Aussie comedians recall their first ever stand-up performances

SOME of Australia’s top stand-up comedians have revealed what happened when they stepped on stage to crack jokes for the very first time.

Tom Gleeson’s new show is called Cheer Up.

WHETHER they were a raging success or they died a slow, miserable death, one thing’s for sure: Comedians never forget their first ever gigs.

With the country’s funniest stand-ups currently performing at the Sydney Comedy Festival (go to comedy.com.au for show details), news.com.au asked some comedians to cast their minds back to the first time they stepped onto a stage. Here’s what they had to say:

TOM GLEESON

My first gig was at Sydney University in 1996 and it was a competition. You had to do five minutes of stand-up and it was hosted by Adam Spencer. I was up against some of the lads from The Chaser and I got to watch Chas [Licciardello] die in a hole and I saw Andrew [Hansen] die too. Craig [Reucassel] was pretty good actually, but the other two were terrible.

I was in my second degree at the time and I was 20 years old and everyone else was 18. It doesn’t sound like much now, but when you’re at uni that’s a huge age gap. So my whole routine was about the fact that I was paranoid of becoming a mature age student. I was starting to notice that I was turning up on time, I was asking questions and I was correcting the lecturers and I was handing in my assignments and getting good marks and I was ashamed.

I ending up winning the competition and the $500 that came with it, so it gave me a false sense of confidence which lasted a couple of years.

Tom will perform Cheer Up on Saturday May 6 and Friday May 19 at the Enmore Theatre.

Tom Gleeson back in the early days.

ANNE EDMONDS

At my first ever gig I was dressed as an old man (for some reason) and had prepared a 10 minute set (monologue) which I turned up to perform at a stand up open mic in a pub in Brunswick. You could have heard a pin drop. There were no laughs. All I could see was confusion on the faces of the audience. I knew they were thinking, ‘why are you dressed as an old man?’ And I wish I knew. I was asking myself the same thing as I suddenly created ‘a character motivation’ to bolt off the stage and straight out the door of the venue. The rain masked the tears of a young girl dressed as an old man running through the streets of Brunswick swearing she would never perform again. But I was back the next week, dressed as myself.

Anne will perform No Offence, None Taken on Friday May 12 and Saturday May 13 at Giant Dwarf.

The hilarious Anne Edmonds.

LUKE MCGREGOR

My first gig ever was for RAW comedy at the University of Tasmania’s bar back in 2007 (RAW comedy is kind of like an Australian Idol for comedians). My friend signed up for one of the heats in Tassie and I went along to support him. Someone ended up not showing up so there was a spot free. I was feeling confident (tipsy) and I asked if I could take their place. They said yes, then I realised too late that I didn’t have any jokes ...

I got up on stage, talked for about two minutes about how funny I was going to be, then when the crowd were genuinely excited — I started bombing trying to improvise jokes on the spot. I think one of them had something to do with going to the toilet and blowing your nose? If anyone reading this was there that day I’m genuinely sorry.

Luke will perform Almost Fixed It at the State Theatre on Saturday May 6.

Luke McGregor is only performing one show in Sydney.

TOM BALLARD

Technically my first ever stand up performance was at musical theatre camp (because I am very cool). On the Saturday there was a talent night and I had just seen Billy Crystal’s Mr Saturday Night and thought I’d do my best impression of a 1950s Jewish American late-night host doing blue jokes. I had a fake cigar and everything. I believe one of my jokes implied that a woman named Bernie (the President of the musical theatre group) was very proficient at oral sex. It did not go over well.

Tom will perform Problematic from Thursday May 4 through to Sunday May 7 at Giant Dwarf.

Tom Ballard doing what he does best.

SUSIE YOUSSEF

My first proper stand up gig was at the Manly Boatshed. I think I did a bit about how alcohol effects testosterone levels in men and women but I have no actual memory of the gig because I blacked out completely when I picked up the mic. My mates in the crowd said it went well and “no one booed”. I vomited immediately after the gig. The producer booked me for another spot a few weeks later. I think that classifies as a raving success?

Susie will perform Behave Youssef from Wednesday May 10 through to Sunday May 14 at The Factory Theatre.

Susie Youssef recently starred in the Australian version of Whose Line Is It Anyway?

DILRUK JAYASINHA

My first gig was 21st September in 2010. I remember it very clearly. It was at the new comedians’ night at the Comic’s Lounge in North Melbourne. I was so nervous my hands were shaking.

I had spent all week preparing. I typed up everything I wanted to say and I even included stage directions like, ‘make sure you smile at this point.’ I had a whole plan and practised and practised and when the moment came, I walked on stage and I BOMBED!

It was spectacular. My throat dried up. I couldn’t stop sweating. It’s a good thing I had included specific places to smile – otherwise it would’ve been just sad.

But even though the gig didn’t go well, it was the first time I enjoyed the process of something. All the things that lead up to the main part, the gig, were so interesting to me, that I decided to keep at it in the hope that one day that main part would become fun too.

Dilruk will perform The Art Of The Dil on Saturday May 20 at the Giant Dwarf Theatre.

Dilruk Jayasinha is now killing it on stage.

BRIDIE CONNELL

My first ever gig in Australia was an improv gig, not stand up, and it happened quite by accident. I was heading out to Manning Bar at Sydney University to see a big comedy night with my brother, and we’d pre-gamed by eating our body weights in Nando’s.

As soon as we arrived, the host of the show (one Steen Raskopoulos, no big deal) ran up to me and told me that one of the cast members hadn’t turned up and asked if I could step in? I’d been taking improv classes at uni and was pretty shy — I certainly didn’t feel ready to perform in front of hundreds of people. However, it turns out that having a food coma plus no time to think are actually great ingredients for performing — there was no time to be nervous, and I had a really fun show.

I definitely caught the bug after that. Comedy was my thing! I loved this! I wanted to play to hundreds of people all the time! With my new-found confidence that I was destined to be a headline act in no time at all, I signed up to do the fringe festival and was assigned a venue that was normally used as a cupboard. I performed my hard-hitting material about ABBA to only a handful of punters, one of whom was my mum, and one who was a massively offended ABBA fan.

The highs and lows, hey?

Bridie will perform as part of improv duo MotherFather from Thursday May 4 through to Sunday May 7 and her solo show Player from Thursday May 11 through to Sunday May 14.

Susie Youssef and Bridie O'Connell. Picture: Julie Kiriacoudis