‘I will eject three loads out of my butt every week’: Montaigne’s awkward ARIA speech

WHEN Montaigne hit the stage to accept her ARIA, she probably should have stuck to the speech she had written on her iPhone. Because things went south.

WHEN Sydney singer Montaigne accepted her gong at the 1016 ARIA Awards, she probably should have stuck to the speech she had written on her iPhone.

Winning Breakthrough Artist for her debut album Glorious Heights, the 21-year-old — whose real name is Jessica Cerro — seemed to have a heartfelt point to make. But it all came out a little wrong when she started talking about her butt.

“My old mate, the real Montaigne, a French philosopher from centuries ago, once said a thing which was ...” she began before stumbling. “ ... Well, it was that ... ‘On the highest throne in the world we still sit only on our bottoms’.”

Then things got weird.

“I must remember that ... For the rest of my life I will probably eject at least three loads out of my butt every week, at least three times, and along with other ... Like a million other humans at the same time. I am human, like everyone else, and I must stay modest. This is just a thing.”

What the f$&k is she saying? #ARIAs

— Tim Campbell (@TimCampbellTwit) November 23, 2016

Omg what the heck am I watching... she's talking about bowel movements. #ARIAS

— Alexandra Bryant (@AlexBryant1) November 23, 2016

AWKWARD!! AWKWARD!!! What are you doing Montaigne?! #ARIAs

— Troy Culpan (@Milfton) November 23, 2016

As the audience and viewers watched on in confusion, Montaigne, who had the phrase “people not profit” written on her chest, persevered with her point.

“Thank you so much, but ... Yeah. It’s like, the recognition is amazing. But I am going to stay on my feet. This is ... I should have just read it verbatim.”

Just something to remember for next time.

Montaigne tries to remember her speech at the 2016 ARIA Awards.