‘Absolute cow’: Wild twist for Married At First Sight’s ‘nice’ wife

Savage words have ignited the twist of the season on MAFS, with toxic behaviour leading to a surprise end. James Weir recaps.

Lucinda discovers a new high that can’t be achieved through meditation or box breathing.

A Married At First Sight wife’s transformation from Zen Byron hippie to “absolute cow” comes to a climax at Wednesday’s drunken dinner party and there aren’t enough selenite crystals in Mullumbimby to cleanse the toxicity that has seeped into her soul after two months on this show.

It’s the most satisfying twist of the season. A complete 180 – good girl gone bad, fallen angel. And she reaps the rewards.

We haven’t seen a character arc like this since Sandy put on leather pants and strutted around a school fair while smoking a cigarette in that final scene of Grease.

JAMES WEIR RECAPS:Read all the recaps here

As everyone arrives at the weekly dinner party, whispers begin floating around about the savage anonymous letter that was sent to Tori and Jack. Lucinda and Timothy don’t even bother hiding it.

“It was us!” they giddily announce.

Lucinda feels alive. There’s an electrical current pulsing through her body. It’s a feeling that can’t be achieved through juice cleanses or meditation or Tantric chanting retreats. This buzz within her is one that can only come from trash-talking frenemies.

Such negative behaviour is not accepted back at her home in Byron Bay. If you don’t like someone, then you just have to do some box breathing until the negative thoughts disappear. But after two months on this show, the toxic nature of Trash Tower has rubbed off on Lucinda. We totally love it.

“You’ve turned into an absolute cow,” her husband Timothy cackles. “You slag everyone off behind their back!”

Lucinda laughs like she never has before. “I’ve become a slag off!”

Neuroscientists should study the dopamine boost in our brains that surges when we trash-talk mutual acquaintances.

“I like the new bad Lucinda,” Timothy swoons.

Bad girl alert! Bad girl alert!

Meanwhile, Tori death-stares her enemies from across the dining table.

“The letter really pissed me off,” she spits.

She picks apart some of the points made in the missive and says she’s particularly annoyed about the never-ending speculation that the lack of sex in her marriage means Jack isn’t truly into her.

This is the perfect moment for Jade to pipe up with a little factoid about the chat she had yesterday with Jack.

“I asked Jack: if he was with someone who was more his type, would he have slept with them by now?” she informs the table. “And he said, ‘Yes, probably’.”

Everyone races to pity Tori again, but the sympathy only angers her more.

“I’m fine! I am SO fine!” she snaps.

Tori is, in fact, not fine.

Yeah … you seem TOTALLY fine.

And she’s not alone. The elderly couple Richard and Andrea keep bickering with each other. Before they arrived at the party tonight, things got explosively petty after he accused her of gaslighting and she slammed the table with a shivering scream, à la Meryl Streep in Big Little Lies. Low blows and lame comebacks ensued.

We get a repeat performance over dinner, this time with an audience.

“Don’t say that! For f**k’s sake! F**k!” Andrea slaps the table when Richard, with his know-it-all bluster, declares his wife has rejected him because she’s traumatised by her ex.

Everyone jumps as the plates and cutlery clang and clatter. We don’t like seeing nan and pop argue. It’s just not worth it. A fight like this should be reserved for something extreme — like if Andrea secretly threw out all Richard’s ugly scarfs.

Throw his scarfs out on the street!

Despite the commotion, there’s two people in the room tonight who float above it all. Lucinda and Timothy.

He’s looking at his wife in a different light. There’s something new in his eyes. A sparkle. After weeks of rejecting Lucinda and keeping her at arm’s length, something has changed.

Nothing brings two people together like a shared enemy.

Finally.

Facebook: @hellojamesweir