James Weir: How Pauline Hanson caught us all off guard

We’ve all rolled our eyes at Pauline Hanson for years. But when we weren’t looking, she blindsided us, writes James Weir.

Not to get all Kerri-Anne Kennerley, but life as we know it seems like it’s about to end after Pauline Hanson blindsided us this week by getting on the front foot and coming out on top.

For years, we’ve refused to take the Queensland Senator seriously — we’ve never even considered it.

“Ha ha ha fish and chips shop ha ha Ipswich ha tick bite,” we’d all roll our eyes with bemused smiles whenever she came out and stuttered anything in that voice that sounds like she’s about to scream-cry.

But in a weird Freaky Friday moment, some kind of witchcraft happened on Thursday morning’s Today show and the tables were turned when Pauline almost made co-host Deb Knight scream-cry. I don’t know who’s the Lindsay Lohan or the Jamie Lee Curtis in this analogy but I guess we’ll let the respective players’ haircuts dictate their roles.

We don’t know why there’s an ornamental cow.

Pauline doesn’t make it easy for herself. While the week ended on a triumphant note that she’ll replay in her head for years, it began in classic Pauline fashion when she labelled former One Nation candidate Fraser Anning — better known as that bald guy who was egged — a “racist” before, in the same breath, accusing him of trying to be “another Pauline Hanson”.

RELATED: Scott Morrison’s ‘C-word’ moment

RELATED: Seat by seat — how your electorate voted

Pauline is a tortured lady and the more she refuses to laugh at herself the more tense she becomes.

But she has had enough. The cracks began to show in recent weeks when she lived out my own personal dream of crying on A Current Affair. She’s tired of being disregarded. And, like a child who lashes out because they don’t have the vocabulary to explain rationally that they hate the gross OshKosk B’Gosh overalls you’ve strapped them into, she bit back. Thankfully, Deb Knight was the mean mum who copped it.

During an interview with the senator on Thursday, the Today host brought up successive opinion polls that show her party’s primary vote has collapsed, almost halving over the course of the campaign.

Brutal, I know.

“In light of all the things you’ve faced, all the scandals, all the things that have been going on, can you really blame people for having their doubts about One Nation and considering Clive (Palmer) over you?” Deb asked.

It’s at this point Pauline would usually stumble and just start spurting out random words while her voice goes even more shrill and shaky. But something was different. Maybe it was the cold country air she was breathing in as she stood on the lawn in front of an ornamental cow for the live cross. Perhaps it was the ragged exhaustion and scrappiness that comes with being in the final days of an election campaign. Either way, something pushed her to get down and dirty.

Pauline’s voice was still shrill and shaky because that’s just her voice, but she went and surprised us all.

“I’ve actually gone up since the last election, unlike your show, Deb, since you’ve actually taken over. You’ve actually gone down in your viewership,” she told Deb, who took over from Karl Stefanovic as co-host this year.

“So, should you hand over your job or should we bring Karl back? Should we bring Karl back? You have a go at me about this all the time.”

Wow. To be dissed by Pauline Hanson on national TV with a timely jab would be humiliating. Obviously the election campaign has gone on too long when Pauline starts scoring points.

Freaky Friday’s Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan.

We were all caught off guard by the insult. It’s not the jab itself that was surprising — it’s that Pauline was on the front foot for the first time in her life. It’s also the first time none of us could poke holes in what she said. The facts and figures speak for themselves. And she was right.

What made it even more stunning was, just one day later, Deb Knight was at it again and told Bill Shorten that people don’t like him.

“(Bob) Hawke was immensely popular — people loved him even if they didn’t like his policies. Why are you still struggling to get voters to like you?” she asked.

It was the perfect opportunity for Bill to give Deb another fact check on Today’s ratings but it seems Bill and Pauline had their own weird Freaky Friday moment.

“Bring back Karl!” he could’ve simply yelled and we all would’ve got what he was alluding to. Instead, he was left bumbling like the old scream-crying Pauline of yore.

Of course, it needs to be said, Pauline isn’t quick enough to come up with a complete sentence let alone a sick burn on the spot. The zing was obviously pre-written but we’re not withholding any points because we know how hard it would’ve been for her to remember the wording as well as trying to figure out when to use it.

You won this time, Pauline.

THE INSTA INFLUENCERS OF NOTRE DAME

Finally, rational thinking prevails and we’ll soon be given a decent reason to visit the Notre Dame.

Architects from around the world have been submitting proposals for what to do with the monument after April’s fire that destroyed the cathedral’s roof and spire and one suggestion is in the lead: turning the roof into an infinity pool.

The idea is so logical it’s almost stunning the medieval people didn’t think of it themselves.

The plans don’t mention anything about a waterslide but they should absolutely consider it if they haven’t already. Add some cabanas and a tiki bar and that old dust pit would finally be the holiday destination it always should’ve been.

Something that attracts more hot people from Instagram and less hunchbacks.

Twitter and Facebook: @hellojamesweir