James Weir recaps Big Brother Australia 2020 episode 4
Big Brother’s “mean girl” didn’t see this power shift coming in the mansion on Sunday. And it ended in a surly exit. James Weir recaps.
A power shift rumbles through the Big Brother mansion on Sunday night as enemy lines are drawn and the true queen takes her throne before promptly banishing a bitter duchess with one simple wave of her Revlon lip gloss wand.
It’s exactly like The Crown but with hair extensions and bogans.
We’re also gifted the beginnings of a house romance that escalates to some same-bed snuggling in the middle of the night – and you better believe we watch it all unfold on the night vision CCTV feed like the big creeps we are.
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It’s day eight, and Angela proves yet again why she’s the show’s MVP.
“These people are waking up in the morning to … exercise! It’s like, who does that? I don’t get it. I’m more a lady of leisure,” she tells us from the comfort of the diary room as everyone busts a sweat.
Meanwhile, Chad and Sophie are flirting and it’s embarrassing to hear. They lay down by the pool and play with each other’s hands.
“Ooh, you know what they say about long fingers,” she giggles.
“That they can reach the bottom of the Pringles can more easily?” we interrupt before skipping away to hide Angela’s tea bags again.
We soon get sidetracked when Big Brother announces tonight’s challenge. The housemates will each be locked in a room with their biggest phobia.
Now, the first rule of going on a reality show is – when producers are interviewing you during the selection process – you never tell them what your biggest fear is. And when they ask you – because they always do – just lie. For example, when I’m eventually recruited to be the mean girl on Married At First Sight, I will tell producers my biggest phobia is tequila and Aesop body wash.
Well, it seems like these housemates may have cottoned onto this trick. Either that or they’re just big weirdos with incredibly bizarre fears that they should absolutely seek long-term therapy for.
“The only thing I have a phobia of is knees,” Sarah shares with us. “The fear of knees, it’s just like a nightmare. I get severe anxiety. It’s deep in my brain and I’ve tried everything to get rid of it. I’ve vomited before. I’ve hyperventilated – it gets bad.”
She’s shoved into a room and we hear the lock click.
“Cue the knees,” Big Brother demands.
And, just like that, four kneecaps poke through some holes in the wall that are not unlike the ones you might find in the stall divider of a public toilet.
“Sarah, Big Brother would like you to rub some moisturiser on each of these parched knees,” he sighs.
“They’re hairy!” she cries, as the bandaid on one of them festers in the humidity.
After a panic attack, Sarah musters up the courage to pick up the bottle of Aveeno, squirt some cream into her palm and – at a distance – apply it.
“Ew, it’s like a boob!” she vomits into her mouth, rubbing the hairy knee. I don’t know much about boobs but if they’re like hairy knees I’m definitely not interested in them.
After this, it’s a roll call of circus freaks and their fears.
While everyone is distracted, Big Brother yanks Chad into the diary room and demands he make a move on Sophie. We want dancing donnas like it’s 2001, please and thank you.
That night, Chad sneaks her into his bed while everyone else is asleep and they proceed to kiss and mildly grind. We watch the night vision CCTV feed and it’s not at all creepy.
Battle lines have been firmly drawn after one week in the house and the divide is clear. There are the cool kids – led by Dan and Talia, who isn’t doing much to drop the “mean girl” nickname Twitter anointed her with. And then there’s the rag-tag team of misfits, led by Angela and Marissa.
All the cools kids devise a strategy. If they win the elimination challenges, they’re going to nominate to vote out the misfits and only keep the cool kids in the club house.
Angie sees them strategising and takes quiet action.
“Talia thinks she’s queen bee and Dan thinks he’s king,” she says. “Talia has an army behind her. But I’m gonna overturn this kingdom. Dan and Talia are the king and queen of that castle and I need to bring that castle down.”
And if anyone can, it’s Ange-a-licious.
Kieran is in the misfit group until he accidentally overhears the cool kids bitching about him, so he pulls a rat move and tells Dan about the secret plan to topple him.
Dan runs in fear to Talia and informs her the peasants are revolting and she swiftly summons Angela to issue a warning: should she execute her plan, there will be blood in the morning.
We head back down to the old Australian Spartan set and watch a boring challenge. After three months of being spammed by at-home workout videos from fitfluencers, we don’t need to watch any more people doing physical activity.
Everyone has to wrap their bodies around some poles and stay suspended in the air for hours. They all fall like flies and, in the ultimate power move, Queen Ange-a-licious wins while effortlessly applying lip gloss.
Victorious and supple-lipped, Angela wastes no time in choosing the heads that will roll.
“The three people up for elimination are Dan, Talia, Casey,” she smiles. “Talia told me if I voted for them, there’d be blood. Honey, the only red I do is on my nails.”
Big Brother announces the nominations and the cool kids are sent into a spin. Talia pulls her minions outside.
“Destroy her. Destroy her,” she tells them about Angela.
Who actually says those words in real life? “Destroy her”?
Meanwhile, Dan is confronting Angela to prove they have no hesitation in acting on their threats.
“Watch your back,” he spits.
Honestly, Dan and Talia talk like cartoon villains. And they’re so shocked they’ve been nominated to leave the house. Um, maybe stop walking around pointing at people and muttering that you’ll destroy them? Just a suggestion.
But Dan and Talia don’t listen and continue to issue threats.
“If I win a challenge, Ange, you’re going up,” he hisses across the couch as they await the results of the elimination.
Behind closed doors, Dan’s shaken. He knows his time might be up. Sitting in the diary room, he announces his vote while man-crying.
“Kacie,” he sobs.
“Why?” Big Brother asks.
“Please just take it. Please just take it. I don’t have a reason,” he breaks down.
Talia also struggles through placing her vote.
“I’d like to evict Dan,” she cries, throwing her accomplice to the wolves.
“That’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever said in my life,” she wails, even though it has been one week and she barely knows these people.
Sonia Skypes into the mansion from her living room to announce the loser. It’s Talia. She breaks down and scrunches up her face as her body tries to decide which emotion it wants to experience first: heartbreaking upset or heinous rage.
“I love you. I love you so much. I love you. I love you,” Dan cries as he hugs her and, again, let the record show, it has been one week.
Everyone gathers around Talia but Ange-a-licious stands back and surveys her kingdom. What’s done is done. She fought the battle that was waged against her. And she won.
Because she’s a classy dame, she decides to hug the girl she banished but Talia lashes out – dodging the new queen’s embrace and lunging back.
“Excuse me! Excuse me!” she asserts with wide eyes before shoving past Angela.
A new day has dawned in this realm.
What is Queen Ange-a-licious’s first order? No more exercising.
We’ve never seen a better use of power.
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