MAFS moment that should never have been aired

Last night’s brutal rejection on MAFS because of one bride’s “nationality” was negligent, brutal and should never have happened.

OPINION

Last night we watched a woman get emotionally pummelled by a man who rejected her, in no uncertain terms, because of her race.

Watching the deeply uncomfortable conversation play out between Selina and Cody on MAFS was triggering. I know it would have been for many Australian people of colour, particularly Asian Australians.

It’s started with a question Selina probably already knew the answer to. The South Australian hairdresser wanted to know if Cody’s lack of interest, attraction and affection was due to her “nationality and look”. It’s something she’s experienced before.

“I’ve been bullied all my childhood based on that,” she says later in the episode.

The conversation left Selina in tears. Picture: Channel 9.

Cody looked uncomfortable but he couldn’t deny it was true, making sure to carefully and emphatically declare that it’s not because he’s a racist.

“I’ve always sort of been open to the idea, it’s just something I’ve never normally gone for,” he explains, equating ethnicity with a Filet-O-Fish, when you’re more of a cheeseburger girl.

“And I don’t know what that’s from … personal preference.”

In a few short sentences, he reduced her race to an insignificant preference but the brutal, emotional whiplash was palpable.

For myself – a twenty-something Chinese Australian born and raised in Sydney – the episode reminded me that I have never felt more uncomfortably aware of my race than when dating.

One time on the first date, a guy made a joke that he “went to school with a lot of your kind,” thinking it would make him funny. He also won the “I’m not a racist but …” bingo card and said he “had yellow fever” but also “really, really liked Chinese food”.

Selina wanted to know if Cody wasn’t attracted to her because of her due to her nationality. It was, but he’s not a racist, he said. Picture: Channel 9.

Dating apps come with their own minefields. Opening lines using dragon emojis and dumpling emojis are common place, “having an Asian fetish” gets said as an attempted compliment or as a “bit of banter” and questions about “what I am” and “where I’m from” are acceptable. Replying with: Australian or Australia, is not.

It’s not that I’m particularly affected by these memories, I occasionally pull them out as war stories, but these moments remind me that whether I’m being fetishised or othered, some people will just see me for the colour of my skin and slant of my eyes.

Watching Selina question whether it was her “nationality that turns Cody off,” and bawl wet, hot ugly tears as she said: “It’s hard because I really like him and I’m trying really hard … I can’t change that I’m Asian” reminded me of that. I know it would have struck a chord with a lot of Australians, mainly women of colour.

Selina crying that she can't change that she's Asian, after the two and a half years Asians have faced since COVID, is dark, it's deep, and it's real.#MAFS#MAFSAU

— So Dramatic! (@sodramaticpod) February 9, 2022

fuming catching the end of #MAFS: deliberately pairing Selina with a racist, knowing it could lead to her being humiliated for her race, and marketing that humiliation as national television spectacle is all the proof you need of bow casual anti-Asian racism is in Aussie culture.

— Merryana Salem (they/them) (@akajustmerry) February 9, 2022

MAFS – a show with a reputation of pairing emotional abusers, body shamers and cheaters with vulnerable women – should never have aired this scene on national television, because it shouldn’t have happened. It was irresponsible. Selina – a woman who has so clearly and heartbreakingly been through this before – should not have been paired with Cory – a man who lives in Sydney, one of the most multicultural cities in the world, but is seemingly “unfamiliar” with dating someone not white.

The fact is, Channel 9 used Selina’s racial trauma as a plot point for them to build with an emotional acoustic build-up and shots of the poor woman weeping.

Maybe it’ll get resolved, but given the shows history, it probably won’t. Not in a productive manner anyway.

But as one of the many Asian Australian women who’s wondered how much her “nationality and look” contributed to a rejection, ghosted text and sometimes blatant racist message, one this is certain: Selina bloody well deserved better.

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