Guest reviewers: Andrew Fenton, Holly Byrnes, Neala Johnson and Darren Devlyn

FIND out what's worth watching on the small screen this week.

TV guide

FIND out what's worth watching on the small screen this week.

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Tuesday, April 9
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PACKED TO THE RAFTERS
Channel 7, 8.45pm
Rating: 3/5

COBY Jennings (Ryan Corr) is on the run from the cops, having breached his bail conditions. "I reckon he's a thousand miles away by now," someone says. No, he's lurking out on the front lawn. Meanwhile, Ted (Michael Caton), who's worried about Alzheimer's, books in for a tour of the old folk's home. Tonight's funny little subplot involves a therapist specialising in tantric sex encouraging Carbo to be "more like the tortoise than the hare" in the classic fable. But the slower the tortoise goes it seems, the faster he arrives at his destination.

HARD TIME
ABC2, 9.30pm
Rating: 3/5

A FASCINATING look inside Georgia's prisons, where you can either fight for respect, or try and keep your head down. Steven Crane's propensity for violence got him thrown in jail, now it looks like keeping him safe while he's there. The makers draw nice parallels between the harsh training the guards go through, and the way they treat prisoners. But you need some tough training when there's one guard for 250 prisoners.

ARTHUR
M/Comedy, 8.30pm
Rating: 2/5

RUSSELL Brand: very funny chap. And great as comic relief, or as a secondary character who comes on, upstages everyone, and nicks off, like in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. But when he has to carry the movie on his shoulders, well, it's a bit like getting stuck in a lift with him. His charm and motormouth wit wear pretty thin, pretty fast. The original movie with Dudley Moore was no classic, and this version's about half as good.

By Andrew Fenton

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Wednesday, April 10
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THE GOOD WIFE
Channel 10, 9.30pm
Rating: 3/5

"ANYONE else find Will Gardner creepy and unattractive? What is Alicia Florrick thinking?" Yes, Nine's Leila McKinnon, I couldn't agree more. As achingly good as this legal drama is, with the ever-impressive Julianna Margulies (Alicia) at the centre of things, it seems she's been dudded in the love interest department. Nobody's complaining about Big (Chris Noth, the "bad husband"), but Alicia's dalliances with Will just don't cut it for sizzle anymore (if ever). In this episode, they are at a coroner's inquest, where they are hindered by a limit of three questions per witness. If we could only limit their liaisons.

THE FOLLOWING
Channel 9, 8.40pm
Rating: 2/5

WE need to talk about Kevin. Not Kevin Bacon, the Hollywood star of this hyped TV procedural, charged with tracking the followers of a serial killer who orchestrates murders from his prison cell. For all the fanfare about Bacon's small-screen return, it's the show's writer Kevin Williamson who needs to answer for it. For making the FBI look like buffoons and for the excessive violence, mostly against women.

THE ELEGANT GENTLEMAN'S GUIDE TO KNIFE FIGHTING
ABC1, 9pm
Rating: 3/5

LOVE Songs Of Praise? You'll hate this, but for the blasphemers out there, this sketch comedy series, from the team behind A Moody Christmas, is a ripper. Patrick Brammall, who won an AACTA for his hilarious turn as Sean Moody, is back to his best in this, with standout skits including his achingly funny take on a kids' performer, Teddy McGiggles.

By Holly Byrnes

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Thursday, April 11
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MRS BROWN'S BOYS
Channel 7, 8.30pm
Rating: 3/5

INCONGRUOUSLY, this is a double Christmas episode of the double-entendre laden, cross-dressing, Are You Being Served-esque Irish comedy. As always, it's a little bit naughty, but never nasty. Between nativity play shenanigans Mrs Brown's daughter Cathy discovers her mother has been opening her mail, so writes a fake letter revealing the household has been accepted as reality TV subjects, with hidden cameras placed throughout the house. Mrs Brown (Brendan O'Carroll) undergoes a transformation, her effing and blinding stops and she begins being nice to her children.

IT'S A BRAD, BRAD WORLD
Arena, 9.30pm
Rating: 3/5

THIS week in the high-stakes world of celebrity styling, Brad Goreski is moving house and moving 2 Broke Girls starlet Beth Behrs onto the Best-Dressed List (he hopes). Will Beth - who Brad says is "super-duper F-U-N" - go with the plunging Armani, the corseted Armani or the frock with "illusion panels" (whatever they are). Whatever she chooses, it better be a red-carpet hit.

FOOD SAFARI
SBS, 7.30pm
Rating: 3/5

MAEVE O'Meara heads to metaphorical Denmark, by picking the brains of local Danes, from Bente Grysbaek, head chef at Melbourne's Danish Club - who reveals the secret is Danish butter ("You know there's the right amount of butter when you can see your teeth marks," she says) to baker Michael Klausen from Sydney's Brasserie Bread who takes O'Meara through the seven-day process of making rye bread.

By Neala Johnson

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Friday, April 12
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SILENT WITNESS
ABC1, 8.30pm
Rating: 4/5

WE open with a montage that sets up the backstory of a murdered factory owner so quickly it could be mistaken for a recap of a previous episode. You won't think that though, because it's intercut with a cage-fighting match. This seems a puzzling metaphor for the business world, until you realise it's just a way of introducing Emilia Fox's new onscreen partner, Jack (David Caves), who replaces former "on again/off again" guy Harry (Tom Ward). Featuring nasty unionists, illegitimate children and shadowy escorts, the mystery unfurls like a flower as more and more information is revealed.

