Michelle Payne reflects on a rollercoaster year after winning the Melbourne Cup

IT’S been a rollercoaster year for Michelle Payne since last year’s Melbourne Cup, but the champion jockey reveals in this exclusive column she’s come out of it a different person.

Michelle Payne riding Dandy Gent. Picture: Colleen Petch

I HAD a little smile to myself when I cantered past Prince Of Penzance on the way to the barriers for the second race at Caulfield.

It was a terrible shame what happened later — the injury, ending his bid for a second Melbourne Cup win — but that moment on the way to the gates, smiling at the irony of cantering past him on a different horse (Dandy Gent), told me I’d developed a thick skin.

I feel I’ve come out of this whole rollercoaster experience since last year’s Melbourne Cup a different person.

I feel differently about myself and about racing now. I still love it, because it’s always been my life, but I’ve realised there is more to life than riding horses around in a circle

I’ve touched on it before but it really is hard to describe the ups and downs of life since Prince won the Cup.

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I’d never give it back or turn back the clock — never — but there were times where the attention that came after winning the Cup … I felt in a way that it was taking over my life.

That’s how full on it became.

Michelle Payne heads out for the Herbert Power Stakes at Caulfield on Dandy Gent. Picture: Mark Dadswell

It became so hard, signing autographs and posing for photos, when you were there to do a job. I could tell I was upsetting my owners and trainers on race days with all the distractions but I just had to do my best to handle it.

In the end I just had to tell people “I’m here to do a job but I’m happy to get a photo or sign something later.’’

I remember the day I rang Racing Victoria’s counsellor Lisa Stevens.

I had been under so much stress I couldn’t sleep. We were under so much pressure to finish my book for a Mother’s Day launch.

I rang her and asked how I could cope. She suggested meditation, breathing exercises, but in the end I sort of rode out the wave myself.

Then the fall happened in May. It happened for a reason, I’m sure of that. I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t fallen at Mildura.

I damaged my pancreas but I needed a rest so desperately.

Payne rides past her Melbourne Cup winner Prince Of Penzance, with John Allen on board (below). Picture: Colleen Petch

I was supposed to have gone to Europe for some amazing opportunities, not just with riding at Royal Ascot and in the Shergar Cup, but meeting the British royal family, meet the Australian equestrian team for Longines in Paris, stuff like that, but then the fall happened.

I was terribly disappointed to miss that opportunity but I was so overwhelmed by what was planned — staying fit and focused to ride and enjoying everything else to go with it — that the fall may have been a timely blessing

I reckon it’s a bit ironic I’m struggling to pick up a decent volume of rides because since the fall I feel I’ve been far more calculating in my race riding.

I really think I’m a better rider. Darren Weir (Prince Of Penzance’s trainer) had been putting me on at trackwork but not in races, which has disappointed me a bit.

I think Darren thought I’d never have enough time to get back to ride Prince and decided early on not to give me rides. But that’s OK, it’s his opinion and he’s the trainer.

I’m grateful for the past but so excited about the future.

I’ve dropped off a lot of the commitments that were getting out of control but life is still a bit crazy.

Payne before the Herbert Power. Picture: Ian Currie

The Prime Minister’s PA approached me at the AFL Grand Final to meet the PM. These kind of things just blow me away although nothing seems to surprise me any more.

I’ve got a dual licence to ride and train and I’ve got a lovely filly called Queen Of Zealand running at Cranbourne on Sunday and I really think I can get her to the VRC Oaks in a few weeks time.

It’s so wonderful training your own horses. As a jockey, you just get on them and walk away but you’re up every morning to train them, you are learning all the time — I’m pestering my brothers Patrick and Andrew every day for advice.

I’ve got two and only want five or six.

I’m relentlessly hassling Ciaron Maher to give me the ride on Set Square in next week’s Caulfield Cup.

I’ve been saying to Ciaron for a long time now that she’s the perfect Caulfield Cup horse this year. She’d give it a shake with the right barrier.

I think I’m in the loop but we’ll have to see — the beauty of racing is you never know what’s around the corner.