Cricketer Brett Lee’s foray into acting sees him bowled out for a duck in movie unIndian

FORMER cricketer Brett Lee is the leading man in a new Bollywood flick, and the verdict is in. Let’s just say he gets bowled for a duck.

UNINDIAN (M)

Director: Anupam Sharma (feature debut)

Starring: Brett Lee, Tannishtha Chatterjee, Maya Sathi, Sarah Roberts, Nicholas Brown.

Rating: 0.5/5

Can you face the ultimate unplayable delivery from Brett Lee?

“Alright. Educate me. How do I pick up an Indian chick?”

“Yeah! A hottie with a dot!”

With dire exchanges such as this — and much, much worse — the consummately dreadful rom-com unIndian never really stood a chance of winning any beating hearts or rational minds.

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However, to make a dead certainty of it, this Bollywood-goes-Bogan car-crash ploughed ahead and cast former Australian cricket star Brett Lee as its leading man.

It should come as no surprise that acting is no friend of the hyper-affable express bowler. In fact, the pair remain barely on speaking terms throughout unIndian.

Sure, the likelihood of Lee delivering a passable performance was always somewhere between Michael Clarke finding a cure for the common cold, and David Warner winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

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Bowled: Brett Lee commits acting crimes, alongside co-stars Tannishtha Chatterjee, in unIndian.

Nevertheless, the film goes well and truly out of its way to keep its novice star out of any and all comfort zones.

Lee plays Will, a respected lecturer in the time-honoured discipline of ‘Aussie English’ at a leading Sydney university.

Students from all over the globe just can’t get enough of Will’s lessons in the local lingo. Stick with him long enough, and you’ll be randomly exclaiming ‘Mate!’, ‘Bloody ripper!’ and ‘I’ve gotta take a slash!’ with the best of them.

(Though Will does counsel against indiscriminate use of the word ‘sheila’: “It’s not politically correct. So you gotta use it in the right context!”)

Lee (as Will) performs like a malfunctioning microwave oven. Picture: Supplied

As unIndian is a Bollywood flick, you will invariably find yourself thinking “Alright. Educate me. How does Will pick up a subcontinental sheila?”

The answer arrives in the attractive form of Meera (Tannishtha Chatterjee), a happening single mum who’s had it up to here with her interfering parents.

How can she possibly resist reeling in a prize catch like Will, even if he does mention he is not wearing any underwear a little too often?

Though Chatterjee sometimes fails to mask her complete disinterest in her lightweight love interest, it is Lee who consistently gains all attention (and pains all senses) with his unique stylings.

Lee’s performance is like that of a malfunctioning microwave oven: while he can start and stop on cue, it would be unwise to consume what he is cooking.

All at sea: Brett Lee and Tannishtha Chatterjee in Bollywood film unIndian. Picture: Supplied