WHO'S BEEN SLEEPING IN MY HOUSE?
ABC1, 8pm
Rating: 3/5

NOT since Indiana Jones has on-screen archaeology seemed less like the painstaking and time-consuming process that it really is, than in Adam Ford's series. He rocks up to a lovely colonial home in bushranger country to dig through its history. Literally. He has earthmoving equipment and everything. Was a famous murderer incarcerated in the cells under this former jail? Maybe.

IRON SKY
M Premiere, 8.30pm
Rating: 3/5

IT sounded so promising: a movie with a concept so high, it's located in space. It's neatly summed up by the tag line on the poster: "In 1945, the Nazis went to the moon. In 2018, they are coming back." But the resulting movie is neither as funny nor as cruel as its terrific premise suggests. It's worth watching just for the special effects, which are amazing for the budget, a tribute to the power of crowd-sourcing on the web.

By Andrew Fenton

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Saturday, April 13
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IN VOGUE
showcase, 8.30pm
Rating: 3/5

THERE sure are some scary-looking women in this documentary about the renowned fashion title. It leaves you wondering how far a cosmetic surgeon can stretch skin before it just gives out. This is a good doco, though. Leading the commentary is Anna Wintour, who generally doesn't like retrospectives. But she decided it was time to celebrate the magazine's "secret weapon" - the fashion editors responsible for photographic and style concepts. Nicole Kidman says the photography allows you to "live in a different realm for a short period of time - how beautiful is that".

VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
SBS One, 9.30pm
Rating: 4/5

A LIVELY comedy of manners, morals and mischief from Woody Allen. Scarlett Johansson and Rebecca Halls are two US tourists who fall under the spell of a seductive artist (No Country for Old Men's Javier Bardem) during summer holidays in Barcelona. This is Allen's most laid-back movie in memory, but the relaxed, carefree vibe does not blunt the edge of the humour. LP

SHAUN MICALLEF'S MAD AS HELL
ABC1, 10pm
Rating: 4/5

IT'S no surprise so many risk-averse people work in TV. Sure, the rewards are great when you make a bold concept successful, but there's nothing like the backlash when you take a risk but fall flat on your bum. The great thing about Shaun Micallef is that he's a risk-taker. Mad As Hell is an edgy round-up of news stories and there is nobody better at that type of TV than Micallef.

By Darren Devlyn

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Sunday, April 14
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MRS BIGGS
Channel 7, 9.30pm
Rating: 3/5

DOWNTON Abbey a bit too old-school? Fast forward to Britain in the 1960s, where a caddish geezer named Ronnie (Daniel Mays) meets nice girl Charmian (Sheridan Smith). "She's a bit of class," he tells his mates, "I'm goin' up in the world." But it's Charmian who's goin' down - Ronnie is Ronald Arthur Biggs, future infamous criminal and part of the Great Train Robbery. First in a five-part series, this episode moves at pace and with great attention to period detail, wrenching Charmian away from her righteous father and into Ronnie's crooked world. At episode's end, that "job" is about to go down. All aboard. - NJ

VEEP
Showcase, 9.40pm
Rating: 3/5

THE mid-term elections are going badly for everyone except the Vice-President (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), who's given every candidate she campaigned for a boost. It's time to transform her largely ceremonial role into some real shared power with the POTUS. Unfortunately, the president's adviser is getting between them "like a thick rubber condom" when she needs "unprotected access". Well-observed stuff. - AF

DOWNTON ABBEY
Channel 7, 8.30pm
Rating: 3/5

A STRENGTH of Downton is its balanced storytelling. Creator Julian Fellowes does not focus on life upstairs at the expense of goings on downstairs. Tonight, the family visits Rose and her parents in the Highlands, which doesn't go smoothly. Problem is, the family's hosts at Duneagle Castle don't like each other. Meanwhile, Carson is adamant the servants will not cut loose while the family's away. - DD

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Monday, April 15
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REVENGE,
Channel 7, 8.45pm
Rating: 4/5

"EVERY human is born out of collusion," says Emily Thorne, the plotting temptress, who opens this episode with this pithy plot point. Way to take the romance out of life, David E Kelley. Emily is snogging her secret ninja bloke on the side, while courting her ex-fiance Daniel to get back at his equally manipulative mother, Victoria. Thing is Daniel is on to her game-playing and takes her on a surprise lunch date to Los Angeles where he uses her to help win his first business deal as CEO. His sister Charlotte is celebrating her 18th birthday and she uses the occasion to make a shock announcement.

THE BIGGEST LOSER
Channel 10, 7.30pm
Rating: 3/5

IT'S the emotional moment after an elimination, leaving six family teams to battle on for the Biggest Loser title. Cracks are starting to appear between the pairings. To set a good example during their training session, Olympian Jessica Fox and her Atlanta bronze-winning mum Miriam show how to keep all that focus and determination in the family. Young Todd, such a sweet kid, is particularly inspired.

MOVIE STARS
bio, 8pm
Rating: 3/5

MEMO Charlie Sheen: you might want to IQ this episode of the Hollywood doco series, featuring Robert Downey Jr. You too can go from rehab, studio exile, marriage breakdowns and health emergencies to turn your life around like this Sherlock star. Downey has one of the great redemption stories out of Tinseltown. A big factor in his favour was the love of a good woman.

By Holly Byrnes