Meghan Markle has given birth — but not everything adds up

More than eight hours after Meghan gave birth, the palace sent out a press release implying she was still pregnant. So what gives?

Sometime in the next 24 hours, the Queen will put on her favourite lipstick, get into her Bentley, have a nice cashmere throw tucked around her knees and be driven the 3km from Windsor Castle to Frogmore Cottage to meet her family’s newest arrival — the unnamed Baby Sussex.

Not many can say they were visited by the reigning head of state of the Commonwealth (and Defender of the Faith, Commander of the Armed Forces and owner of all the mute swans) within hours of arriving on this mortal plane.

Neither can many say their arrival in the world was met by furrowed brows and a lot of journalists around the world trying to count on their fingers as they attempt to decipher the confusing and befuddling aspects of one’s birth.

Get out your magnifying glasses because it’s time to investigate.

THE TWO PRESS RELEASES

Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex, is believed to have been moved from Windsor to London’s Portland Street Hospital in the early evening on Sunday, UK time. On Monday afternoon, a release was put out by Buckingham Palace at 1.49pm saying that Meghan had gone into labour. Then, about 50 minutes later, the Sussex Instagram account announced the baby had been born.

What makes this all very strange is that the baby had actually been alive for more than eight hours when the “in labour” release went out. The baby actually arrived at 5.26am.

So, why the subterfuge?

Harry and Meghan’s PR team announced the birth on Instagram some 50 minutes after the confusing palace press release. Picture: Tolga Akmen/AFP

For each of Kate’s three births, an announcement went out when she was in labour and then again when the bambino appeared. So, one theory is that this time around, there were slightly crossed wires between Buckingham Palace and Team Sussex.

That is, the Palace, by putting out that first press release, was just following standard operating procedure. Then, the Sussex media team decided they needed to announce the actual birth because, well, the baby had been alive and kicking for hours.

For the moment, we might have to chalk this one up to being an enduring Windsor mystery, right up there with where Prince Anne buys her industrial-strength hairspray.

THE INTRIGUING CHRONOLOGY

Get out the whiteboard, we need to draw a timeline. By the internet’s very rough estimates (emphasis on “rough”) it would seem that Meghan was in labour for about four or five hours.

Now, while some poor women are stuck in labour for three days like some sort of hellish vaginal Tough Mudder, others seem to regularly give birth in grotty hospital forecourts because things have happened with such haste.

As anyone who has ever gestated a whole other human can tell you, Meghan’s labour was curiously fast, especially given her age and the fact the bub was about a week overdue.

THE IMPROMPTU HORSEY PRESS CONFERENCE

Let’s all agree: The real stars of the last 24 hours have been Sir John and George, the two horses in the Windsor stable who provided the equine backdrop for Harry’s unexpected press call.

Harry with his two equine co-stars in the background. Picture: Steve Parsons/AFP

According to Hello, reporters were forced to make a “quick dash to Windsor Castle’s royal mews” where Hazza apologised to the waiting media for the short notice they had been given.

All this suggests that the decision to speak directly to the media, rather than from the safety of Instagram, was very much last minute.

Why the significant change of heart? We might just have to chalk this one up to the wild hormonal and loved up high Harry is currently on.

GOING PUBLIC AND FAST

None of what has transpired meshes with what Harry and Meghan had suggested would happen when their tiny mewling newborn made its grand entrance.

Remember when they put out that statement last month which said, “The Duke and Duchess look forward to sharing the exciting news with everyone once they have had an opportunity to celebrate privately as a new family”?

How much celebrating can two sleep-deprived adults enjoy in only a matter of hours?

Similarly, Harry promised the media today that he would be fronting the cameras again in the coming days to reveal the bub’s name and so that “everyone can see the baby” … which sounds A LOT like the new family will be posing en masse very soon in a scene that promises to be very similar to the Lindo Wing palaver they initially said they refused to take part in.

Harry and Meghan promised they wouldn’t pose for pictures outside the hospital like William and Kate did. Picture: Isabel Infantes/AFP

That said, even royals have the right to change their minds, especially when they meet their perfect baby for the first time.

WHY NO DOCTORS’ SIGNATURES?

For George, Charlotte and Louis’ births, the trusty Palace birthing easel featured not only a tersely worded statement confirming their arrival but the signatures of the doctors who were present.

The famous birth easel announcement was rather scant on details. Picture: Yui Mok/AFP

However, the one that is currently being snapped by thousands of royal fans only contains three sentences which tell us absolutely nothing we didn’t already know.

While some conspiracists who dwell in the dark and slimy corners of the web think this lends weight to all the theory that Meghan wasn’t actually pregnant, I think it is far more likely that this approach simply reflects the Sussexes’ commitment to keeping the birth as private as possible.

Daniela Elser is a royal expert and freelance writer. Continue the conversation @DanielaElser