James Weir recaps Farmer Wants A Wife: TV exit after co-star dobs

A “shocking secret” has circulated around a major Channel 7 show and threatened to “tear” it apart. James Weir recaps.

A high-maintenance city girl is ejected from a remote country town after being dobbed on for not wanting to participate in the farming aspect of the show Farmer Wants A Wife.

This urgent Rex flight back to the big smoke is the fourth exit of the season involving a contestant who refuses to adhere to the rural location of the reality show, despite it being stipulated quite clearly in the program’s title.

How many more ladies are going to be blindsided by the realisation that Farmer Wants A Wife involves farms? It’d be like if someone signed up for Married At First Sight and then acted shocked when they got glassed by a girl in a bodycon dress.

JAMES WEIR: Read all the recaps here

It’s the morning after Keely and Calya’s campsite cat fight where Calya officially declared she has no interest in ever living on a farm. Keely stopped short of calling Calya a different C-word.

“The revelation of a shocking secret threatens to tear one farm apart,” host Sam Armytage warns in the voiceover.

Forget the drought and mice plague. It’s Calya’s secret hatred of farms that threatens to bring down Australia’s agriculture industry.

The only person who doesn’t know about Calya’s rural renouncement is Farmer Joe. Tension builds as Keely waits for the perfect moment to spill the secret. And when she does, hell will rain down harder than the drops of corn juice in that old McCain’s commercial.

“I think he has a right to know the truth,” Keely nods. “I don’t think it’s fair on Joe for someone to be here, wasting his time.”

When it comes to lies and deception of this magnitude, it takes someone brave and fearless to blow the whistle. Keely accepts the challenge. Showing great discretion, she decides to dob to Farmer Joe in a paddock, while Calya pretends to clean up tree branches three metres away.

Clandestine!

“I wanna be honest, there was a bit of a blow up between Calya and myself,” Keely confides in Joe. “Calya’s always talking about being honest and, from what she’s told us girls, she doesn’t necessarily want to be here. And it’s a bit frustrating to have someone cause all this drama knowing that they’re not really wanting to be here.”

Joe’s fed up. Mainly with the fact that all his girls have variations of the same name — Keely, Calya, Claire, Kronk, Kranston, Korgan. But he’s also furious that all of them have seemingly come here with the expectation that he’ll move for them — as if his cattle station can simply be relocated to the rooftop garden of a Meriton skyscraper.

‘Thanks for informing me, Kronk.’

As dusk begins to fall, the ominous shadows match Farmer Joe’s mood. He decides to confront Calya over the lukewarm roast dinner that has been prepared by his harem.

“I have one question that’s been brought up,” he begins. “I’ve been hearing snippets-”

“Who are you hearing these snippets from?” Calya interrupts, clanging her fork down on the plate.

She can feel the walls closing in. She knows she’s about to be dumped. So she pulls a classic reality TV move and announces that she’s graciously deciding to remove herself from the competition because she simply can’t bear to be away from her high-flying career as a fledgling fashion stylist.

“I’m just so focused on what I want to achieve,” she tells him. “I don’t see myself full-time on the farm.”

She could’ve launched a successful business styling local CWA ladies. What a missed opportunity.

But she insists she wasn’t lying about her hatred of farms.

“I just needed the space to figure out what my honesty was,” she says.

Hmmm. Sure, Korgan.

Facebook: @hellojamesweir