'Wardrobe malfunctions' banned from Grammy Awards in Los Angeles
GRAMMY stars have been warned to cover up and avoid showing breast, buttock or too much bare flesh at the music awards.
SO, what happens when Grammy guests turn up with an offending breast, buttock or wobbly bit on show at the awards in LA tonight?
Will the real fashion police step in, trench up and Hollywood tape any sartorial offenders, or whisk them off with the style squad to a haute-couture holding cell?
Reading what is one of the more curious pre-show leaked memos in a long time, it’s hilarious the Grammy broadcaster, CBS, has issued a fashion warning. Or a "Wardrobe Advisory" as CBS Standard and Practice are calling it.
Cover up or... Well, what exactly can they do? Tell them to go home and pop on a twinset and pearls?
Here is the much-maligned internal memo, first exposed on Deadline Hollywood, sent out to TV-appearing Grammy-goers.
"Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure. Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera. Finally, The Network requests that any organized cause visibly spelled out on talent’s wardrobe be avoided. This would include lapel pins or any other form of accessory."
These odd words give us yet another example of political correctness gone totally kooky. Does this mean that even one of the many coloured ribbon for causes like breast cancer, domestic violence and AIDs are banned too?
The Annual Grammy Awards, now in their 55th year, is one night we want risqué fashion mites and frights. Think Nikki Minaj dressed as the pope (or was it a bishop?), Pink performing in a flesh-coloured bodysuit, J-Lo in that iconic Versace low neckline dress and you get the picture.
We pop culture enthusiasts and style observers need SOME questionable attire to talk about, otherwise our commentary will become as beige, bland and boring as what CBS are hoping Grammy guests will look like, come Sunday night.
Doesn’t the network realise that the more you tell a high profile celebrity what to do, like brazen young kids, the more likely they will just go and do something else.
Particularly when we are talking music industry names whose job it is to raise (or lower) the, err, style bar, each year.
Especially at the Grammys - the one night their mugs are beamed to billions around the world, only too aware of how many extra tickets or iTunes downloads they could possibly sell if he or she is the one most talked about, (or most obscurely attired, at least).
While some comments on online forums have been equating the moral decay of our entire civilisation to what these performers wear to the Grammys (yup, some are) personally I am more concerned about my kid seeing horrendously violent news stories as opposed to a flash of firm flesh from some singer he happens to like.
Imagine the brouhaha if the Oscar-bound crew received the same kind of clothing memo from the Academy. It's just too mad.
And of course, now there’s been so much fuss over what NOT to wear, want to bet the chief Grammys fashionistas will go out of their way to flash as much flesh as possible?
As likely as a questionable boxing match result, I think so.