Brenton gives a risque eviction pitch, and SJ and Danny team up

A Big Brother star has left his fellow contestants red-faced with a sexually charged elimination speech, while another is tossed out in a stunning blindside.

Big Brother intruder Brenton has made his intentions with Christina clear, pledging that he plans to wait until they’re no longer on national television to “spend the night together”.

And they say romance is dead!

Elsewhere, Danny is back to his sly ways and SJ ruthlessly turns on a former ally, resulting in a challenge machine being banished to the panic room as the second “walking dead”.

It’s episode 16 and someone’s getting carried away with close up shots of people eating again.

I’m going to assume there’s symbolism behind it and not some weird fetish over at Channel 7.

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Christina is still in the creepy halfway house where she presumably spends her days scooping peanut butter directly out of the jar with her bare hands and smearing it on the walls to spite the housemates who betrayed her.

Over in the main quarters, the original housemates are reminded they’ve been – to put it as eloquently as former contestant Charlotte – “stuck in a house with a pack of lunatics” for five weeks.

As a treat, Big Brother plays them all a second of footage of their loved ones. Naturally, to score a longer call with their family members, they’re asked to replicate an ice sculpture of a swan.

They’re paired up and given a bundle of sharp tools to hack away at their ice blocks, which seems like a risky move given these people are one food-related dummy spit away from an all-out brawl.

It becomes clear that several of the contestants have an eye for artistic detail, chipping away at their ice with such grace and finesse you’d be forgiven for thinking they were fully-fledged sculptors.

… Apart from Marley and Jess, who produce a swan that looks remarkably like the Elephant Man.

‘I AM A HUMAN BEING’.

Mitch and Charlotte are declared the winners, but as they’re recent newcomers in the house, they decide to give their calls to Jess and Sid.

The gesture pisses SJ right off, and she starts plotting to take down the strong alliance of Mitch, her former close friend Jess, and Marley.

She rallies Danny, Ari and Christina (through the peephole in her cave), who are all on board.

A nomination challenge is set, and you know the drill, I pay very little attention to the rules and zone out almost instantly.

Tilly is the victor, and given she’s played the game as a relative lone wolf so far, the newly-formed alliance starts to worry she’ll go rogue and nominate one of them.

She picks Mitch, Brenton and Ari, sending the two alliances into a frenzy.

Mitch, Marley and Jess go to work convincing the “floaters” to vote out Brenton, while SJ and Danny persuade them to opt for Mitch. Ari, for the first time in weeks (and much to my relief), is safe.

Safe to sass another day.

With uncomfortably close shots of people shoving food in their mouths a running theme this episode, we’re treated to footage of Danny forcing an entire sandwich into his mouth as he approaches Brenton for a chat.

He sidles over to him on the couch, his mouth still full of Wonder White, and relays the plan in a bread-muffled whisper.

Despite Danny very nearly spraying specks of chewed up bread all over his pretty face, Brenton decides to trust him.

This would honestly be enough for me to quit the show on the spot.

The contestants head into Sonia’s dungeon, where the eviction nominees give their final pitches.

Brenton decides, in a wildly misguided move, to put a raunchy spin on his, reminding the room and the entire watching public that he’s intent on getting intimate with Christina.

“I will have my day when I get to spend the night with Christina in a room, but the next two days is not it, so please don’t use that as a reason tonight,” he says with a laugh.

“If there’s anyone that thinks they’re doing me a favour by putting me in that room, they’re not,” he adds.

Christina responds by physically recoiling and putting her hands up to her face in a fit of awkward giggles.

An appropriate reaction.

Much to the shock of Jess and Marley, Mitch is sent to the panic room, meaning he and Christina will automatically be up for eviction at the end of the week.

At least they’re safe from specks of chewed up bread flying from Danny’s mouth.