James Weir recaps Farmer Wants A Wife 2022 episode 7

A dating show has been thrown out of whack by one of the stars who decided the contestants weren’t good enough and sent them all home. James Weir recaps.

One of the suitors on Farmer Wants A Wife does the most sensible thing we’ve ever seen on a dating show during Tuesday night’s episode when she deems all the contestants not good enough and quits the competition entirely.

It’s an empowering moment. But then, because it’s a reality show that’s already been locked into a rigid broadcast schedule, producers drag her back into the competition to date a few more random contestants that the TV crew has thoughtfully plucked off the street.

The forced backflip really takes the spark out of her triumphant act. It’s like when you throw a tantrum at a David Jones counter to successfully get a cash refund on a five-month old purchase and storm off victoriously only to then get stuck in a maze of clothing racks while trying to find the exit.

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We’re still on the overnight camping trip. Boo! But a bunch of people are about to get dumped and forced to find their own way back to civilisation. Yay!

Farmer Will, Farmer Benjamin, Farmer Harry and Farmer Ben all pick random chicks to spend 24-hours with in a caravan. Gross. We can practically feel the vinyl of the kitchenette’s bench seat sticking to the backs of our thighs.

What happens to the leftover ladies who don’t get chosen for the date? They get shipped back to their respective farms in the back of a HiLux.

But they don’t feel bad. All they’re missing out on are DIY mud baths that producers have ripped off from The Bachelor.

Hot tip: romantic dates shouldn’t involve smearing brown matter on each other.

This will never be sexy.

Then it’s Farmer Paige’s turn to pick her bloke for the 24-hour date. As the only female farmer, she should’ve had the best selection of contestants. Producers had to scrounge around to find enough sheilas to share between the boys. But for Paige, she got the top picks. Or … not.

Somehow, just two weeks in, she only has two fellas left. A guy called Dylan, who she kinda likes – but, when she told him last night that she digs him, his reply was basically, “Ha, yeah, nah, cool, but … yeah, I dunno”.

And then there’s Glenn. He likes Paige but Paige doesn’t like him. We don’t know why. He’s so jolly. Why is jolliness such a great quality in Santa but not something we look for on Tinder profiles? Easygoing guy. Love Sunday beers and arvos on the couch. Hikes are life. Jolly.

Let’s hear it for the jolly boys.

Anyway, Paige is no longer interested in either of her remaining guys. It’s like they’ve doused themselves in whatever the romantic version of Bushman bug spray is. So, Joop.

“I want love. And I want that potential for love,” Paige says, standing in front of the boys at the communal camping site.

“What I need to do is listen to myself. And … today I’m not actually going to be asking either of the gentlemen to come on a date with me. I made the decision to send both boys home.”

Both boys sit in their sad little deck chairs and don’t really care:

‘Soooo … can we go?’

Paige also doesn’t really care:

Meh.

The host Natalie Gruzlewski seems to be the most devastated:

Get over it, Nat.

Then Paige and the two dumped guys have to lug all their camping equipment to the sponsorship Rav4 and travel in silence back to town.

It’s a beautiful setting to get dumped in.

“That means your love story ends here!” Natalia calls out to Paige.

Is that a threat, Natalie? Because you’re no longer the boss of this show. Now that Samantha Armytage has agreed to appear on this program as Australia’s new favourite wingwoman, we’ll be dealing exclusively with her.

Once everyone rinses off the mud that was applied to their bodies on the 24-hour dates, the farmers head back into town where Samantha is waiting to drive her bulldozer through their dreams by introducing new contestants.

We haven’t seen that dame for days but now it all makes sense. She has been toiling away. We watch as overlay footage plays, showing Sam hanging out in the home office of her Bowral estate, perusing dating profiles that she’s made the production team print out for her.

Shoving someone’s dating profile into a paper shredder is so much more satisfying than just swiping left.

Samantha summons all the farmers to a random homestead – including Paige. That farmerette wasn’t going to escape easily. Producers set the sheep dogs on her when she tried to make a run for it and now she’s back, matched with two new guys Samantha has personally selected for her.

It’s tremendous. Personally, I’d like to hand over full control of my Grindr profile to Samantha.

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