James Weir recaps Farmer Wants A Wife 2022 episode 6

A Channel 7 star has made the odd decision to out himself as a two-timer and the revelation sparks a confrontation. James Weir recaps.

One of the stockmen on Farmer Wants A Wife gets crushed like sugarcane when he makes the odd decision to confess he is a two-timer who has kissed multiple ladies on the show even though, technically, he’s contractually obligated to be, like, five-timing all of them.

Of course, some of the girls act like this is earth-shattering information they never could’ve predicted. But we feel most sorry for the gal who basically gets told she’s the only one who hasn’t been kissed. We just wish she found out a different way. Like, maybe she could’ve been told by the country town’s gossipy old lady one morning while waiting in line at the milk bar on the main drag.

Anyway, tonight’s whole plot could be the subject of a character-driven Dolly Parton song that goes about three verses too long.

JAMES WEIR RECAPS: Read all the recaps

It’s 5am at Farmer Ben’s joint and we find two of his sheilas shoving frozen slices of Tip Top into his ancient toaster. Something’s not quite right. There should be three ladies here defrosting the bread.

“Where do you reckon Ben and Leish are?” one of the girls asks.

“Uh, I dunno. They’ve been gone for a little bit,” the other girl sighs.

Obviously we don’t know either of these girls’ names and there’s a high chance Ben doesn’t either. That may explain why he has completely abandoned them.

A little off-topic, but this kitchen could use a revamp.

The screen door rattles open. Ben and Leish stumble in.

“Where’d you go?” Girl 1 asks, trying not to seem accusatory, but failing.

Where’d he go? By the looks of Ben’s sleeveless shirt, Mardi Gras.

I have three of these exact same shirts.

At first Leish gets shy. Then she decides to rub it in the girls’ faces.

“Ben took me to a lookout and we looked out over the property,” she smiles.

“Ohhh cuuuute,” Girl 2 replies, resisting the urge to smash a coffee mug.

“Super romantic,” Girl 1 adds, trying to stop herself from pelting Leish with frozen slices of Tip Top.

Girl 1 and Girl 2 should really consider themselves lucky. At least Farmer Ben is only hooking up with one lady. Over on Farmer Benjamin’s farm (yes, there’s two farmer Benjamins), he’s playing two women against each other – and leaving out the third. First he kissed Lyndsay. Then Erin. Poor Hannah is the only one who hasn’t been pashed.

It’s never nice to be excluded – especially with kissing. Everyone else is running around swapping saliva and being cute and sharing Zovirax sticks. It hurts.

“I don’t think that Benjamin would go around kissing one person then another then another,” Hannah muses to us, obviously after being questioned by a sneaky producer. “I don’t think he’d go around kissing everybody.”

Oh Hannah. Sweet, innocent, un-pashed Hannah.

She’ll be crushed when she finds out the truth. In fact, all three of the girls will be devastated. In five, four, three, two …

“Have you kissed anyone else?” Lyndsay asks Benjamin point-blank during a solo chat.

Benjamin nods. He tells her about the pash with Erin.

“Cool,” she snaps while wiping away the tears that have already started to fall.

She’s shattered. More shattered than the other day when she didn’t get picked for that helicopter date.

Lyndsay’s dream is for Benjamin to kiss her while in that damn helicopter.

It’s around now Benjamin decides it’d be a fun idea to go brag about the multiple kisses to the other two unsuspecting girls. If he goes through with this plan, it’ll completely ruin the group camping trip they’re all on. Obviously the producers encourage him to proceed.

He yanks Hannah over for a chat to basically tell her she’s the only one who hasn’t been kissed. Considerate!

She takes it surprisingly well. And by “surprisingly well”, we mean she locks herself in a caravan and fumes to Lyndsay.

“I got friend-zoned,” she snaps.

Lyndsay squints and nods. “You know what? So did I,” she says bitterly.

Lynds, you did not get friend-zoned. Please stop trying to steal Hannah’s moment. The poor girl just found out she’s Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed. Let her have the spotlight for a minute.

“I thought he hadn’t kissed anyone,” Hannah says. “It’s the biggest kick in the guts.”

They’re both so busy ranting they don’t even notice us peering through the caravan window with cameras.

Girls, it’s a caravan, not a soundproof booth.

While Hannah and Lyndsay continue to compete over who has been more friend-zoned, Erin smartly identifies their absence as an opportunity to hang out with Benjamin and nab a second kiss.

Everything’s going great, until Benjamin starts crapping on again about how he’s also pashed Lyndsay. This makes Erin snap. Well, first she takes a big gulp of her cask wine, and then she snaps.

Glug, glug, glug.

“I didn’t want our chat tonight to be about anybody else!” she rages. “Because that’s the reality of it – there are two other girls here! Yeah, yeah, yeah – I f**kin’ know that! Like, don’t shove it down my throat – I already know that. We don’t need to waste 15 minutes that we could’ve just talked about us instead of about … I’m not tryna be an angry b*tch but … I’m just patient until I crack. I’m not here for that, I’m here for you.”

Erin’s shouting arouses something in Benjamin. It also arouses something in us – mainly the desire to begin all statements with: “I’m not tryna be an angry b**ch, but …”

’I’m not tryna be an angry b**ch, but THAT BEARD HAS GOTTA GO. Also, STOP SAYING THE WORD ‘GROOVY!’.

Meanwhile, something’s not quite right with Girl 1. Or is it Girl 2? We still can’t tell them apart. Anyway, one of them confronts Ben about only showing attention to Leish and then quits the show.

Naw. Sah sad.

We’re gonna miss you, Girl 1 or Girl 2.

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir