James Weir recaps Seven Year Switch series 2 episode 5

AFTER getting naked, this Seven Year Switch fiance exploded, ripping into his wife and openly mocking her in truly embarrassing scenes.

AFTER stripping off completely naked, a Seven Year Switch fiance has exploded — ripping into his experimental wife before mimicking her and throwing around half-baked insults in a truly embarrassing argument.

Watching the scene unfold between experimental couple Michael and Kaitlyn in a beat-up Mitsubishi Pajero in the middle of the Northern Territory was mortifying during Monday night’s episode. And the only thing that made it more uncomfortable was that — just moments earlier — we saw Michael completely naked, leaping off a rock, spread-eagled into a shallow brown creek.

It’s hard to get huffy with someone after they’ve copped vision of you naked midair, but Michael decides to go balls to the wall on Kaitlyn.

During Monday’s episode, all the experimental couples are sent off to sentimental locations to remind them of their real relationships. And for Michael and Kaitlyn, their fight was a disgusting end to a holiday that started out rather pleasurably.

“Oh my god I feel wet already!” Kaitlyn declares to no one in particular as she walks out of the airport after touching down in NT.

It’s not long before they actually get wet and take a dip in a gross creek. And Kaitlyn gets all health conscious.

“I feel like this is the paleo way to swim,” she says knowingly.

Totally accurate.

Intoxicated on the natural high that comes with living the paleo way, Kaitlyn suddenly rips her bikini top off. “I feel so free!” she screams.

Michael doesn’t have a bikini top to strip off, so he goes one step further. He drops his three-quarter boardshorts and then hurls his naked body off a giant rock into the shallow brown water below.

It’s seriously crazy. I’ve seen the TV reports about the new party drugs hitting the streets that make all the kids strip off in public and scream and lose control — I just didn’t really comprehend the full risk of the paleo way until now.

News.com.au has contacted Pete Evans for comment.

Paleo-certified buns.

Leaving the historic indigenous paleo baths, Kaitlyn and Michael hop in their Pajero and head back to the airport. Michael’s cranky because there was no healthy food available at the road stop so he had to get a burger and then Kaitlyn accuses him of not practising what he preaches as a personal trainer. Michael snaps back, food-shaming Kaitlyn for starting the day with an ice-cold Red Bull and a bagel.

“You have, like, three a day. And then you have, like, three coffees. And then you have cream cheese,” he taunts her.

“Yeah, well, you have coffee. And you had a burger and fries. Don’t preach to me on healthy eating,” she hits back.

And then Michael explodes.

“I didn’t! You’re the one who f*ckin'’ brought it up! Eat what you f*ckin'’ want!” he yells.

He says he wants complete silence in the car for the next three hours. While Kaitlyn obeys the order, Michael doesn’t and continues to mumble to himself.

“I’m not saying a f*ckin'’ word either,” he grunts, clearly saying words. “I’m telling you this now,” he adds.

Kaitlyn feels the need to point something important out. “You just said a whole sentence,” she says helpfully.

“I’m not talking to you!” Michael snips.

“You just talked again,” Kaitlyn notes.

Michael then tries to make a half-smart insult about Kaitlyn working for cash and trying to marry someone to get a green card. It doesn’t really make sense and they end up in a screaming match about America.

“Why do you keep trying to fight? Just shut up!” Kaitlyn begs.

Michael has a ripper comeback: “I’m f*cking over your head!”

“QUIEEEEETTTT!” she screams

“F*CK YOU!” he bellows.

Scraping the bottom of the barrel for insults and retorts in this argument, Michael then starts mimicking Kaitlyn’s voice: “MICHAEL! MICHAEL! MICHAEL! MICHAEL!” he repeats over and over in an American accent while screwing up his face, mocking her the way you do your younger sibling when they threaten to tell mum.

It’s ugly and nasty and truly embarrassing to even watch. It’s one of those arguments that’s so gross that if you walked by a couple having it in public you’d feel the need to make overly-confused facial expressions just to make it clear to other people you’re not involved.

“F*ck off! F*ck off mate, I’m not going nowhere,” Michael concludes.

Just Michael and Kaitlyn living the paleo way.

Over in Thailand, we catch up with Felicity and Mark. Last time we saw Felicity, it was midnight and she had just arrived in Thailand only to find producers had booked them the smallest room they could find with only one bed and no couch. Proving you can get anything you want by throwing a tantrum, growling the F-word and storming off, Felicity got her own hotel room for the night.

She apologises to Mark the following morning and explains the reason it was so confronting for her is because she doesn’t even share a bed with her partner Michael back home.

Mark’s sympathetic and understanding. These are two qualities Felicity fails to replicate later that night over dinner when she starts probing Mark about whether he’s been engaged before.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he says, shooing the topic away with a wave of his hand.

Felicity persists.

“I don't want to talk about it,” he replies more directly.

But Felicity won’t let it go.

By now, Mark is just pretending he’s got a mouthful of food every time Felicity asks a question about his relationship so he doesn’t have to answer.

Felicity keeps pushing and then she takes a jab by saying Mark’s reluctance is probably what’s barricading his relationship with Kaitlyn. He politely finishes pretend-chewing his fake-mouthful of food and excuses himself.

The following day he explains his sensitivity over the engagement question.

“The last time I was here in Thailand I was with a good friend but that wasn’t the original plan ... it was meant to be with someone else that I was engaged to at the time,” he says.

With Mark wrapped in a kids towel on the beach, teary-eyed as he recalls his heartbreak, Felicity is completely satisfied that she finally cracked him.

Up in the Blue Mountains, Sarge and Tracey are tortured with a camping trip.

And upon arriving, they proceed to argue about ... pegging.

“I hope our partners are out camping somewhere too,” Sarge grunts.

They ain't. While Sarge and Tracey are being total chumps walking around a field with a spade looking for a primo toilet location, we cut to their partners Johnny and Stacey Louise who are living it up in the Whitsundays with fully functioning bathrooms.

Their holiday is so luxurious that the sand isn’t even called “sand”. It’s actually called “exfoliant”, Stacey Louise explains.

It’s truly glamorous.

And just when they think their tropical getaway can’t get any better, that chick with the afro from My Kitchen Rules makes a surprise appearance.

For more observations on Red Bull being a substantial breakfast and the true dangers of the paleo way, follow me on Twitter: @hellojamesweir

Star of My Kitchen Rules and I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here Ash Pollard.