James Weir recaps Big Brother Australia 2020 episode 5

A petty feud is ignited in the Big Brother mansion after a lie is spread. It blows up and ends in an unfair exit. James Weir recaps.

A sneaky lie is spread in the Big Brother mansion on Monday night that ignites a petty feud before the victim is blown out of the house like the giant booger that violently exits Kieran’s nose in tonight’s challenge.

It’s confronting. The booger – not the mass carnage and betrayal.

What started as Chinese whispers amplifies to a roar as the housemates turn on each other. Even Sonia Kruger gets involved to stoke the flames. That wily dame.

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But first, some sad news. Ian is informed his pet huntsman Patricia has died. Producers honour Trish’s memory by playing archived footage of her in better health, like she’s being honoured posthumously at the Oscars.

Vale Patricia. We organise a beautiful cremation service and make Kruges deliver the eulogy.

Angela isn’t letting the death of some crusty old spider dull her joy. She’s still celebrating the win that saw her regain power of the kingdom and allowed her to banish Talia.

“I have dethroned the queen and the castle – all the workers are free!” she says.

Angela is perhaps the only person who can refer to her peers as peasants and still be well-liked.

Shouldn’t the queen be watching her back? After all, Dan promised to come after her, should she dismantle the monarchy. Without Talia, he’s merely a court jester and proceeds to dance in the piazza.

“You know when you’re angry and you say things you don’t mean? I said I’d come for you and I didn’t mean it,” he quivers to Angela. Will his head roll? He’s safe. For now.

Right now Ange has to deal with other issues in her kingdom. The first? A plague of L-platers.

“Kieran’s driving is a public safety issue!” she declares.

Because his terrible driving is well known and has probably appeared on A Current Affair, he is tasked with doing a driving test that involves a three-point turn. He fails.

If this was the real world, he would’ve reversed into a Hyundai i30, smashed into a Camry at the front, and then sideswiped a cyclist as he lunged out into traffic before careening into some alfresco diners.

Sweet ride brah.

Kieran’s in a bind. He doesn’t know why the other kids don’t like him and thinks there’s a target on his back. He devises a plan: Spread lies and slander about someone else. Looking around the living room, he selects Danni.

Kieran, like his driving, is not slick. As he sits at the dining table, he nods over to Danni and whispers to Garth that she has been bitching about him.

“She told me she doesn’t really trust you,” he mouths. “She said you were a snake.”

Kieran has a history of talking rubbish. Garth should know this, right? Wrong. He lets his yen for the spotlight dictate how he reacts and begins to run around to everyone bitching about Danni.

“I’m on the war path and I’m ready to tear her to shreds,” he hisses.

He crosses paths with Danni in the bedroom and she innocently tells him some of the girls are down the hall in the green room if he’d like to join. He takes this as a personal attack.

“You know what? Danni’s gotta go, she’s bringing down the whole house,” he huffs to someone else.

Angie catches word of the feud in her kingdom and decides to take swift action – planning to take down both Garth and Danni.

“I don’t want drama, I’m on holiday,” she sighs. “They better watch out because if I win the next challenge – goodbye, see you later.”

The challenge is as interesting as watching water drip from a leaky tap for five hours, because that is actually what it is.

Captivating, thrilling, must-see.

Finally, the action picks up when a booger the size of a Honda Jazz splodges out of Kieran’s nose and sets up shop just outside his left nostril.

That’s a boog.

As everyone screams in terror, he attempts to dislodge it by aggressively sniffing out, but it creates a snot bubble.

There’s really no other way to describe this, sorry.

The sheer disgust makes everyone weak and they exit the challenge to dry-heave.

Angela knows she has this in the bag. She’s so confident she yanks out the Revlon lip gloss that’s wedged beneath her bra strap and effortlessly applies it.

This is a legitimate power move and should be taught in business schools.

And just like that, she wins again. She makes good on her promise to diffuse the drama. Danni, Zoe and Garth are all up for eviction.

Garth is positively shocked that Ange-a-licious would do this to him.

“Danni has been saying stuff about me! How bloody dare you,” he snips along with other stuff but we don’t listen because we’re distracted by his blouse.

“I’m ready just to unload some sh*t!”

And he does. As they all assemble around the television for Sonia to begin the elimination, the housemates spiral down into an argument over linguistics.

“Garth came into the bedroom and I thought he was looking for Cass and Zoe and I said, ‘Oh, they’re in the green room’,” she shrugs. “But then Zoe came down and said, “Garth just told us you said we were in here bitching!”

“What?” Garth shrieks, his mouth agape.

Garth’s mouth, agape.

Then Kruges decides to pour fuel onto the flames.

“Mmmhmm. Mhhm. So he was stirring the pot,” she says definitively.

Garth can’t believe Kruges has turned on him like this.

He’s so shocked he wishes he could gape his mouth open even more.

“I was walking up to go to the toilet and Danni said, ‘THE GIRLS ARE IN THE GREEN ROOM!’” he says, adding a disapproving tone while quoting Danni.

Of course Sonia knows Kieran’s lie is at the root of this issue and she decides to expose it – just for kicks.

“So Garth, how does this happen?” she asks, knowing he will share the rumour Kieran told him earlier in the day.

“I had someone come up to me and they said Danni said I’m a snake,” he says.

Now, with everyone feeling angry and betrayed, Sonia decides to let them simmer on it for 24 hours without any closure and jumps straight to the eviction.

Danni cops 11 votes and is booted – all because of Kieran’s lie. She is the victim in a sneaky game she didn’t even know had started. But as her Uber pulls away from the mansion, she pieces the puzzle together.

“If my gut is right, I believe it was you, Kieran,” she growls down the lens of the camera. “Kieran might’ve been that snake.”

We already know, but thanks Danni.

Inside the house, word is spreading of Kieran’s lie. Danni will never get justice but the housemates pledge to seek payback for the trauma that L-plater caused.

“Kieran started that whole thing. He lied to me,” Garth whispers.

We already know, but thanks Garth.

The group hatches a plan to take him down. And we know for sure he’s not capable of doing a three-point turn to get out of this jam.

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