The insane gifts included in this year’s $328k Oscars swag bag

EVEN if Leonardo DiCaprio fails to take home an Oscar for the sixth time, this year’s Academy Award gift bag worth $328 is sure to perk him up.

toilet paper close up shot

EVEN if Leonardo DiCaprio fails to take home an Oscar for the sixth time, this year’s Academy Award gift bag is sure to perk him up.

“Everyone wins” at the 2016 ceremony, according to Distinctive Assets, the company in charge of assembling the luxurious goodie bags for nominees.

The bag is “once again a blend of fabulous, fun and functional items meant to thrill and pamper those who may have everything money can buy but still savour the simple joy of a gift,” the press release states.

This year’s swag bag — worth a record $232,000 ($A328,000) — includes a 10-day, first class trip to Israel for $78,000, $64,000 worth of Audi A4 rentals, a 15-day walking tour of Japan for two valued at $76,000 and even a roll of Joseph’s Toiletries luxury toilet paper, valued at $389 each.

Joseph’s toilet tissue: A specially woven, vitamin-coated outer layer provides maximum security and skin protection in moist condition while a soft-fluffed inner core adds optimal absorption and plush softness.

Nominees will also receive three private training sessions with “celebrity wellness expert” and star of ABC’s My Diet Is Better Than Yours, Jay Cardiello, worth $1,980, a laser skin-tightening procedure courtesy of 740 Park MD ($7,823), and a lifetime supply of skin creams worth $44,140.

To top it off, there’s a Fit Club TV “Ultimate Fitness Package” in a private villa ($8,840) and a Haze Dual V3 Vaporizer valued at $354.

But quite possibly the best is $425 in personalised M&Ms and a $2,688 Vampire Breast Lift — in which blood is drawn from the arm and inserted back into the breasts for a perkier cleavage.

Last year’s bags featured $125,000 (A$177,000) worth of goodies, including a luxury train ride through the Canadian rockies. Not a bad consolation prize for unlucky nominees.

Even if Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t nab an Oscar this year, she’s not going home empty-handed.