James Weir recaps Married At First Sight episode 30: MAFS stars face prude mum after racy act

A MAFS couple filmed in a sexy act have faced the wife’s religious family. They’re about to spit out their communion wine in shock. James Weir recaps.

A Married At First Sight wife brings her on-screen husband for an overnight stay at the family home on Monday night where they’re promptly split into separate bedrooms by her conservative mother who then tries to exorcise the powers of the show’s demonic experts with a crucifix.

What will happen when the mother eventually watches the scenes from Sex Week, where her daughter was filmed bent over in a G-string licking chocolate off her fake husband’s nipple?

There aren’t enough rosary beads in the world.

JAMES WEIR RECAP: read all the recaps here

It’s Home Stays week, where the couples temporarily move out of their suites at Trash Towers and return to their real-life crap shacks. This challenge gives everyone a chance to see what their relationships would be like in regular everyday life. More importantly, it gives us viewers a chance to judge their ugly decor.

Tonight is basically a 90-minute commercial for Anko.

Just what every home needs: neon wall slogans. Picture: Channel 9

At Jacqui’s apartment in Manly, things are glorious.

“I’m already feeling quite annoyed by him,” she fumes to us about her husband Ryan.

Ryan is feeling just as loved-up.

“Jacqui is the most difficult person I’ve ever tried to date in my life,” he says through gritted teeth.

He says she never cleans.

She issues a low blow in return: “Your beard isn’t very manly.”

Ryan cries.

Jackie then threatens to shave off her husband’s stubble in his sleep.

“Ryan’s beard is annoying me because I’ve experienced an unwillingness to compromise on every single little thing that’s ever popped up in our relationship,” she sobs. “And I’m really frustrated with about the way Ryan is so attached to his identity as a man.”

She decides to have a rational conversation with her husband.

“Your brain is so small,” she spits.

He tries to maturely diffuse the situation: “You’re so condescending and pretentious.”

Now seems like the perfect time to go to the florist.

“These ones are quite nice,” Jacqui coos while delicately picking up a bunch, as if they’re an exotic bloom she has never seen before.

The florist furrows her brow. “They’re … roses.”

At the till, the florist rings up the purchase. “So, that’s $113 altogether.”

Silence. Jackie waits for Ryan to pull out his wallet. He looks around the store, pretending to be unaware.

The florist stares back at the dysfunctional couple standing before her.

We reserve the right to refuse service of MAFS contestants. Picture: Channel 9

Eventually, Ryan gives in to the awkwardness.

“OK … put that on card,” he sighs, slapping his Amex down on the counter.

Jacqui plays dumb.

“Oh? You don’t need to pay for it. It’s OK,” she says, pretending to look for her own wallet.

BEEP!

Ryan taps his Amex on the EFTPOS machine.

“OK … thank you,” Jacqui shrugs.

She then, yet again, begins to fake cry.

Only one thing is for certain: these flowers will last longer than their marriage.

Roses are red, violets are blue, this couple is crazy, John Aiken is too. Picture: Channel 9

Over in Perth, Carina is introducing Paul to the parish.

“We’re catholic. We believe in the sanctity of marriage. And that’s probably something that’s a little bit of an issue for me at the moment,” her mum Carmel informs us.

“Because, they’re married, but not in the law of the church. In the eyes of the church, they’re not married. So they need to learn that when they come into the family home, they need to be separated until they decide what their future is going to hold.”

We can’t wait until she sees the Sex Week episode where Carina was filmed bent over while wearing a G-string as she licked chocolate off Paul’s nipple. We should gather the congregation and do a group viewing on the big projector where they usually screen the lyrics to hymns.

Carina’s mum will probably spit-take her communion wine and then fall off her pew.

Carmel, doll, brace ya-self. Picture: Channel 9

Won’t somebody please think of the children! Picture: Channel 9

“We are very religious. … And I think that plays a big part on Carina’s mind as well,” Carmel says. “So Paul, you don’t have a religion that you belong to?”

Paul begins to sweat so much that his drawn-on hairline almost starts dripping down his forehead.

“No, so, like, I am … like, ah … not religious,” he stumbles. “Like, my parents are … but, on my dad’s side … obviously, like … some of them are … Catholic, I guess?”

The camera pans around the family home and captures various shots of rosary beads and pictures of Jesus. We then get a tour of the separate sleeping quarters.

Carina’s mum has placed a crucifix next to Paul’s bed.

Why?

To ward off the evil spirits of the unholy trinity: Mel, Alessandra and John Aiken.

Facebook: @hellojamesweir