This week's TV, with guest reviewers Andrew Fenton, Colin Vickery, Holly Byrnes and Leigh Paatsch

A NIGHT at home on the couch will seem more enticing than ever after you read what's on offer this week.

TV guide

A NIGHT at home on the couch will seem more enticing than ever after you read what's on offer this week.

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Tuesday, April 2
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ANGELS & DEMONS
Channel 9, 8.30pm
Rating: 2/5

THIS Da Vinci Code sequel is flat-out silly, a highly strung hunk of ham that plays games and pulls faces like one of those goofy Nic Cage National Treasure flicks. On the eve of a papal election, maverick symbologist Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) has one night to solve a case involving four kidnapped cardinals, or Vatican City will be blown to high heaven. Despite its eye-popping locations and tension-riddled race against time, it is surprising how downright dull Angels & Demons turns out to be. The ridiculous, over-explanatory dialogue sounds like people reading aloud from Wikipedia.

KNOCKED UP
Channel 7, 8.45pm
Rating: 4/5

TELLS the remarkably cliche-free tale of the unlikely romance that blossoms after a one-night stand between a total slob (Seth Rogen) and a pretty TV host (Katherine Heigl) ends in pregnancy. As was the case with The 40-Year-Old Virgin (the director's previous film), Knocked Up's guilt-edged, crowd-pleasing humour is the result of a weirdly effective alchemy between the openly vulgar and deceptively sweet.

THE SWITCH
GO!, 8.30pm
Rating: 4/5

JENNIFER Aniston and Jason Bateman are well paired in this awkwardly endearing rom-com with an artificial-insemination twist. Aniston plays a single mother who learns the real father of her young son is not the well-qualified sperm donor she originally selected. Though The Switch does take a while to hit its stride, there is a woozy sweetness to the humour that works very well.

* DON'T MISS
PORKY'S
GO!, 10.30pm
Rating: 2.5/5

One of the early movies of the sex-and-booze on campus genre. A bit of a howler, really.

By Leigh Paatsch

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Wednesday, April 3
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THE ELEGANT GENTLEMAN'S GUIDE TO KNIFE FIGHTING
ABC1, 9pm
Rating: 4/5

IT won't be to everyone's taste but Elegant Gentleman is an impressive slice of alternative sketch comedy with an undercurrent of danger. From the people behind A Moody Christmas, the performances are excellent, and the writing avoids cliches. Not everything works but the sketches that do are memorable, like the aggressive Prius driver with a massive sense of entitlement; the Amish IT technician and the OHS officer at a porn shoot. At times it seems like it's trying a little too hard to be edgy, but too much edge is probably better than too little.

ROSS KEMP EXTREME WORLD
ABC2, 9.30pm
Rating: 3/5

THE worst thing you'll see this week is a 46-year-old alcoholic Glaswegian whose toes went black from frostbite so he broke them off. He keeps them on the top of his telly. Cue close-up. Other fascinating/horrible stories of poverty in Glasgow include a prostitute injected with heroin as a little girl so a relative could abuse her, and a homeless man who drinks 2.5 litres of vodka a day. Depressing, but never dull.

TRACTOR MONKEYS
ABC1, 8.30pm
Rating: 2.5/5

HEAD back to 1989 when team captain Dave O'Neil was young and slim and flogging his LP to Andrew Daddo on The Factory. "I do the funny stuff," Daddo told him. While the nostalgia stuff is interesting on this trivia quiz show, Merrick Watts looks uncomfortable as host and Monty Dimond isn't really funny, or knowledgeable, enough to be a team captain. "What's Live Aid?'' she asks. Instant disqualification.

* DON'T MISS
TRANSPORTER
FX, 7.30pm (QLD 6.30pm)
Rating: 3.5/5

How many of these "packages" that Frank needs to transport will be beautiful young women? Lots.

