James Weir recaps Married At First Sight 2018 episode 15

IN A spectacular smackdown, Married At First Sight’s Ryan finally lost it at his cheating wife Davina — and received payback.

TURNING the tables on his cheating wife, Married At First Sight’s Ryan has gotten payback by lashing and dumping Davina with the same amount of brutality she showed him.

The savage smackdown has been days in the making. After finding out during Sunday’s commitment ceremony that Davina had been cheating on him with Dean, Ryan has silently grappled with his anguish. The confrontation has been building. And on Tuesday night, it explodes on Maroubra beach.

AFFAIR AFTERMATH: James Weir recaps MAFS episode 14

Love, as they say, is like a clump of pubes that tangles itself between the webbing of your toes when you least expect it.

Thanks Sarah just put them in that shoebox with the rest of my collection.

Fresh from being rejected by Dean, Davina is desperate to be given another chance by her husband Ryan. She’d do anything to feel a clump of his pubes wrapped around her toes.

“I’ve seen a completely different side to him and I love it,” she says. Since finding out his wife tried dumping him for another man, Ryan has ceased all communication with Davina. They don’t talk. He doesn’t look at her. They simply coexist.

But, like me, Davina goes wild for a guy that treats her mean so Ryan’s surly behaviour has ignited her desire.

She tries to convince him that the whole Dean thing wasn’t as bad as it sounds and he’s just being over dramatic. At the family farm, she tells Ryan’s parents how much she likes their son and how their relationship has been so easy since they met. Her lies just anger Ryan more. In the back shed, he tells his dad exactly what his wife did.

“She went for another bloke. She left me for another fella,” he reveals. “And she’d been having drinks with him all week and I didn’t know.”

Ryan’s dad comes off all rough and tumble but, underneath, he’s just a drama queen like me.

“You shoulda come out and exposed her,” he says in attempt to inflame the situation.

For days, Ryan has remained measured about it all. He could’ve got angry. He could’ve got even. Instead, he’s bottled his anger and stewed. But there’s something about the relaxing farm stay that’s unleashed his bitterness.

“She looked like a total f***ing idiot,” he says, recalling how Davina was left abandoned by Dean at the commitment ceremony. “I didn’t want a fake girl and I got the fakest one in Brisbane.”

This is a brand new Ryan and the anger continues to flow through his veins when he returns to Sydney. He tries to get some alone time at the beach but Davina insists on following him there.

“Where are you at with us,” she asks him casually.

Ryan’s sick of being walked over. He’s not the same shy tradie he was when he came into this experiment — the one who was so in love with Davina that he couldn’t make eye contact with her. Just like Davina tried to unceremoniously leave him, he turns the tables and dumps her without a hint of sympathy.

“I’m going,” he snaps.

Davina’s confused. Somehow, she didn’t expect this.

Behind them on Maroubra beach, the waves roll in long — pounding the sand and crashing into the rocks.

Ryan looks Davina in the eye and delivers his final blow.

“I’m 100 per cent leaving. Definitely. The only reason you’re talking to me now is because Dean won’t talk to you,” he says.

Walking away through the sand, he strips the microphone pack off his body.

“I’m done,” he says. “F***ing Dean.”

Speaking of f***ing Dean, let’s check in with him.

Dean and Tracey are back from the studio after laying down tracks for their upcoming rap album [think Ja Rule ft. Ashanti with early N.W.A influences), and they’re preparing to have his brother and sister over for lunch.

There’s lots of at-home lunches this week. Who has people over for lunch? And, more importantly, who has food to serve them? The only thing in my fridge are Zooper Doopers and a three-week old bag of spinach that’s now fully decomposed into liquid.

Dean tells us his siblings don’t know about the affair with Davina and I totally can’t wait to perch myself on the couch and tell them all about it while sucking on a Zooper Dooper.

But while I’m rummaging through the freezer, Tracey beats me to the punch and makes Dean reveal all. He doesn’t do it justice so she takes over the story and tells everyone how she was blime-fibe-ed by Dean’s affair and then Dean’s siblings judge him.

The at-home lunch becomes really awkward. Almost more awkward than Dean’s oddly feminine bedroom.

Chic.

This week’s home visits have only intensified issues with intimacy for several of the couples. We’ve got more sex problems on this show than you can wave a limp one at.

Gab’s begging for it but Nasser’s not interested. In an attempt to entice him, she panders to his key interests. She puts on an SK-II face mask and starts maniacally mopping the floors. It’s no use. Nasser doesn’t see Gab for the sexual woman she is. He simply grabs the mop out of her hands, tells her she’s doing it wrong and asks her to please stop using his skin products.

Last night, Sean finally ravaged Blair as per her request. But, in the harsh light of day, he sees things clearly and callously informs her he’s just not into her. It comes as a shock and she’s distraught. Mainly because she’s just basically been dumped by someone with frosted tips.

They’re not the only couple going through a rough patch. Justin — who may or may not have once owned a boat — has to fly to Milan for an ice-cream emergency and abandons Carly for the week. She’s furious but it just goes to show she doesn’t comprehend the high-stakes nature of the glamorous dairy biz.

Ashley seems to be the only one who has everything on track. One month into her relationship, she’s repulsed by the man she’s with and looks at him like she just found that clump of pubes Sarah got attacked by earlier.

Me in a relationship.

At lunch with Troy’s friends, Ashley also pulls one of my signature moves: She loudly picks a fight with her husband in front of his mates at a restaurant and storms out.

Outside, Troy tells us things are actually progressing nicely with Ashley and that, only last night, they almost had sex.

“Only 24 hours ago Ash was actually talking to me about having sex — so a lot’s probably going to happen between now and then ...” he brags.

But just as he blurts this out, Ashley stumbles into the hall and hears him.

“We haven’t had sex! And for you to bring it up? See ya!” she yells.

It’s an intense fight and I disguise myself as the kitchen dish hand to get closer to the drama.

‘Do you guys need cutlery?’

The fight is relocated to an old brick public bathroom in a nearby park where Ashley and Troy continue to thrash out the intimate details of their uneventful sex life. It’s excruciating.

As Ashley storms off into the rain, she delivers perhaps the most brutal smackdown we’ve heard on this series.

“He doesn’t even clean his teeth at night!” she spits.

It’s brutal. And we want to believe her. But we know it’s not true. Our PTSD from their wedding day means we will never forget.

Exhibit A.

For more observations on Ja Rule and toe webbing, follow me on Twitter: @hellojamesweir

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