James Weir recaps Married At First Sight 2018 episode 31

IN a shock MAFS twist, Tracey stuns the experts by arriving at the reunion party in a relationship with someone else’s husband.

IN A shock twist on Married At First Sight, Tracey turns the tables and leaves us blime-fibe-eb by revealing a secret relationship with someone else’s husband at Tuesday night’s reunion dinner party.

Now, I know I’ve used the words “shock” and “bombshell” in a lot of headlines for this series and I do feel like the gay who cried wolf. Because this actually is shocking.

We’ve jumped forward in time and it has been six weeks since the vow renewal ceremonies. With time comes hindsight. And a whole lot of bitter resentment.

The whole gang returns — even the losers we got rid of early on. But perhaps the most important name on the guest list is Davina.

“I’m going rogue tonight,” Davina whispers to us with a glint of sheer joy in her eyes. If she doesn’t classify stealing someone else’s husband on national TV as going rogue, I can’t wait to see what she has in store this evening.

MOMENT TROY AND CARLY BEGAN: James Weir recap MAFS episode 30

A lot happens tonight and all the information is very overwhelming. Before writing this recap, I throw my body on the floor and eat two Twirls before letting out a loud “meow” like a cat. There’s a lot to process. But even with a surprise partner swap and secret texts, for me personally, the pinnacle of tonight’s episode is when Davina calls Sean “Ellen DeGeneres”.

Before the dinner party begins, we check in on Carly at her apartment. We kick the door open and whirl into the bedroom. A pastel coloured Ralph Lauren polo is strewn on the floor. Gross cargo shorts dangle from the bed railing. It seems Carly’s fashion sense has really gone down hill since her marriage to that fake millionaire ended. But then we hear an unmistakably shrill cackle coming from beneath the covers.

We rip the doona off the bed and unearth what we already knew: Carly and Troy are an item. Horrified, I hurl the cover back over the bed and shield my eyes with my forearm as Troy kisses Carly with his eyes open.

Hot.

“You’re like a little fuzzy bunny,” Carly says while rubbing her hands through Troy’s grey chest hair and we dry-heave.

They tell us the story of how they got together and then Troy shares intimate details about Carly’s mouth which is, apparently, in “great condition”. Things have clearly progressed very quickly. So it’s no surprise when we cut sharply to footage of them teabagging.

This just isn’t necessary.

But Carly and Troy aren’t the only people who have found love outside of the experiment. When we arrive at the dinner party, Tracey’s in the middle of telling everyone how she dumped Dean and has now moved on.

“I ended it but Dean wanted to stay and he told me he loved me,” she tells everyone while looking incredibly smug.

‘Let’s just say he was blime-fibe-eb.’

Suddenly, Sean enters. He looks sheepish and we just assume it’s because he’s embarrassed about the shiny women’s blazer he’s wearing.

Daring.

But his apprehension immediately transforms into some kind of swagger. I can’t tell if he’s strutting or limping.

He walks up to his former wife Blair and gives her a hug. “Hey love,” he says, even though he’s never called her that before.

Greeting the rest of the group, it’s hugs and high-fives all around. He turns to Tracey and goes in for a kiss on the cheek. But it ends up being on the mouth. And it lingers. Pulling away, Sean looks her in the eye and goes in again. They’re making out. There’s groping. Oh Jesus there’s tongue.

Gross.

Mel Schilling gives me another terrified facial expression to add to my thoughtfully curated collage.

A reaction for every occasion.

Blair watches on as the man who broke up with her just weeks earlier kisses another woman and she pretends to be totally cool.

‘I’m fine.’

As the howling from the group settles, Sean tells everyone he’s found love with Tracey in the weeks that followed the experiment.

“We’ve been im-feb-er-able,” Tracey gushes about how close they’ve been.

Everyone is in shock. Jo even steals my trademark expression. “Shit the bed!,” she growls.

Australia reacts.

When Davina arrives and finds out about the whole Tracey and Sean development, she can’t seem to wrap her head around the difference in their situations: Tracey and Sean were single when they got together while Davina and Dean were married when they had an affair.

Davina’s still bruised about being dumped by Dean and the sight of him at the dinner party brings her feelings to the surface.

*Locates the guy again on Scruff and demands answers*

When Carly and Troy enter together, their relationship comes as a surprise to everyone. Including Ashley. She reacts the same way I do when I see my ex and his boyfriend at Westfield Bondi Junction.

Always when I’m looking homeless.

