James Weir recaps SAS Australia 2022 episode 5

This once popular reality TV star has trashed his reputation with one trainwreck career move. James Weir recaps.

Producers on SAS Australia meet their quota of completely destroying one celebrity’s reputation on Monday night.

The career annihilation is actually ahead of schedule. In previous seasons, the implosions of stars like Firass Dirani are delicately arced across multiple weeks. But this year’s different. Channel 7’s extreme reality series is going head-to-head with the Channel 9 freakshow Married At First Sight, so the big guns are getting rolled out early.

The result? Grown men screaming petty insults at each other.

JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read all the recaps here

A vicious feud has been building between serial reality star Locky Gilbert and comedian Pauly Fenech for days. Tonight, it boils over.

Unsure of who these people are?

Please allow Locky to introduce himself.

“In the last 10 years, I really haven’t worked,” he muses on Tuesday’s episode. “It blows my mind, people get up and go to work. Every single day. Living a mundane, boring life. I’ve just done whatever I’ve wanted to do and it’s got me this far.”

This far? Over the past four days, you’ve been pepper sprayed and set on fire. Get a job.

Instant replay.

Since the show premiered, we’ve heard Locky make a lot of bold declarations.

“I am an egotistical arsehole,” he told us. “Everyone I meet and everyone I work with knows I have a massive ego.”

Well, it’s a good thing your career prospects will be limited after this colourful TV appearance.

Ever since Locky’s explosive fight with Pauly last week, producers have gone out of their way to pair the boys together for every single challenge — knowing full-well the feud will escalate and Locky will continue to unravel. The evil plan is obvious and producers aren’t even trying to hide the fact they’re actively trolling the boys.

After squabbling during a group challenge tonight that’s too convoluted to explain in this recap, they come to blows again in the back of a cramped car on the two-hour drive back home.

“I think we all had a great f**king plan and you f**ked it!” Locky screams as Smooth FM plays over the stereo.

Wendy Matthews was playing in the background of this particularly volatile moment.

Back at base camp, Pauly tries to smooth things over but Locky bats away the olive branch.

“You’re being a bloody stubborn 12-year-old, man!” he yells.

“What’s the point of talking to a d*ckhead who won’t make the peace,” Pauly fires back.

Locky scoffs. “And now you’re calling me names?”

Well … to be fair, Locky, just days ago you did call him the C-word several times before threatening to headbutt him.

“I try to make the peace and you sh*t on me,” Pauly yells. “You’re bullying me, mate.”

This exchange of petty put-downs and comebacks goes on for an uncomfortably long time, so I’m making the executive decision just to time-jump ahead to when Locky storms off and mutters insults about his nemesis.

“F**king useless c**t,” he spits.

This is a much darker side to the man we watched on The Bachelor — the one who romanced women with sweet words and told us delightful anecdotes about his third nipple.

Now would be a good time to lighten the mood by whipping out the third nipple for some show ‘n’ tell.

The soldiers have been monitoring all this ridiculousness on CCTV and decide to publicly shame Locky. At midnight, they call an emergency meeting on the parade square and force all the celebrities to declare who they like better: Locky or Pauly.

As expected, they say they like Pauly the least which offers the soldiers an excellent opportunity to blindside Locky with a dressing down.

“I don’t know what type of voodoo magic he’s got over you,” head soldier Ant Middleton spits to the celebrities before turning to the former Survivor contestant. “Because you are the biggest liability.”

And with these words, Locky breaks down and cries.

Now, before all this drama happened, Locky proudly told us he never cries.

“I’m just not a crier — I can’t remember the last time I had a good cry. But sometimes, you have to cry. Like, look at Sam Burgess. Everyone fell in love with him when he cried,” he grinned in a direct-to-camera interview, as if it was a manipulative trick that he couldn’t wait to deploy himself.

He was referring to the embattled former footy star who appeared on SAS Australia last year and tearfully admitted to drug use and cheating on his wife. The appearance was a blatant attempt at engineering a redemption narrative but backfired because it was … you know … a blatant attempt at engineering a redemption narrative.

But in Locky’s mind, it was a complete success and he’d like to follow in the footsteps of Sam Burgess. Good god.

Convincing.

The tears are the final straw for the soldiers, who yank Locky into a concrete cell and scream at him. Partly because they don’t like weakness. But mainly because they need to ensure they’ve solidified Locky’s role as the series villain.

“Who the f**k do you think you are?” Ant Middleton snipes as Locky is chained to a metal chair.

“You’re a cocky c**t. When I saw you dive in there today being the f**king hero, I was like, ‘He thinks he’s on a f**kin’ reality TV show’. Do not get this confused with being f**kin’ Survivor or The Bachelor. Do you think you’re better than everyone else? You’re a f**kin’ bully.”

It’s a sobering moment for Locklan. But more than anything, it just makes us wish Channel 7 bosses would come to their senses and install Ant Middleton as the mean judge on the upcoming reboot of Australian Idol.

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