. Timothy, there are Deal Or No Deal contestants who give us more emotion than you.

“I can’t! I’ve got nothing left! I’m just over it!” he yells while storming off.

Lucinda plucks a slice of salami of the charcuterie board.

Lucinda has an abundance of love and deli meats to give.

“I don’t wanna f**kin’ talk!” Tim screams into the woods. “F**k me! I’m gonna catch an Uber. I’m going. I’m done. I’m out.”

Lucinda doesn’t run after him. She’s sick of being the earth mother to someone who won’t stop polluting the beautiful oasis she’s creating.

“I deserve better than this,” she says while packing up the wine and cheese. “This is not what I want for me in a partnership. What he’s got to give … respectfully, it’s not for me. I am defining what I want in my life … and it’s very different to this.”

She’ll just need to duck back to Timothy’s crap shack one more time to photocopy the divorce papers.

Facebook: @hellojamesweir