By Andrew Fenton

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Thursday, April 4
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JAMIE'S 15 MINUTE MEALS
Channel 10, 7.30pm
Rating: 3/5

CHANNEL 10 has been forced to shunt this Jamie Oliver cooking show into Thursday night after poor ratings for American Idol. That in itself is a pity because Idol is a terrific series that deserves a bigger audience. Oliver is a solid talent, but I doubt this is a long-term programming strategy. Tonight's menu features a quick beef stroganoff with red onion and parsley pickle plus Moroccan mussels. Next, the celebrity chef plates up fish baps with mushy peas and a blue cheese, hazelnut and apple salad. All very tasty, but I can't help thinking this is afternoon fare masquerading in prime time.

FOOD SAFARI
SBS One, 7.30pm
Rating: 3/5

CAN you tell there is a bit of a food theme to today's reviews? On this week's Food Safari Maeve O'Meara investigates Afghan food culture in Australia. Dishes include rice-based Kabuli pulao, ashak dumplings filled with gandana, bread from a tanur oven, kebabs and sheer pira, a tea and rosewater-scented sweet. Food Safari is more than a food show - it is a window into multicultural Australia.

MARCO PIERRE WHITE'S KITCHEN WARS
SBS One, 8.35pm
Rating: 3/5

MARCO Pierre White arrives in Liverpool and restaurateur-couples have 30 minutes to create a dish to impress him. First up are Maurizio and Rosaria, Italian cuisine specialists. "We've heard Marco doesn't like women who talk too much," Rosaria says. There is plenty of tension when Rosaria tells White she and Maurizio are cooking "what the customer would like, not what you would like".

By Colin Vickery

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Friday, April 5
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THE BIG BANG THEORY
Channel 9, 7pm
Rating: 3/5

BY my count, Channel 9 will screen 12 episodes of The Big Bang Theory this week, including three tonight. That is just on the main channel. I'm not counting the extra ones Nine will show on its digital channel GO! The US sitcom has reached the sort of saturation levels that eventually hobbled Charlie Sheen sitcom Two and a Half Men. Nine has form - hurting Top Gear and CSI: Crime Scene Investigation with too many repeats as well. I've never been the biggest fan of Big Bang, but even if I was, I would be thinking "enough already". Talk about killing the goose ...

THE DR BLAKE MYSTERIES
ABC1, 8.30pm
Rating: 4/5

"YOU'RE going to pay for what you did." That is the threat at the start of the 10th - and final - episode of the fantastic Aussie crime drama starring Craig McLachlan. Hazel Mahoney, the local hospital's first female surgeon, is dead from an apparent suicide. Dr Lucien Blake (McLachlan) suspects foul play. Meanwhile, a letter arrives from Singapore. Could it contain news about his missing wife and daughter?

KILLER ELITE
M/Premiere, 8.30pm (QLD 7.30pm)
Rating: 2/5

I WISH this 2011 action thriller was better than it is because it was partially shot in Australia and features a local cast including Lachy Hulme, Grant Bowler, Ben Mendelsohn and Firass Dirani. Former assassin Danny Bryce (Jason Statham) is forced to go back on the job when his mate Hunter (Robert De Niro) is kidnapped. When the action wanes, viewers will have fun seeing Melbourne's Spring St standing in for Paris.

By Colin Vickery

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Saturday, April 6
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THE HULK
Channel 7, 8.45pm
Rating: 2/5

AS that noted philosopher Kermit the Frog once mused: "It's not easy being green." After The Hulk, Eric Bana knows the Muppet mainstay was only telling half the story. Bana discovers it's not all that easy turning green, either. Directed by Ang Lee, The Hulk aspires to rise above the pulp fiction typical of comic books by pursuing a thought-provoking brand of storytelling, but the jerky, elasticised movements of The Hulk make for an unconvincing integration with the live-action environment. When not on a rampage, the unjolly green giant looks for all the world like a steroid-abusing Shrek.

