DVD reviews: Making a scene on your small screen
HERE'S a heads up on what's being released each week on DVD, so you can chart your way through Time Suckage Land.
LET'S face it: There's only so much time you can spend sitting down watching stuff before your eyes start to roll off your face and you melt into a metaphoric puddle of plasma.
Lucky for you, I'm here to give you a heads up on what's being released each week on DVD, so you can chart your way through the perilous land known as Time Suckage and come out the other end feeling entertained and informed.
I'm Banksy. You may know me from such roles as breaking news editor at news.com.au, or curator on news.com.au's Facebook page. Stick around and you'll have all the tools you need for your next great night in.
Let's kick off this inaugural column with a spot poll: What is one TV show of which you own all the series? Why is it so good? Tell us in the comment box at the bottom of this page.
Okay, on with the show.
Retro TV series of the week: Bergerac
What's all this then? Detective Sergeant Jim Bergerac of Jersey's Bureau des Étrangers is popular for many reasons. Driving a vintage red Triumph Roadster sports car, this flawed cop tackles ingenious plots and colourful characters patrolling the harbour cafes, cliff-top mansions and secluded coves on the trail of the villains, murderers, spies and smugglers of the holiday island and tax haven.
What's it like? Midsomer Murders: the prequel. It's like you've stepped back in time (strains of Life On Mars) to an era of boozy British detectives you knew so well: The Sweeney, The Professionals, Minder - that ilk (although, in fairness, Bergerac is a recovering alcoholic). This show's set in Jersey - a not-particularly gritty member of the Channel Islands that has way too many crimes for its own good. Sound familiar, Midsomer fans?
Why should I own it? It will be a collector's item one day and your mum will love you forever if you bought it for her for Chrissy. The DVD commentary on the first episode is charming, plus you get to see Nettles back when he was a spunk.
Watch with: Mum. Or mam's nan's gran.
Banksy's rating: 2.5/5
Release date: Complete First Series out now on DVD (Madman)
Still Going Strong of the week: House M.D.
What's all this then? This is the seventh season of House M.D.. House and Cuddy have a crack at a real relationship and face the question as to whether their new relationship will affect their ability to diagnose patients. I'm just glad I'm not on the operating table. Jennifer Morrison's name has been removed from the credits, while Peter Jacobson's and Olivia Wilde's have been added to it.
What's it like? It's a bit like all the other series you liked so much, only the characters are a bit older and more developed. Plus House and Cuddy get in the sack. Don't watch if you prefer your Hugh Laurie with an English accent or this will grate on you.
Why should I own it? You bought the other six series, right? You have to buy this one with the new title sequence. Plus, the series acts as an almanac of freaky diseases and illnesses that you can keep going back to when you're feeling a bit off.
Watch with: The laptop or mobile phone off so you can't Google some of the conditions you will think you have while watching. Then put on Hugh's new CD over a glass of wine and a stir fry (and Laurie).
Banksy's rating: 3/5
Release date: Series 7 available from August 24 on DVD (Paramount)
Mindf*** of the week: The Event
What's all this then? Without giving too much away ... The Event centres on a group of extraterrestrials, some of whom have been detained by the US Government for 66 years since their ship crashed in Alaska. Others have secretly assimilated among the general populace.
What's it like? A bit like Lost (which is what you might be in the first episode) without the island setting and X-Files. Give it time. Oh, and they use the 24 font on the credits so Bauer fans will get all teary.
Why should I own it? This series jumps all over the place, so it's handy to pause, rewind and soak up all the plot twists and turns at your speed, rather than in the time the rental shops allow you. It's got that bloke from Gilmore Girls in it; the barman, wotsisname? You know ...
Watch with: Total concentration. Your memory will be tested throughout as you are dragged backwards and forwards in time. I wrote this 23 minutes earlier, so I hope it's not confusing.
Banksy's rating: 2.5/5
Release date: Series 1 available from August 24 on DVD (Paramount)
The Film Which Looks Like Other Films But Is Different of the week: Reign of Assassins
What's all this then? In Ancient China, "Drizzle" is the most deadly and ruthless assassin of the Dark Stone gang. After a life of theft and murder, she seeks to atone for her ways and leave the gang forever. Undergoing a drastic procedure to alter her appearance, she changes her name to Jing (Michelle Yeoh) and starts a new life in the capital.
What's it like? It's billed as Mr & Mrs Smith meets Face/Off (because it's a kung-fu flick directed by John Woo). But, let's just say there's lots of fighting and swordplay and subtitling. It's not for the kiddies due to the gore and high-falutin' folklore.
Why should I own it? You bought Mr & Mrs Smith, didn't you? Well this is like that, only not that, with ninjas. You liked Crouching Tiger, yes? Good. Well, this is like that, only not that, but with the same actress (Yeoh).
Watch with: A mug of tea while wearing your cosplay ninja suit.
Banksy's rating: 2.5/5
Release date: Out now on DVD (Madman)
Must Put In My Diary To Watch/Record of the week: The Borgias
What's all this then? Based on the Borgia family, an Italian dynasty of Spanish origin, and stars Jeremy Irons as Pope Alexander VI. The series follows the rise of the Borgia family to the pinnacle of the church and their struggles to maintain their grip on power.
What's it like? It's like a Papal Sopranos. Game of Thrones meets the Vatican. I could go on. And I will. It's The Tudors meets Rome. Survivor meets Monty Python's Spanish Inquisition sketch (only slightly less funny).
Why should I watch it? It's deathy and racy (if you like that sort of thing). It looks expensive and has some attractive protagonists, notwithstanding the lead Jeremy Irons who sounds a lot like Scar from the Lion King if you close your eyes. It's uncanny.
Watch with: Your Snuggie on. Go the red Snuggie if you have one and you'll look the part.
Banksy's rating: 4/5
Release date: Series starts on Monday, August 29 at 8.30pm AEST (W on Foxtel)
It Has To Be Good With A Cast Like That of the week: The Company Men
What's all this then? The Company Men brings together a group of this generation’s greatest actors - all of whom are Academy Award® winners. Bobby Walker (Ben Affleck, The Town, Good Will Hunting) is living the American dream: he has a great job, a big house, a beautiful family and a shiny Porsche in the garage. But when the effects of the Global Financial Crisis leave him a victim of corporate downsizing, Bobby finds himself not waving but drowning.
As horror films go (no, it's not a horror film), this is pretty scary considering the shaky financial state the world finds itself in at the moment. One cannot help but feel spine chillage when the main character loses his job as the corporate crunch takes hold.
What's it like? A bit like Up In The Air only without the George Clooney factor. Apart from Ben, you've got Chris Cooper, Kevin Costner and Tommy Lee Jones, with Maria Bello and Craig T Nelson (Coach) in support.
Why should I own it? This could happen to you, so you're gonna need a game plan. Plus, if you're a fan of any of the lead characters, you'll want this. Do you reckon Kevin Costner or Tommy Lee Jones has maxed?
Watch with: Your payslip.
Banksy's rating: 3.5/5
Release date: Out now on DVD (Madman)
So Hot Right Now
Game of Thrones, Sons of Anarchy (ONE), Australia's Next Top Model (FOX8), True Blood, Spirited (W), Offspring, Weeds (GO!), Misfits (ABC).
On The Radar
Underbelly: Razor (Nine), Dexter, Breaking Bad, Eureka.
If you have any shows you'd like me to feature, drop me a line and I'll see if I can accommodate you. Cheers and see you next week, Banksy.
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