As everyone gushes over Troy and Carly, Dean attempts to be the bigger man and chat with Sean. As Sean gets defensive and starts swearing a lot, talk turns to some secret texts.

Dean insists things are great between he and Tracey and they text everyday. But Sean tells Dean Tracey hates him and his persistent texting.

“I’ve seen them,” Sean says of the messages. “She’s [replied], ‘Please stop harassing me’.”

Dean pledges to prove Sean wrong and expose the messages by night’s end.

Thanks for the contribution, Jo.

As we all take a seat at the dining table, Davina’s miffed.

“I never thought I’d not be the centre of attention,” she sighs. “I feel like I’m going to have to run rogue because this night’s running itself and I’m not a fan of it.”

So she runs down the other end of the table and befriends Ashley before demanding she say something mean about Carly.

“She’s a manipulative snake,” Ashley snips.

Davina’s in her element. And after a failed confrontation between Ashley and Carly, she runs back around the table to comfort Carly and aggravate the drama further.

“I was the first one to do this out of all of you assholes! I’m proud of you f*ckers!” she beams, still unaware she cheated and no one else did.

Tracey can’t stand how cocky Davina’s being tonight and she’s determined to make her understand the impact of her selfish behaviour. So she drags her off to a quiet lounge area and demands answers.

“I want you to know that the main reason Dean and I didn’t work is because of what you did,” Tracey says calmly.

Davina isn’t quite sure what she’s on about.

“What did I do?” she says, squinting at Tracey out of confusion.

“Are you fubbing kibbing me?” Tracey replies.

Tracey tries to make Davina understand the consequences of her decision to cheat, but it’s like hitting her head against a really tanned wall.

Davina laughs at Tracey and scrunches her face up.

“I don’t know you. I don’t f*cking care,” she scoffs, looking at Tracey dead in the eye.

Yes, hi Jo, we can’t believe it either.

As Tracey storms away from Davina, Dean nabs her on the way back to the dining room. He wants to get to the bottom of all this texting business. He thought she was loving the hilarious memes he’s been sending her on a daily basis. After all, she keeps replying with things like, “lol SO true!” and “it me!” followed by a succession of cry-laugh emojis.

“Sean’s saying that I’m sending you inappropriate texts,” he says. “Did you ever send me a text saying, ‘Stop harassing me?’”

She admits she’s never told Dean to stop. But that’s not what Sean believes.

It’s at this point we think we should probably check in on Blair. She wasn’t in a good place when Sean dumped her just a few weeks ago after a night of passionate love making. So seeing him so in love with Tracey has got to hurt. You doing OK, Blair?

‘I’m fine and I’m totally not dying.’

Suddenly, Sean’s temper flairs again. He didn’t like seeing Dean chatting to his new girlfriend and he wants to confront him. They move away from the group and proceed to have one of the most confusing fights we’ve seen on this series.

“Mate, just don't lie anymore. And I’ll be happy. Just don’t lie,” Sean scolds Dean.

We’re not sure what lies he’s referring to. It’s all very cryptic. Also, it’s hard to take someone seriously when they’re wearing a gold lady blazer.

Dean has no idea what Sean’s talking about and says he and Tracey are genuinely friends and they talk all the time.

Sean’s a mess and starts slur-screaming: “SHE DESPISES YOU! TELL ME THE F*CKING TRUTH! TELL ME THE F*CKING TRUTH!”

Um sorry what?

Sean stands up and stumbles back into the dining room to find his wife. He makes her sit in his lap in front of everyone. He’s insecure. Partly because of the gold lady blazer. Mainly because of the frosted tips. But also because of Dean’s persistent texting. Oh, and probably because Davina called him Ellen DeGeneres.

Say hi to Portia for us x

“Do you enjoy his text messages?” Sean asks Tracey.

She avoids giving a firm answer.

“What do you think?” she replies with a smile. “You trust me, right?”

Read all the James Weir recaps of Married At First Sight here

Indeed, there was a time when we trusted Tracey. But being with a man like Dean has opened her eyes to the complex and messy side of relationships.

She’s not concerned about the truth surrounding the text messages coming out. Until John Aiken surprises us all.

“We’re going rogue tomorrow tonight,” he says, stealing Davina’s catchphrase and threatening to expose everyone’s secrets in the grand final.

Hide your nudes and delete your text messages, everyone.

For more observations on Westfield Bondi Junction and teabagging, follow me on Twitter: @hellojamesweir