James Weir recaps Seven Year Switch episode 7: ‘It’s over. He can get f***ed’

HOW DO you react when your spouse's experimental partner tells you they got matching, secret tattoos? Not well at all.

HOW DO you react when your spouse's experimental partner tells you they got matching, secret tattoos?

If you’re like Jackie on Seven Year Switch, you break down and consider pulling their side-braid.

On Tuesday night, all the couples meet each other’s partners for the first time. Not to prioritise people’s pain, but the Jason-Ryan, Michelle-Cassie meet-ups were kinda boring compared to the others, so we won’t even talk about them. All I’ll say is maybe one of them should’ve styled their hair into a fun side-braid. Anyway.

All the patrons at an inner-city Sydney pub have been kicked out so Jackie and Tallena can come face to face. Make a mental note: A beer garden is the perfect place to meet/glass your partner’s experimental spouse.

Last week, Jackie was shown photos of her partner Tim getting a tattoo with Tallena. She’s been fuming ever since, but has managed to convince herself they were just “pretending” to get inked. Oh Jackie.

When Tallena arrives, Jackie tells her Brad has “cried every single day”.

But Tallena’s more interested in other things.

“So can I cut you off there? The whole ‘one bed’ situation — what happened there?” she interrupts.

Jackie tells her they made the conscious decision to not share a bed. And then she asks about the photos of them in the tattoo parlour.

“I’ll be honest, those photos, like, I was expecting him in a spa being stupid,” Jackie says, completely unaware of the incident a few weeks ago where Tim got naked in a spa with Tallena.

Tallena quickly realises not everyone’s been treating the experiment like Schoolies Week.

Fek.

Jackie says she assumes that tattoos are fake. Tallena informs her they’re as real as her weird side-braid, and then pulls off her ankle sock to reveal her EHFAR tattoo (ICYMI: it’s the international acronym for Everything Happens For a Reason. Get with the program).

Complement your inspirational acronym tattoo with a toe ring.

“Mother EHFAR!” Jackie wants to scream.

“Well then, Tim and I are over,” Jackie says. “Done. If he wants to get a rise out of me that bad that he’s willing to get a tattoo with you, then yeah, he can get f***ed. I would never in a million years get a tattoo with someone else’s partner.”

Tallena jumps to Tim’s defence and says he didn’t do it to intentionally hurt her, but Jackie’s mind is made up.

“Nup. Over. You can tell him. Over. He can get f***ed.”

And when Tallena tries to explain that Tim’s become more open with his feelings, things really kick into gear.

“He’s told me he loves me, like, three or four times in three-and-a-half years,” Jackie sobs.

“And one of those times was because my father passed away so it doesn’t even count.”

Jackie cries. Tallena cries. While there’s really no known protocol about whether you should accept sympathy from the woman who got an inspirational acronym tattoo with your partner, Jackie’s heartbroken so social norms are thrown out the window.

“I’ll pull your side-braid.”.

Jackie says a lot of emotional things and, while we feel for her, she’s basically repeating herself.

On the other side of town at a different pub, their partners Brad and Tim are meeting each other. They get right into it.

Brad asks Tim if he’s ever shared a bed with Tallena. Tim admits he jumped into bed once after a few drinks but Tallena got straight out.

“So you attempted to sleep next to my partner?” Brad pushes. “Why would you put her in that predicament or me or Jackie? That’s pretty low. I’m a little disheartened from hearing you tried to jump in bed next to my partner.”

Brad then asks if they’ve had a spa together. Tim’s face says it all.

That’s a spa soaking grin.

Asked if they were both in their swimwear, Tim struggles to recall the facts.

“Was she in a bikini? I can’t even remember to be honest,” he says. He also conveniently forgets to tell Brad he whipped his pants off. Sometimes it’s hard to remember what spas you’ve taken your pants off with strangers in.

Pants or no pants, Brad’s not impressed.

“It’s not a frat party. Like, f*** man, that’s ridiculous,” he says. “It really is. That pissed me off. You’re aren’t thinking about your other partners.”

Then Brad spots the tattoo.

And Tim thinks it’s hilarious.

Taaaaaaaatts!

But the grin gets smacked off his face when Brad tells him Jackie wants to call it quits over the ink.

Serious bro?

After these meetings, everyone’s given the task of writing their partner a note. Needless to say, Jackie and Brad’s have undertones of resentment while Tim and Tallena’s have undertones of guilt.

Tim and Tallena sit down to read their letters. Jackie begins hers by saying she loves Tim. But then it takes a turn. She uses a lot of capitals and underlines.

“Brad has been really great and we have become great friends, however we have gone above and beyond to respect you and Tallena and our relationships with you. but it was the tattoo photos that ripped me in half,” she writes. “I couldn’t believe you would actually get a tattoo with Tallena to get a rise out of me. If this is what you were doing then I want you to know that we are done.”

Jackie’s tome.

In Brad’s letter to Tallena, he apologises for his behaviour during their relationship. And then took some swipes.

His main issue is the spa.

“It broke me. Truthfully, Tallena I’m ready to walk out because I’m done,” he writes. “This has crushed me. I don’t know how to act or feel any more, Tallena. I honestly thought you wouldn’t have done that. I was on the road to recovery to be the man you deserve, and was hoping the same from you. You’ve broken my heart and trust.”

Oh, it also happens to be Tallena’s birthday. Needless to say, these home truths are quite the surprise.

Tallena’s letter is a lot more loving, and after reading, Brad feels like a wang for being so mean. He immediately ditches his anger and starts planning their life together. It’s amazing what guilt tricks you into doing.

“I still love her and I still want to marry her. At the end of this, as soon as I get home, I’m gonna have a cheque waiting for our wedding,” he says. “Nothing’s gonna stop me proceeding with our wedding.”

But now Tallena’s feelings have totally flipped. She’s doubting whether Brad’s really changed and considers what it would be like being a single lady and letting other boys play with her side-braid.

Seven Year Switch continues Tuesday night on Seven.

For more thoughts on side-braids and ankle socks, follow me on Twitter: @hellojamesweir.