Matty Johns’ ultimate Magic Round 2025 survival guide: Pubs, attractions, entertainment

While the main action is at Suncorp Stadium, Brisbane has so much more to offer for NRL fans at Magic Round. MATTY JOHNS details the best - and worst - experiences you just can’t miss.

Okay, here we go again.

It’s Magic Round, that special event where rugby league fans from right across Australia, New Zealand, and even Great Britain, come together to celebrate the 13-a-side game. Or, depending on the mood of the NRL bunker, the 11-a-side game.

But it’s also a wonderful chance to wander Brisbane and take in some of what is now regarded as a Boom City (granted, it’s coming from a low base. Ten years ago, Lonely Planet magazine described Brisbane as a rat-infested hellhole with architecture that makes North Korea look like Monte Carlo, and cuisine you wouldn’t feed to your worst enemy’s ferret).

Harsh but fair.

Okay, let’s check out some of the stuff you can’t miss.

Matty Johns has got you covered with the ultimate Magic Round survival guide for 2025. Picture: Britta Campion / The Australian

THE CAXTON STREET STROLL

Slip on the suit of armour and motorbike helmet as you take your life into your own hands and wander down Caxton Street.

Resembling a zombie apocalypse, you’ll be verbally abused, pushed, shoved and belittled by some of the most disgusting ferals the Sunshine State has released on parole.

You’ll be attacked by a wave of unemployed drunks and jerks screaming “Queenslander” through a mouth which knows no dental plan.

THE FORTITUDE VALLEY TOUR

Relive the glory days of Fortitude Valley, as your guide takes you on a tour of the once-maligned neighbourhood.

There’s a meet and greet with local drug dealers, where you’ll get lunch, a cold beer and a laugh with crooked cops, before you experience the exhilaration of being chased, harassed and robbed by disgruntled youth.

Then finish the tour at Desperate Dan’s Fingers of Paradise massage parlour, where if you say the codeword “Tallis”, you’ll receive 25 per cent off.

THE QLD LEGENDS OF LEAGUE LUNCH

Something you simply can’t miss, where some of Queensland’s finest players bore the audience with half-truths, bloated exaggerations and blatant big noting while spruiking baseless conspiracies on all things New South Wales.

The price is $50, which includes all the cask wine you can drink and a spam-and-devon platter.

THE NEW OLYMPIC SITE

Breaking tradition, Brisbane is no longer just in the grip of alcoholism. It is now suffering from an acute case of Olympic fever, having won the right to host the 2032 glamorised Little Athletics carnival. (Side note: Brisbane was the sole bidder after Launceston pulled out late).

The new Olympic precinct is a site to behold with new restaurants, five-star hotels and Brisbane first dentist.

VISIT THE XXXX BREWERY

Brisbane’s version of the Vatican, a gargantuan tribute to Australia’s worst beer.

Inside is the XXXX Hall of Fame room, where you can learn more about some of Queensland’s most-prolific alcoholics.

Like Harry “how ’bout one more” Hamilton, who once drank 58 cans on a Jetstar flight from Brisbane to Sydney.

And make sure you go to the pub inside the brewery itself, where from 4-5pm there’s $5 schooners and kids under-12 drink free.

XXXX brewery in Milton. Picture: Richard Walker

THE BRISBANE RIVER CHALLENGE

The annual event this Sunday when thousands of Queenslanders to partake in a 1km race where punters swim the Brisbane River, a waterway teaming with raw sewage, dead livestock and human bacteria.

The winner gets $5000, an ear infection and the title “king sh*t”.

THE JOHNS FAMILY PODCAST LIVE

The Johns Family Podcast will be live at the Queens Wharf leisure deck. Picture: Sam Ruttyn

One of Australia’s most dysfunctional families will host a free live podcast from 12-2pm at level 7 of the Queens Wharf leisure deck.

Be wowed and entertained as Trish and I give our reasons why marriage will ruin your life and having children is a terrible idea.

The men of the family will share stories from their substandard playing careers, while Trish will regale the audience with tales from her years as an exotic dancer.

And, winding back the clock, our Trish will finish by strapping on the G-string and reliving the performance which made her a pole dancing legend.

So, don’t forget to bring the $5 notes, kids.

Originally published as Matty Johns’ ultimate Magic Round 2025 survival guide: Pubs, attractions, entertainment