James Weir: Married At First Sight and the epidemic crippling Aussies

After weeks of stunts, the extreme reality show is taking its toll on viewers. And we’re at a loss.

Australia is in the grips of extreme emotional fatigue.

Who are we? We don’t even know anymore. After what feels like a thousand nights of having our emotional receptors maxed out while watching extreme reality shows, we’re now no longer aware of what we feel.

I use the term “emotional receptors” and I know that’s not a thing but I don’t even have the emotional energy to think of what I mean.

We’ve become desensitised to conflict and drama thanks to its repeated normalisation on Married At First Sight. Last year, we had strong, definitive reactions when a cheating scandal played out on screens. Weeks ago, we were up in arms again about Ines and Sam beginning an affair on the show.

A C-bomb scandal spiked another strong reaction. Verbal abuse from contestants sparked national outrage along with a bar fight and mild choking incident. A husband and wife’s mega-fight about artificial sweetener was bizarre and out-of-proportion but we went along for the ride anyway. Now, we’re exhausted, confused and in a slump.

By the time another cheating scandal played out this week, we weren’t as shocked. We’d seen it before. Even the experts on the show didn’t care.

“Well, Jessika and Dan do seem like a better match anyway,” we shrugged while mindlessly stuffing more Pods in our food holes.

Look, who hasn’t cheated in a Channel 9 parking lot?

When one of the Daddo brothers came out on Friday and admitted he had cheated on his wife in the past, we shrugged again. Is it because we don’t care about the Daddo brothers anymore? Don’t be ridiculous. We’ll always care about the Daddo brothers. And this wasn’t even the Daddo brother whose name we can’t remember. This was Cameron.

I now have zero emotional reaction to a cheating admission but have lay on the floor in tears while laughing at a looped video of Donald Trump calling Apple CEO Tim Cook “Tim Apple”.

It’s the result of systemic emotional exertion.

The fatigue has thrown us way off course and we don’t know how to react about anything anymore. Someone cheats? Boring — seen it before. But we have an involuntary conniption when that bald contestant Mike admits his hairline is tattooed on his scalp.

Some may say our judgment is way off.

Let’s play a game. Would you rather find out your partner cheated on you? Or would you rather wake up with tattooed hair?

You don’t have to admit your answer. I already know what it is.

Jessika wouldn’t be caught dead with tattooed hair.

ONE THING TO LEARN AT ANY AGE

The world’s oldest tween Taylor Swift is turning 30 and, to honour the milestone, she has released a detailed list of things she has learned in life.

All bases are covered. She advises not to use Sharpie as eyeliner and it seems that’s a lesson she has had to learn a few times.

“I learned that your hair can completely change texture,” she also muses in the list, published in Elle.

It’s not all shallow. She encourages everyone to learn how to make a Mojito and also admits she’s a fan of vitamins.

“Banish the drama,” comes in at number five on the list and her method for doing so is to just block people on your phone. This seems like it would create more drama but who are we to question Taylor.

Maybe we can rework this teaching into one we can all apply to our own lives immediately regardless of whether there is drama or not. The lesson? Embracing the magic of not replying to texts or emails or calls.

People can get so worked up when you don’t reply to them. Like my boss when I don’t come in on a Tuesday and she calls, like, a million times. Or my friend who sends very huffy texts when I don’t show up to the dinner that I organised.

In these modern times, people are so needy.

Not replying isn’t anything personal. It doesn’t mean you’re loved any less. It’s because you’re loved that it’s better not to reply with a hurried and superficial message littered with a bunch of emojis that don’t really mean anything.

But if you keep sending rapid-fire texts, Taylor’s initial lesson will be implemented and you will be blocked.

Don’t use Sharpie as eyeliner. It’s like words from Jesus.

CAREER ADVICE FOR JULIE BISHOP

Julie Bishop is still fielding offers for her next career move and she’s teasing a big third round.

“I will pursue a third fulfilling career,” she told The Daily Telegraph this week. “I’ve had 20 years in the law, 20 years in politics, why not another 20 years doing a whole range of things that drive my passion and my energy?”

It’s disappointing to see she’s still ignoring the repeated suggestions made in this column. She’d be a terrific 2IC of that fancy new shoe level at David Jones — it’s the perfect place to channel that passion and energy. As second in charge, it’s all play and no responsibility and would allow enough time to start a side hustle as an Instagram influencer or an author of recipe e-books.

Twitter and Facebook: @hellojamesweir

Stop ignoring free advice, Julie.