Cleganebowl: The ultimate Game of Thrones theory could actually come true

EVERYONE shut up about Jon Snow for a minute. We have another Game of Thrones theory to discuss, and it’s far more exciting.

EVERYONE shut up about Jon Snow for a minute.

Yes, Game of Thrones’ sixth season starts today, and yes, that means all our theories about the fate of Westeros’s greatest emo are about to be tested. But first we have another, even more tantalising theory to discuss. It offers us what that ubiquitous, ridiculously overhyped Batman vs. Superman trailer endlessly promised but failed to deliver: “The greatest gladiator match in the history of the world”.

In the red corner is The Hound, Sandor Clegane. A ruthless warrior and renowned chicken enthusiast, he once served as the personal bodyguard of King Joffrey. Naturally, that involved a lot of fighting, killing and evildoing. When we last saw Sandor, he appeared to be bleeding to death.

In the blue corner is The Mountain, Gregor Clegane. Gigantic and mindlessly savage, Gregor served as the Lannisters’ enforcer before Oberyn Martell cut him down in a trial by combat. Of course, before he died, Gregor crushed Oberyn’s skull with his bare hands, because that’s the sort of thing he liked to do to people.

As you may have guessed from their shared surname, Sandor and Gregor are brothers. They also hate each other’s guts. And once you get past the fact that both appear to be dead, the prospect of these two killing machines duelling each other is very, very exciting.

This is how it could happen.

Sandor’s brother, the Incredible Hulk.

Step 1: Make sure they’re both not quite dead

Sandor was broken, bleeding and apparently done for after his fight with Brienne of Tarth at the end of season four. He begged Arya to give him a quick death. Instead, she walked away and left him to suffer. So, we never actually saw The Hound die.

That’s not all. Many book readers believe a mysterious gravedigger Brienne encounters in A Feast For Crows, at a place called the Quiet Isle, is actually Sandor in disguise. Let’s run through the evidence:

• The gravedigger is described as “bigger than Brienne”. Sandor is one of the few characters mentioned in the books who towers over her;

• The mysterious figure has “the awkward lurching gait of one half-crippled”. That matches up with Sandor’s injuries;

• Sandor’s horse, Stranger, is at the Quiet Isle. We’ve previously been told that Stranger is extremely aggressive, and only Sandor himself can control him;

• The gravedigger stops working and bends down to pet a dog. Sandor’s nickname is The Hound, and his house sigil is three dogs. A hint from George R.R. Martin, perhaps?

The Quiet Isle is inhabited by the Brothers of the Faith — monks, essentially, not unlike the High Sparrow in King’s Landing. Their leader claims he found “The Hound” mortally wounded and treated him until his death.

He could be speaking metaphorically. Perhaps The Hound — Sandor’s violent, ruthless side — is dead, and the rest of him is working for the Faith to atone for his sins. Believe, people.

Gregor’s fate is a little more obvious. After perishing in the trial by combat, he ended up on a table in Qyburn’s laboratory. The disgraced Maester, who’s known for his strange experiments, was doing ... something ... with the body.

Later, when Cersei returned to the Red Keep after her walk of shame, Qyburn greeted her with a hulking knight roughly the same size as Gregor. In the books, this knight is called Ser Robert Strong. He never removes his helmet, doesn’t require food or drink and never speaks. If that doesn’t scream “Zombie Gregor”, you have rocks in your head.

Step 2: Set up a trial by combat

Cersei confessed to one sin at the end of season five: sleeping with her cousin, Lancel. But she is still facing more charges from the High Sparrow, including incest (with Jaime) and the murder of her husband, King Robert.

The evidence against her is pretty hard to counter, so instead of going to court, Cersei could opt for a trial by combat. Who better to choose as her champion than the giant undead killing machine now at her side?

In this scenario, the Faith would need to choose a champion of its own to fight Zombie Gregor. And whaddya know, one of Westeros’s most fearsome warriors just so happens to be toiling away among the monks at the Quiet Isle. At least, we think he is.

So, if Cersei nominates Zombie Gregor as her champion, and the Faith nominates Sandor as its champion, Cleganebowl will become a glorious reality. And that brings us to ...

Step 3: Get the popcorn

Maybe the next trial by combat will go better.