James Weir recaps Big Brother Australia 2021 episode 2 | Martha’s mum’s bizarre intrusion

The mother of MAFS star Martha has crashed the Big Brother mansion. James Weir recaps the excruciating intrusion.

When it comes to matching Channel 9’s success with Married At First Sight, Channel 7’s philosophy is simple: If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

This is why Big Brother producers spike the cast on Tuesday night with a sure-fire ratings grabber, plucked right out of the MAFS circus. Australia, it’s the moment you’ve been waiting for! Please welcome … *checks notes* … Martha’s … mum? Apparently Bryce’s secret girlfriend was unavailable.

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Given the calibre of contestants in the Big Brother house this year, we welcome Martha’s mum with open arms. She’s one of eight intruders who are introduced tonight for absolutely no reason. Kruges can’t believe she has to stand out in the driveway of this goddamn house again just to greet them.

We know, Kruges. We feel your pain.

As the car rolls up, Martha’s mum goes and articulates exactly how we feel.

“Somebody kick me,” she gasps.

Seriously — somebody, please, kick me.

Who are the other intruders? We tune out as soon as one guy says he’s a magician.

“ … But I do get naked in my show — it’s like a naked magic show,” he adds.

Hmmm. OK. Fine. We’re interested again. You should’ve led with the naked stuff first. Tell us … Where did you say this magic show is and is it available to stream online?

Show us ya damn wand.

The intruders are then shoved into the house and guided down a hallway where they enter a tiny room designed to look like an airline cabin. This is where they will remain for 24 hours. The whole stunt is about as appealing as being trapped on an at-capacity regional Jetstar flight that’s just taxiing around the tarmac for an entire day.

When the mechanics kick in to simulate turbulence and a near-crash, Martha’s mum snaps into action.

“I don’t wanna waste my wine!” she screams while using her palm to shield the top of her plastic cup.

Martha’s mum prioritising her cask wine over human lives during a plane crash is the most relatable thing ever shown on reality television.

Kinda hoping this turns into Cast Away.

As a treat, producers allow us to disembark the flight from hell and enter the actual Big Brother mansion where the original contestants are competing in another one of those annoyingly convoluted challenges. Wow. It’s like we just scored an upgrade to Tiger.

It all ends with three names up for elimination: Katie, SJ and Flex Mami.

Now’s the time when all the nominees usually scramble and try becoming best pals with the housemates they hate so as not to be voted out. But Flex wants no part in desperate begging.

“I already know my strengths — I’m a social b*tch,” she declares while kicking back in the pool and ignoring the others.

Great strategy!

Precisely.

Flex is voted out of the Big Brother mansion in a landslide eviction.

Meanwhile, the Big Brother Airways flight has come crashing to the ground. As the bleary-eyed passengers are ushered into the mansion and introduced to their housemates, we can’t help but recall more livelier moments on reality TV — like, say, when Married At First Sight’sMartha glassed Cyrell after being choked while wearing a hydrating face mask.

Martha’s mum better re-enact this. That’s all we want. It’s not asking for too much.

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir

Better days: Cyrell attacks Martha during an at-home spa treatment.