James Weir recaps Married At First Sight Australia 2023 episode 33

This MAFS wife whose behaviour angered Australia finally gets shut down by her husband in a harsh moment she doesn’t see coming. James Weir recaps.

The wackadoodle Married At First Sight wife who told her doting husband she was only available to see him on the last Wednesday of every other month gets dumped during Sunday night’s final vow ceremony, leaving her with a broken heart and hours of free time.

We’ve made it. The end of this show is near. Well, almost. We just need to sit through two episodes where the remaining couples decide if they wanna stay together. Then a reunion dinner party. Plus a ceremony where the experts wheel in a TV and play footage of everyone talking trash behind each other’s backs.

After all that’s done, we can finally go back to our regular lives, which involve seeing the MAFS freaks even less than Alyssa sees Duncan.

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Just minutes into this episode, we the viewers are dealt the biggest blow: Harrison and Bronte have officially left Trash Tower. We will not be seeing them at a vow renewal ceremony.

“At the final dinner party, Bronte and Harrison officially exited the experiment,” the voiceover lady declares.

Excuse us? Bronte and Harrison spent every episode for the past two months declaring they were going to exit the experiment effective immediately – and they never followed through on the promise. Bronte just kept running back to Harrison like a … a … a moth to a gaslight. Their sudden exit is a Tracey Jewel-certified blime-fibe.

We find the rest of the freaks packing up their Trash Tower master suites. They’ll all separate for a few days before reuniting to give their decisions at the final vows.

At the dinner party last night, Alyssa picked another fight with her gorgeous prince of a husband, Duncan. But this morning, while zipping shut her overstuffed Antler suitcase, she does a 10-out-of-10 emotional backflip.

“I think I’m getting emotional while packing because it’s the last day of living here,” she sobs. “I’m not gonna be able to see him or speak to him for a few days.”

Lady, you’ve told your husband that, outside the experiment, you only want to see him on the last Wednesday of every other month. Not seeing him for a week? You’re about to live your dream.

For one whole week, it’ll just be you and My Child.

Melinda and Layton also had a fight at the dinner party. Things got so heated they each slept in separate Trash Tower master suites. Will they choose to break up? Maybe they should. It’s only now we’ve discovered Layton’s deep dark secret: he’s the kind of person who thinks it’s OK to put dirty shoes on the table.

This is a dumpable offence.

Spending a week apart gives everyone the chance to reflect deeply on their significant other. Oh, and to also bitch to mum.

“He takes one word and runs with it and that’s what’s so frustrating,” Alyssa vents to her mother, giving yet another lopsided version of events. “The Duncan in the beginning has completely changed to the Duncan he is now.”

Her statements get wilder and we begin to wonder if Harrison has hijacked her brain.

“I still have a question in my head if Duncan is really ready to truly settle down,” she says. “Duncan has this very unrealistic view of what a relationship should be like.”

YOU ONLY WANT TO SEE HIM FOR, LIKE, THREE HOURS A MONTH.

Yes, one of you is DEFINITELY being unrealistic.

After a week of reflection, Melinda and Layton meet on Sydney Harbour to announce their decisions. Producers give it The Bachelor treatment: slow-mo walking, dramatic orchestra music, vows that zig and zag to keep us guessing if these two people will stay together.

“I will never, ever let anyone hurt me again!” Mel declares sternly.

“Our relationship is hard and us being together is a risk,” Layton shakes his head.

But we’re all too familiar with these tricks and fast-forward through them. We know they’ll stay together – and they do.

In a gushy interview with producers following their vow renewal, Layton articulates exactly why they’re perfect for each other.

“I’m a boy version of Mel and Mel feels like a boy version of me,” he says.

Huh. We wish you two boys much success.

Congrats, boys!

For Duncan and Alyssa’s vow renewal, producers find a random clearing in some bushland off the side of a highway.

They’ll probably find a missing person while they’re there.

Walking through the mud and pushing away branches, Alyssa spews out more passive-aggressive remarks about the man who has shown her nothing but patience.

“I am confident Duncan is the one for me – but I need to teach him a bit of emotion. It’s a lot of work. And it’s not gonna be easy,” she snips, as if she’s talking about a shelter dog who keeps puking on her bed.

When they come face-to-face, Duncan keeps his distance and offers minimal words. We know immediately how things are gonna go down. She’s about to say she wants to stay together – and he’s about to tell her to take her one Wednesday a month and jam it.

“I’m not ready to give up hope on us,” she recites her vows. “I wanna fight for our relationship because I know it’s worth it. I can’t imagine my life without you.”

Yeah, Lyss, not seeing Duncan once a month would just be devastating. But you better get used to it.

“Thank you for your words,” Duncan says flatly.

Then he launches into his vows, dredging up how Alyssa tried controlling who he could talk to and how she’d freeze him out for days. He says she’s nuts if she reckons it’s healthy to only see your partner once a month when you literally live seven-minutes down the road from each other.

“The gap seems too big to bridge. I don’t wanna hurt you. And I don’t wanna continue getting hurt. So I have to say goodbye,” he says.

Alyssa is stunned.

“F**k,” she whispers. “Was not expecting that.”

‘I was prepared to give every fourth Wednesday to you!’

She stands in silence, glaring at her ex, shaking her head. With nothing left to say, she storms through the shrubs before crouching down in the dirt and sobbing.

“Should’ve known! I should’ve f**king known!” she cries.

Is now a good time to remind you that, because you live seven minutes apart, you’ll probably run into each other once a week at Harris Farm?

“I feel like Duncan is looking for a princess to take care of,” she rants. “But I’m not a princess … I’m a queen.”

No, Alyssa. He’s just looking for someone who wants to see him more than every last Wednesday of every other month.

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