Deadline: High times on Melbourne’s debaucherous ‘Love Boat’

On Melbourne’s “Love Boat” there’s booze and powders aplenty and some big stars have walked the gangplank seeking more bang for their buck.

Melbourne’s Love Boat antics are a lot wilder than their TV namesakes.

Mark Buttler and Andrew Rule with the latest scallywag scuttlebutt.

Orgy ahoy, cap’n!

Port Phillip Bay has been home to some famous vessels, from the Polly Woodside to the Cerberus.

But none carry the mystique or debaucherous reputation of the “Love Boat”, a vessel unsighted by most landlubbers but boarded by some mighty big names in its time.

Many from the worlds of sport and entertainment have gone up the gangplank looking to get more bang for their buck — or vice versa.

Out on the bay, the fridge is full and, reputedly, there’s powders aplenty for those who feel they need more than a few cold ones to help commune with nature and each other.

One story goes that a whip-around before a particularly riotous voyage some years ago raised $30,000 to be spent on the devil’s dandruff.

Gossip suggests this went hand-in-glove with enthusiastic swinging activity below decks.

Well-known athletes, TV personalities and business types have been known to lose inhibitions and clothes to team up with broad-minded passengers there to make new friends.

But it wasn’t always smooth sailing.

Some time ago, a prominent performer from the past allegedly paired up with someone else’s partner — but the cocky character got a bit too X-rated on the poop deck and pulled up sore and sorry.

Still, the Port Phillip love boat has a lower profile than the notorious Sydney version on the 1980s, when four senior political figures were named for getting naked with a prostitute on board.

The scandal never seemed to hurt the alleged central figure in the whole thing, colourful political identity Graham Richardson. Like our very own Warnie, Richo seems teflon coated.

Bandidos roar through Ballarat on their annual run. Picture: Sam Ruttyn

Oh crikey, I’m no bikie

One leading corporate bookie’s ads love to warn us against spinning BS at racetracks.

Well, it turns out it’s a positive message, as one punter found out at Ballarat’s Dowling Forest racetrack a couple of weeks back.

Full of ink, apart from what was on his skin, he was carrying on like a total dill when police decided it was time to scratch him from the big event.

The pest countered by saying he was a member of the Bandidos bikie gang so maybe the cops should rethink their approach.

Bad idea.

The police told the wannabe it was a wonderful coincidence he’d mentioned the Bandidos because the club just happened to be in town for their national run. They then offered to drive him straight into town so he could be “reacquainted” with 400 of his club mates.

At that point, our man’s story cracked and he decided he really wasn’t so keen on a catch-up with the crew.

He should be thankful not to suffer the same fate as another bikie impostor, a German tourist who made the elementary mistake of imagining no one knows who you really are on the other side of the world.

The German met a crew of Hells Angels in a CBD strip club and, in an ill-advised quest for free drinks, started big-noting that he was an Angel back home. A very Baden Baden idea, indeed.

Fritz the uncool cat was invited to the gang’s Nomads chapter clubhouse in Thomastown where the questions started to come thick and fast about the one-percenter life in the Fatherland.

But he ran out of answers and copped a savage session of beatings.

And orgasms for all

This could be a case of a politician going to extremes to satisfy the female constituency.

The eye-catching poster featuring western metro Liberal Democrat candidate Anthony Cursio.

It’s hard to say whether the apparent political advertising is legal or even genuine because of the lack of “authorised by” fine print at the bottom — but the material is certainly eye-catching.

It seems to show western metro Liberal Democrat candidate Anthony Cursio is prepared to make the boldest of commitments to the women of Williamstown, where this poster was sighted on Ferguson St.

Perhaps Mr Cursio was trying to differentiate himself from Dan Andrews and Matthew Guy, both noticeably quiet on what they could deliver in this area during the campaign.

Gangitano back on track

Alphonse Gangitano the gangster was scratched permanently in the laundry of his Templestowe home 24 years ago. But his name lives on.

Gangitano the racehorse had his first start at Caulfield on Saturday and it appears the handsome colt has quite a future.

Gangitano ran home strongly into third in the Merson Cooper Stakes, a listed race for youngsters with ability.

The colt, now being mentioned as a Blue Diamond candidate, almost named himself.

He is out of a mare called Colosimo, as in the surname of the talented and troubled actor who played Gangitano so well in the Underbelly drama series. And he is sired by Written By.

Alphonse Gangitano outside Melbourne Magistrates’ Court in 1996. Picture: Ben Swinnerton

Craig Williams riding Gangitano finishes third in the Merson Cooper Stakes. Picture: Getty

It’s not the first time that owners have dipped into the underworld for horse names.

Not one, but two racehorses, were named Chopper.

The first was in 1993 when the early Chopper Read books were running hot. The second was in 2009, that being a colt sired by a stallion called Handsome Ransom.

Australian-born international horseman Boyd Martin called a favourite three-day-event jumper “Neville Bardos” after Neville Bartos, the gangster character whose name appeared in the cult Chopper film. Neville Bardos had been a slow country racehorse before switching codes and going overseas to compete.

Gangitano the horse might have a more promising future than his namesake. A spokesman for the Ash and Amy Yargi stable that trains the colt told radio listeners at the weekend that the youngster has “a good temperament.”

That doesn’t sound a lot like the original Gangitano but there appears to be at least one similarity.

The stable described him as a “ladies’ horse” because his ownership is made up of more than 60 women.

The original Gangitano always fancied himself as something of a ladies’ man, as well as a man’s man and a standover man.