James Weir recaps Farmer Wants A Wife: Frenemy’s revenge with boyfriend in shower

After an insulting attack, one reality TV contestant gets payback with a sexy romp that her enemy walks in on. James Weir recaps.

A Farmer Wants A Wife harem is rocked by jealousy and revenge on Tuesday night when one of the ladies orchestrates a romp with the communal boyfriend in the communal bathroom.

Outrage ensues, with everyone blindsided by the news they’re dating the same man, as per the rules of the show they all signed up for.

The incident leaves a bitter taste. … or maybe that’s just the bore water.

JAMES WEIR:Read all the recaps here

Things are still tense between the ladies at Farmer Joe’s homestead after Cayla accused Keely and Claire of being two-faced fakes — an insult that has never before been hurled at a reality TV contestant.

In the harsh light of day, while worming the sheep of parasites, Cayla glares at her frenemies and fantasises about spraying them with pesticides.

Spritz spritz binch.

Keely’s quietly fuming about being called a two-faced fake. So when she scores a date with Farmer Joe, she decides to prepare an intimate afternoon of nude painting. This date has been carefully curated with pure intentions to foster a deeper connection. The fact it will also irritate the hell out of Cayla is purely an accidental bonus.

How ya like dem apples, Cayla?

Nude painting naturally leads to a his-and-hers soak in the communal bathtub.

“I think all the other girls are gonna hate me for this,” Keely muses.

Well, it’s a good thing you’re doing it in a secret place they never go.

Totally discrete!

“It was very intimate. A nice special moment that is only about the two of us in that moment,” Joe smiles.

Completely intimate! Just you and Keely … and the other girls in the harem who, on cue, are herded into the house by producers to discover the romp.

“Why is it so quiet?” Cayla furrows her brow while padding down the hall. “Are they here?”

The girls notice the bathroom door is closed.

“Are they in there?” Cayla says in jest.

Like a cartoon, they press their ears against the door. There’s splishing and splashing. And … slurping. The girls have no choice but to bust in.

“Noooo!” they scream.

Their cries echo around the tiled bathroom — rattling the walls of the hundred-year-old homestead. It’s a miracle the whole shack doesn’t crumble to dust.

Producers scored this scene with the screeching violins from Psycho.

A string of bleeped obscenities follow.

“Oh Jesus!”

The girls scramble back out into the hall and slam the door.

“It’s not ideal seeing a guy you’re dating tangled in a bath with another woman,” Sarah fumes to us.

Moments later, Keely strides out, positively glowing. Steam from the bathroom billows out behind her, fogging up the camera lens.

Oh, hi! We were just … exfoliating.

We wait for Cayla to attack Keely again for being a fake. No words come. She’s too startled from the bathroom horror she just witnessed.

One question remains: did Keely remember to cleanse her two faces?

Facebook: @hellojamesweir