James Weir recaps SAS Australia 2022 episode 8

Tempers have spilt over on SAS Australia, with a bunch of celebs ganging up on another who they accuse of being a thief. James Weir recaps.

One of the SAS Australia stars is at the centre of a celeb gang attack on Monday night, simply because he stole a lousy pair of socks ... and almost set everyone on fire while they slept.

It must suck for these celebrities to realise that even though they’re tossing away their dignity and risking their lives while getting pushed out of helicopters and accidentally set on fire, Australia would still rather watch the Married At First Sight lunatics.

The ratings couldn’t be further apart. Sure, over on the Channel 9 reality freakshow, we’ve had a sorta-glassing and a cheating scandal. Quite the spectacle. But tonight, barely anything happened. The only thing that came close to qualifying as an offensive incident was everyone’s crappy furniture during the home visits.

On SAS, the celebrities are working overtime to remain relevant — and for no reward. These celebrities go places the MAFS lunatics wouldn’t dare to.

Just seconds into Monday’s episode, we watch them all sleeping on the cold concrete when comedian Pauly Fenech gets up to monitor the fire. After he accidentally leaves the matches on the hotplate, a fireball explodes out of the stove and into the shared accommodation.

That giant white spot? That’s the blazing fireball, mid-explosion.

This accident forms the basis of the entire episode: Operation Destroy Pauly.

The following morning — after bitching about how Pauly almost set them all on fire — the celebs are subjected to a surprise inspection. Of course Pauly fails. Why? He has two forks instead of one fork. Or maybe he has no forks. I dunno. Either way, he’s forked. Everyone else is punished for his mistake.

Between the midnight fireball and the forks, the other celebrities are furious.

“How f**kin’ hard is it?” motorsports presenter Riana Crehan yells at Pauly.

“Take it easy Riana,” Pauly shoots back.

She cuts him off. “No I’m not takin’ it f**kin’ easy. You just stood out the front of the f**kin’ parade square watching all of us (get punished). It’s the second time you’ve f**ked up. Apologise to the group! And don’t f**k up again!”

“Don’t swear at me anymore,” Pauly warns.

“I don’t give a f**k about swearing,” she hurls another curse at him. “You just caused us all that sh*t for no reason.”

The other celebs pile on. Geoff Huegill calls for Pauly to just quit.

“If it happens again, do the honourable thing, Pauly — hand ya number in,” the former Olympian demands.

Reminder: This fight is about a fork.

For the next two tasks, producers ensure they come up with challenges that Pauly won’t be able to do, just so everyone can continue yelling at him.

When he accidentally falls off a helicopter and loses the challenge for his team, the soldiers are super supportive about it.

“You’re a buddy f**k! You are the ultimate buddy f**k!” they scream in his face, Major Payne-style.

Then he fails to keep up with his team while they’re dragging a log up a hill.

Again, the soldiers have nothing but encouraging words.

“You are useless! Useless!” one screams at him.

It kinda looks like they’re about to kiss.

The damage is done. This series of unfortunate events has destroyed Pauly’s already shaky standing within the camp. When rugby league player Millie Boyle can’t find her socks, she launches an investigation with one suspect in mind.

And guess who’s caught red handed?

The forkin’ fireballer.

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