FANTASTIC MR FOX
Channel 9, 7.30pm
Rating: 3/5

ROALD Dahl's English forest fable has been Americanised, and not just in terms of the accents of its voice cast. The sensibility driving Fantastic Mr Fox is slicker and nervier than the sly whimsy of Dahl's original tale. Mr Fox (voiced by George Clooney) is very much a reluctantly retired chicken thief. Fast-forward two years and Mr Fox can no longer fight the urge to pilfer poultry.

BIUTIFUL
SBS One, 9.30pm
Rating: 4/5

A STAGGERING performance from Javier Bardem as a Barcelona-based grifter, Uxbal. Diagnosed with cancer, this solo father with two children in his care does not have the time to make peace with the world. As a work that sweeps you away with the flow of real and irreversible human emotions, Biutiful cannot be recommended highly enough.

By Leigh Paatsch

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Sunday, April 7
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THE VOICE
Channel 9, 6.30pm
Rating: 4/5

FORGET the Easter Bunny, the real countdown is almost done and The Voice is back. Hurrah! Yes, we love the big red chair brigade, the breathtaking talent, and the spunky new coach (hola, Ricky). But mostly I think I'm grateful the show will get going just so I can get that earworm song they're playing in the promos (Beneath Your Beautiful) outta my head. And get on with downloading a new hipster playlist of blind audition songs. I got a headstart, sneaking into all the pre-recorded blinds, and just sayin' the coaches' performance track will be the next on high rotation.

TOTALLY BIASED WITH W. KAMAU BELL
Comedy channel, 7.30pm (QLD 6.30pm)
Rating: 3/5

NOT to name drop or anything (okay, just a little), this show came at the recommendation of Modern Family star Ty Burrell (Phil Dunphy). W.Kamau Bell's show is part stand-up and a sit-down with various stars, from Don Cheadle to Rachel Maddow. Chris Rock's executive producer, so expect Bell to push some buttons.

GREAT BRITISH BAKE-OFF
LifeStyle Food, 9.30am (QLD 8.30pm)
Rating: 3/5

BEFORE you get a taste for the Aussie version, try the Great British variety. It went off like a rocket, with close to seven million UK viewers tuning in for the series three finale. It's a lot of fuss for cakes and muffins, but this is like the MasterChef CWA challenge on steroids. Channel 9 has high hopes for the local production.

By Holly Byrnes

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Monday, April 8
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MYTHBUSTERS
Discovery HD, 8.30pm (QLD 7.30pm)
Rating: 3/5

TONIGHT Adam and Jamie investigate the myth there was once an episode of Mythbusters where they didn't blow something up and giggle like children. Spoiler alert: It's busted. The explosives are used to determine if, in WWI, the Germans had the right idea about digging trenches with sharp right angles to prevent shockwaves from blasts travelling as far. The first step is to knock-up a scale model using Perspex, baby oil and food dye. As usual, the B-team (Kari, Tory and Grant) get the less-exciting myth - can a clown holding lots of balloons survive a car crash? Is that a real myth or an excuse to smash up some cars?

THE MINDY PROJECT
Channel 7, 10.45pm
Rating: 3/5

FOR a partner in a medical practice, Mindy Lahiri (Mindy Kaling) is surprisingly untogether. And her taste in men seems suspect. Boyfriend Josh, a good-looking attorney, is a jerk, a fact that's obvious long before Mindy stumbles across a voicemail from his other girlfriend. The Mindy Project isn't written as a laugh-a-minute sitcom. It's a character comedy that relies on Kaling's ability to draw you in.

GORDON RAMSAY'S ULTIMATE COOKERY COURSE
Lifestyle Food, 8.30pm (QLD 7.30pm)
Rating: 3/5

WHO is this man? He doesn't swear or shout. He uses his "indoor voice" at all times. Only the battered leather face remains. "This is the only cookery course you'll ever need," he promises grandly. Wrongly, as it happens. Tonight's cheap and cheerful - lamb with fried bread, spicy sausage rice, and three dishes he whips through so fast you'll learn nothing. Maybe that's why he plugs his app at the end.

By Andrew Fenton