Married At First Sight: Elderly father begs MAFS groom to sleep with daughter

A father has infiltrated the MAFS experiment and meddled with his daughter’s sex life in an attempt to save it. James Weir recaps.

An elderly father begs a Married At First Sight husband to sleep with his middle-aged daughter on Monday night in painful scenes that will leave permanent damage, much like the matching his-and-hers tattoos Jack and Tori brand themselves with.

Would you rather: have your dad demand sex on your behalf? Or etch a devil-horned cherub tattoo into your thigh to commemorate the time your husband said he’s not attracted to you?

These are your options and you have to choose one. We don’t make the rules. John Aiken does.

JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read all the recaps here

After last night’s commitment ceremony, everyone hates each other. More than usual. Some have even disappeared. We find Ellie frantically calling her husband Ben.

“Have you found him yet?” she asks the camera crew.

The producer shrugs. “Um … we … don’t know where he is at the moment …”

They don’t really care. Neither do we.

Ellie checks Spotify to see if her husband’s uploading more amateur podcasts from a secret underground bunker. We leave her to it and skip down the hall.

Add it to the tally: that’s two missing husbands this season.

In the neighbouring suite at Trash Tower, Lauren’s ripping into Jono for not defending her when Jack threw the infamous “muzzle ya woman” insult.

“That’s not enough when some dude with a tight man bun and jeans three sizes too small is going at me!” she yells.

We have no further insight to add to this argument. Lauren’s words are more than enough.

No notes.

We can all agree Jono was in the wrong for siding with Jack. It was a bad decision. Almost as bad as Jack and Tori’s decision to get matching his-and-hers tattoos.

“That tattoo will just be a constant reminder of one another,” Tori smiles.

PSA for future MAFS contestants: instead of matching tattoos, maybe just start slow by using photos of each other as your iPhone screensavers.

Chic!

Suddenly, there’s a development in the search for Ben. Ellie has been endlessly calling his mobile all morning. He finally picks up.

“Hello?” she says.

“ … Hello?” he plays dumb.

“Yeah … where are you?” she asks.

“Are you with the producers?” he probes. “Can they hear what I’m saying?”

Ellie arches an eyebrow and looks into the camera lens.

“Yep,” she snips.

There’s a pause. Then the robotic monotone of a prerecorded female voice interrupts.

Your call has been disconnected. Please hang up and try again.

Throw his podcasting equipment out the window.

Meanwhile, Lucinda and Timothy are waking up in separate apartments after things exploded at the commitment ceremony. Why did it get so fiery? Well, Timothy accused Lucinda of throwing him under the bus. But it should be noted that, in his rants, he also accuses her of driving the bus. It’s simply impossible for Lucinda to throw someone under a bus while also being the bus driver, so we deem Timothy’s allegations void.

Regardless, they’re not talking to one another. We find Lucinda basking in the serenity while reading a book of magic spells.

Expecto patronum!

Timothy believes he was blime-fibe-eb, a la Tracey Jewel.

“She completely blindsided me!” he rants to no one in particular.

Maybe they just need some time and space. But time and space does not make compelling television. What does make compelling television? Unleashing Lucinda’s elderly father on Timothy to demand he have sex with his daughter.

“You need to not get ya tits in a tangle and pull ya finger out,” dad rouses on Timothy.

“We’d love to see a little more action on your behalf. Could be a one-night stand, could be anything. But just try it!”

Even the TV crew is stunned.

“ … Did you just say, ‘You need to have a one-night stand with my daughter’?” one of the producers pipes up.

“Yes, I did,” dad confirms.

The demand is as bold and clear as his canary yellow tuxedo.

Facebook: @hellojamesweir