Lame of Thrones: 27 terrible but kind of hilarious Game of Thrones jokes

GIGGLES are coming. We’ve trawled through the darkest recesses of the internet, and our own minds, to find the 27 lamest Game of Thrones jokes in existence. Possible spoilers.

Well, at least Emilia Clarke thinks the jokes are funny.

BRACE yourself. Giggles are coming. There might be some SPOILERS too, so proceed with caution.

Given the heavy material that’s been hurled at Game of Thrones fans lately (think rape scenes, death scenes, weird undead ice zombie scenes), I reckon it’s time for a touch of levity.

So, ahead of this week’s episode, I’ve trawled through the dark recesses of the internet, and the even darker recesses of my mind, to find the lamest Game of Thrones jokes ever conceived.

MORE: Is Jaime Lannister good or bad?

These horrific attempts at humour will probably make Joffrey’s performance at the wedding feast seem funny. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

“Jokes? What are jokes?” Ah, Loras. You’re so dull.

1. Why were the White Walkers avoiding Bran?

They couldn’t stand the Hodor.

2. If Jaime usurped the Iron Throne, what would be his first act?

Finding a Hand of the King.

3. Why don’t the Greyjoys do any laundry?

They would have to pay the iron price.

“You can wash those clothes if you like, but I’m sure as hell not doing the ironing afterwards.”

4. What does the little Stark boy desperately need?

Some Bran’ new legs.

5. How can you tell when Lord Bolton is cold?

He gets Roose-bumps.

6. When did Brienne realise Jaime was hitting on her?

When he asked: “Are you sure we’re not related?”

7. How much did Jon Snow win on Jeopardy?

Bugger all. He knew nothing.

8. The bakers of King’s Landing took their revenge on Joffrey by retrieving his body, cutting him up and putting him in a sandwich. What was it called?

Joffrey’s inbred.

9. Where did Stannis drink away his sorrows after the Battle of the Blackwater?

Flagonstone.

“I’ve told jokes funnier than that in my sleep. And I’m easily the least funny man in Westeros.”

10. What is Tyrion’s favourite TV show?

Imp My Ride.

11. What did the railing say to reassure the staircase?

“A banister always pays its steps.”

12. Why didn’t Theon cut Ramsay’s throat with that razor blade?

He didn’t have the balls.

“That joke Reeks of insecurity.”

13. What do you call a bunch of outlaws who kill Lannisters, kidnap children and never say please?

The Brotherhood Without Manners.

14. Why do the Greyjoys import all their clothes?

They do not sew.

15. The Starks may not have the Iron Throne, but they do have ...

Iron MAN.

Didn’t get that one? Iron Man’s real name is Tony Stark. HAHAHAHAHA.

16. Why was winter running so late?

Winterfell and it couldn’t get up.

17. What is the Grand Maester’s second job?

He’s a pie seller.

18. Which Game of Thrones character is most like Santa Claus?

Ho Ho Hodor! (Honourable mention: Khal Hoho)

“Merry Hodor.”

19. What do the girls in Littlefinger’s brothel call their favourite customer?

Podthick Payne.

20. What did Jeor and Jorah want to add to their family computer?

More fonts.

21. Some of Daenerys’ troops have started strolling instead of marching. What’s their nickname?

The Unhurried.

And her nickname is the Unamused.

22. What does it say on Jon Snow’s business card?

Jon, Crow.

23. When someone swears allegiance to Daenerys, they are ...

Jumping on the band-dragon.

24. Tywin Lannister has an incompetent cousin. What’s his name?

Tylose Lannister.

“......”

25. How did Walder feel before the Red Wedding?

His nerves were Freyed.

26. What do you call a creepy ex-boyfriend north of the Wall?

A White Stalker.

27. What is Roose Bolton’s favourite dessert?

The dread tort.

“The Lannisters send their cheesecakes.”

Have any lame jokes of your own? Go ahead and share them in the comments section below. Or on Twitter, if you’re into that sort of thing: @SamClench | @newscomauHQ