Just one ‘sliding doors’ moment can turn a teen’s life around, says veteran detective and dad Gary Jubelin
Gary Jubelin saw a lot of people go bad in three decades as a cop. Now the dad-of-two shares his views on keeping teens safe.
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In 34 years as a cop, Gary Jubelin saw plenty of people go off the rails — and used the lessons at home as a father working to ensure his own kids stayed on track.
The former homicide detective’s no-nonsense yet nuanced approach to policing seems reflected in his views on parenting as we discuss the perennial topic that nags at all mums and dads with teenagers: how do we keep them out of trouble?
Jubelin cites a former career criminal — Bernie Matthews, a guest on the lawman-turned-author’s I Catch Killers podcast — as he emphasises how just one “sliding doors” moment can be enough to send a young person down a path of wrongdoing.
“Just a couple of things, when I was younger, and I could have gone off in a different direction,” Jubelin says Matthews told him during a recent reflection on his past as an armed robber, escapee and prison activist.
The job of a parent is to try to equip kids to make the right decision at those moments.
These are Jubelin’s top tips: some learned on the force, others from his personal experiences as a boy and as a dad to now-adult son Jake and daughter Gemma.
BE A PARENT FIRST
“Be a parent first and a friend second,” says Jubelin, arguing you have to be strict in the formative years — but do it fairly and “with no judgement”.
“My old man was so strict it wasn’t funny, it was scary. And I now look back and think ‘thank Christ he was, because if he wasn’t that strict I’d have headed down the wrong path’. My father had the sense to see he had to be strict with me, because I was being influenced by people who weren’t the best of influences.”
Jubelin, 57, also stresses that at the same time kids must feel they can come and ask for help.
“I have told my kids no matter what you do, I will support you; and there’s a solution to every problem. You tell me what’s going on and I will help.”
VALUE THE RIGHT COMPANY
“The company you keep and your role models are something that set you on a path that’s very hard to change,” says Jubelin. Advising parents to know who their kids are socialising with, he says the best antidote to dodgy companions is positive role models, who will in turn help instil lasting values.
BE INVOLVED
As well as knowing what’s happening in your children’s life, participate as much as you can. Even when separated from his children’s mother, Jubelin says he would try to be there for things like driving his daughter to ballet or coaching at son Jake’s soccer club (although Jubelin used the latter to teach another lesson — commitment, even when things change — after signing up to train the team, specifically for father-son time, when Jake broke his leg and was out for the whole season. “So I was left teaching everyone else, while he stayed at home on the couch,” Jubelin laughs. “But I had committed, so I did it.”).
BUILD CONFIDENCE
“You’ve got to create a kid that has confidence in themselves,” Jubelin says. “None of us are born confident. I think it comes from people around you supporting you.”
He believes firmly in the value of activities like boxing or martial arts to build that confidence and reduce the likelihood of violent conflict — especially for testosterone-addled teenage boys. “It adds a confidence that you don’t have to prove yourself all the time,” he says. “Sometimes I think violence escalates because people are generally scared; but a confident person can back away from a fight because they’ve got nothing to prove.” He also espouses team sports and activities for giving children vital social and interpersonal skills for adult life.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Hand-in-hand with confidence, goes teaching teens to perceive and manage their emotions.
“Why aren’t we teaching more emotional intelligence in school?,” Jubelin muses. “Quite often I see the people that have gone off the tracks are decent people but they don’t know how to express their emotions. Bikies are the classic for it: ‘What d’you say bro?’ And it just escalates from there …”
IT’S NOT JUST YOUR WORLD
Jubelin also urges instilling a sense of empathy and respect. A first step to shattering teens’ illusion that “the whole world revolves around them” is showing them that actions have consequences and impact on others. And he urges teaching them to perform occasional random acts of kindness. “It is good for the soul,” he says. “It is rewarding, because you feel better about yourself.”
CATCH GARY LIVE … AND NOT-SO-LIVE
● Gary Jubelin’s next public-facing project is a series of I Catch Killers live shows around Australia, with dates confirmed for Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane and Adelaide.
● Tickets for the events, co-hosted by Jubelin’s friend, award-winning actor Rob Carlton, go on sale from 11am today at ticketek.com.au
● The spring shows will go behind the scenes of major investigations, from gangland murders to unsolved serial killings, helping the audience understand crime from different perspectives. “It will be raw and brutally honest just like the world I inhabited,” Jubelin says. “Nothing is off-limits.”
● Speaking of off-limits, the latest season of his I Catch Killers hit podcast is now on general release.
● On the podcast, Jubelin speaks to a gripping line-up of guests, from repeat offenders and veteran officers to top forensic and legal brains — starting this week with Australia’s hardest cop, Jason Semple.
Originally published as Just one ‘sliding doors’ moment can turn a teen’s life around, says veteran detective and dad Gary Jubelin
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