James Weir recaps Married At First Sight Australia: ‘Cruel’ groom’s petty dumping aired

A “cruel” MAFS husband publicly dumps his wife in an appalling scene as fists are slammed and wine is spilt at a drunken dinner party.

Mid-season mania sets in on Married At First Sight as wine is spilt, wives get dumped and podcasts are unsubscribed from during Wednesday’s drunken dinner party.

There are so many arguments. What about? “Something so insignificant,” one of the experts declares.

Ah. Yes. Our favourite kind of fight.

Everyone arrives for the weekly dinner party, where word starts spreading about Ben and how he wrote a list detailing all the things he hates about his wife Ellie. It was like a pro and con list, but without the positives. So, essentially, he wrote a Burn Book exclusively about the woman he’s married to. Kinda wish he’d do a dramatic reading to the group in the vein of Julia Stiles passionately reciting her 10 Things I Hate About You poem.

“You had a list of things you don’t like about me!” Ellie yells at her husband as the entrees are served.

Ben gets defensive. He insists it’s not as bad as it sounds.

“It was just dot points!” he says.

“It was a list written down!” Ellie says, before reading an extract about how she allegedly spends too much time preening herself in the mirror. “The first thing you said was about me wearing makeup.”

The rooms gasps.

Sara takes this one personally.

“Why would you ever say that to someone?!” she screams across the table.

“That’s just cruel!” Lauren piles on.

Yeah, Ben! We’re going to protest outside your suite at Trash Tower, holding placards with slogans scrawled in lipstick. We’ll light our Maybelline mascara wands on fire and chase you through the streets!

Benjamin, you’ll rue the day you insulted the Sephora community.

Ellie squints at her husband.

“There’s a falseness about you,” she says witheringly.

Ben stumbles. He’s not going to win. And it’s clear Ellie no longer wants anything to do with him. There’s only one move left: publicly dump her to make it seem like he made the decision.

“The truth is … I don’t believe we’re meant to be with each other,” he says. “I do believe we’re better off as friends. I apologise for wasting your time.”

Ellie scoffs.

We assume they then just pick up their stuff and leave the experiment? But we can’t say for sure. We’re too distracted by Sara’s squiggly dress and how her boobs appear to be punctured with giant steel needles, like pin cushions.

Ouch?

Finally! Now Ben’s gone, we can get back to having a lovely evening.

Or … not.

“You are wrong! You’re completely wrong! You’re 100 per cent wrong,” Timothy starts bellowing across the table at Jayden.

He’s annoyed the long-haired boxer offered some advice about his dying marriage to Lucinda.

“You’re under 30 with an opinion?!” Timothy taunts. “I just replaced my undies the other day because they were 24 years old!”

Wild guess: Maybe that’s why you’ve been single for so long?

It’s literally a blur.

“You have nothing in life!” Timothy screams. “You’re a grandstander and ya have been since day one! You’re a grandstander! You’ve always been a grandstander! SINCE DAY ONE!”

He slams his fist on the table. All the plates clink and clatter. Lauren’s glass of wine is knocked over. This makes her angrier than Jack’s muzzle insult.

“No one spills my f**kin’ wine! I’m pissed!” she yells.

Down the end of the table, Tori death stares Timothy. She’s still mad at him for ruining her Hot Girl Walk the other week.

“I could not stand by a man who displays himself the way Timothy did. Absolutely not. No chance,” she says.

Same! But we should point out, you’re standing by a man who screamed at a bloke to “muzzle ya woman”. Sooo …

She fires a shot across the table at Timothy.

“You look smug,” she spits. “You’re slimy as all f**k.”

Tori does her best Timothy impersonation.

This attack seems to come out of nowhere. Everyone’s confused.

“I’m pretty sure that’s just Tim’s face,” says Cassandra, a polite bride who has stayed out of the drama all season.

Tori decides she has a brand new enemy.

“Don’t come for the top. There’s a f**kin’ food chain here and you are not at the top,” she says. “Shut up.”

Cassandra smiles awkwardly.

“I just saw Tim sitting quietly and you were like, ‘I don’t like your face, it’s smug,’” she points out.

Tori snaps.

“Don’t tell me what I said! I know what I said! It came out of my mouth! I know what I said!” she rants. “Oooh don’t tell me what I f**kin’ said.”

We’re worried she’s about to tell Cassandra to put a muzzle on it. But she’d never do that! No. She does the polite thing and just mutters insults within earshot.

“Go f**k yaself. You and your shitty husband,” she huffs.

An unlikely enemy.

We cut to the basement where the experts are watching the petty drama unfold on CCTV.

“It’s something so insignificant,” sexpert Alessandra whispers in disbelief.

That should be the tag line on all the MAFS bus shelter ads.

Facebook: @hellojamesweir