Cousins who curtsy: Why Meghan’s baby will have to bow to George

The newest member of the royal family will be forced to learn where they fit in the royal pecking order very, very early on in life.

It is hard enough to get children to eat vegetables, sleep through the night and not use your favourite $2000 Philip Treacy hat as a frisbee for the labradors.

So let’s all spare a thought for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

No, not because it is tricky to teach crow pose to a fractious three-year-old, but because their child will be forced to learn where they fit in the royal pecking order very, very early. I don’t mean that as in, why Princess Anne always gets the breast when Prince Philip is carving the pheasant, but where they will slot into the regimented line of succession.

The Royal Highnesses’ 2018 Christmas card. Picture: Matt Porteous/Kensington Palace/AFP

Currently, Prince George, is the third in line to the throne and will technically get to spend a portion of his adult life opening sessions of parliament and going on official visits to Tuvalu when he gets sick of the English weather because he will be King.

No matter how much his parents, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, are trying to raise him as a normal child (you know with his $34,000-a-year nursery school, private tennis lessons, strong shorts game and regular showstopping appearances on the Buckingham Palace balcony), he will always be the most senior royal among his siblings and cousins.

That, in turn, comes with lots of complications.

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex attend an event at Canada House in London.

SO WHERE DOES ALL THE BOWING COME IN?

Because Harry and Meghan’s baby will have to either bow or curtsy to cousin George in formal settings.

The rules of deference are really complicated. For example, if Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge come across Princess Beatrice or Princess Eugenie when she is wandering through the halls of Buckingham Palace looking for quiet spot to update her Catherine Walker Tumblr, she has to curtsy to her cousins-in-law. However, should she bump into the fascinator-loving royals, with Wills in tow, they in turn have to curtsy to Kate.

Got it?

Yeah, I only understand kinda too.

HOW IS THE BABY RELATED TO THE QUEEN?

Remember that ADORABLE (sorry, my ovaries are jangling just thinking about it) picture that Annie Leibovitz took of the Queen and all those little kids for her 90th birthday?

Well, they were her grandchildren (Prince Edward’s son and daughter, James, Viscount Severn and Lady Louise Windsor) and Her Maj’s, then, five great-grandchildren (Prince George and Princess Charlotte, Mia Tindall, and Savannah and Isla Phillips). Since then, Prince Louis and Lena Tindall have brought that number up to seven.

Meghan and Harry’s wee bairn will therefore be Lizzie’s eighth great-grandchild.

Not known: If they will refer to the Queen by the moniker Prince George uses, and my personal favourite, Gan-Gan.

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge's 2017 Christmas card. Picture: Chris Jackson/Kensington Palace/Getty Images

HOW WILL THE BABY CHANGE THE LINE OF SUCCESSION?

Sucks to be Princes Edward and Andrew.

No, not because they have largely been sidelined by their elder brother Prince Charles while he is not tending to his organic teff crop or making Camilla a pre-lunch sidecar or because they are always lumped with having to open Scottish sewage plants or remote animal husbandry research units.

Because they (and their own children) are all about to be knocked down a peg in the royal line of succession.

Prince Harry himself went down a notch with the arrival of Prince Louis last year, putting the Ginger Charmer sixth in line to the throne, aka Gan-Gan’s Big Gold Chair.

In turn, his son or daughter will take the seventh rung, and thus Prince Andrew will only be eighth and Prince Edward will bring up the rear and will be eleventh.