Night’s King watches the world burn in new Game of Thrones teaser

YET another Game of Thrones teaser has been released, and yet again, it’s full of juicy moments. Let’s slice and dice the most important ones.

WHADDAYA know, another Game of Thrones teaser has been released.

There’s a depressing vibe to this one, which is probably appropriate for a show that devotes so much screentime to rape, murder, slavery and other assorted horrors.

“Are you afraid? You should be,” Tyrion says as the 30-second spot starts. He could easily be talking to the audience.

“You’re in the great game now. And the great game is terrifying.”

MORE: Game of Thrones’ most hated character, or our last hope?

The great game is especially terrifying if you go into the basement looking for dragons.

The High Sparrow is no more reassuring, though he should get some credit for talking about humanity’s sins at Easter.

“We are sinful creatures. We deserve death. We all do,” he says. Very topical indeed, if a bit Old Testamenty.

Then there’s Jaqen, the serial killer who likes to store people’s faces in his basement.

“One way or another, the gift will be given,” Jaqen says. “One way or another, a face will be added to the hole.”

In other words, someone is going to die.

Arya, a serial killer is grooming you. GET OUT.

But once you get past the gloom, there are a few really interesting moments in this teaser. Let’s slice and dice them, then see what we’ve learned.

1. Some men with perfectly innocent devil horns just want to watch the world burn

The ever-horny Night’s King, otherwise known as the White Walkers’ boss, keeps popping up in these trailers. This time, we see him standing before a wall of fire. Perhaps he’s enjoying the change of scenery after a few centuries stuck in constant snowstorms.

A Screengrab of Ice and Fire.

2. Jaime’s getting back on the horse

Do I mean that figuratively, literally or both? Dunno. The teaser does show Jaime physically sitting on a horse, which I’ll admit isn’t all that interesting. But behind him, you can see a bunch of soldiers marching past, with the Tyrell sigil on their shields.

Are they going to rescue Queen Margaery from the sanctimonious clutches of the High Sparrow, or are they just out for a pleasant afternoon stroll? Again, dunno. I’m not much help here.

Old and spicy.

Old Spice.

3. HBO really wants us to know about this flashback

This next shot should look familiar, because you already saw it in the last trailer. The scene in question is a worse-kept secret than the identity of Jon Snow’s true parents, which is appropriate, because it will probably confirm the identity of Jon Snow’s true parents.

If you look closely, you can see that two of the men are wearing Stark armour, while the badass with two swords is in a vintage Targaryen outfit — the dragon sigil on his breastplate gives it away. So, this scene must be a flashback of some sort, perhaps facilitated by one of Bran’s visions.

It most likely takes place at the Tower of Joy, where old Ned Stark found his sister Lyanna on her deathbed shortly after the Targaryens were overthrown. She made him promise her something. Something scandalous. Read more here.

Party like it’s 283AC.

4. Theon is still f***ed

Here’s a screengrab of Theon, who has been caught by a Bolton soldier with the help of Ramsay’s beloved hounds. Much like the appendage that used to serve as his private parts, he is not in a good place right now. Sadly, neither is Sansa, who appears to be alongside him.

“Hey Sansa, the hounds sniffed us out. We must really Reek. Hahahaha geddit?”

5. Never kidnap a dragon lady

Daenerys is looking frazzled after her awkward family reunion with the Dothraki. But luckily, she has another family, and at least one of her winged, fire-breathing children is apparently coming to rescue her. No offence Jorah and Daario, but you might not be needed here.

“I’m surrounded. By. Idiots.”

“It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s Superm ... Oh wait, wrong thing. We’re watching something good.”

6. Never play Dungeons & Dragons alone

Another reprised performance from the last trailer: Tyrion looking scared out of his mind while wandering through a dark dungeon. Said dungeon is probably the last known location of Daenerys’s two other, very angry dragons.

Don’t worry though. Tyrion survives long enough to enjoy at least one more drink of wine.

“They told me Dungeons & Dragons was a fun game.”

Grey Worm finally got a new outfit.

7. Bran gets touchy feely

Everyone’s favourite cripple gets to walk again — in his dreams. OK, that’s better than nothing. But then he, ahem, runs into the Night’s King, who doesn’t even introduce himself before getting physical. So, in addition to being a cold-blooded mass murderer with the power to reanimate corpses, the White Walkers’ leader is some kind of creepo stalker.

“Oh hai there.”

#WhenHeGrabsYouOutOfTheBlue

Game of Thrones season six starts on Monday, April 25.