Alex McKinnon 10 years on: Life, love and forging a future after tragedy
Ten years ago Alex McKinnon was a rising rugby league star until everything changed in one fateful moment. In this exclusive interview with DAVE RICCIO, McKinnon reveals it has been a decade of finding new purpose and new love.
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Alex McKinnon has revealed he’s gone from never wanting to leave his house to the happiest he’s been in 10 years.
It was with one devastating click of his spinal cord that McKinnon went from a rising rugby league star of the Newcastle Knights to a young man resigned to life in a wheelchair.
A strapping six-foot tall forward on the football field one day to a quadriplegic unable to use a knife and fork the next.
Already a self-conscious character, he found the reflection in the mirror unrecognisable.
For six months his mind raced until to the point of exhaustion. Who am I? How can I be a father? What future is this? Who’s going to love me?
The break-up of his marriage to high school sweetheart Teigan Power two years ago only added to the complexity and layers of self-doubt.
“As a person, I was really insecure. Whether it was around body image or my ability in anything,’’ McKinnon, 32, said.
“So adding the additional element of getting injured and then losing control of parts of your body that you can’t really move, that body image and insecurity was something I really struggled with.
“Does someone find me attractive? Being in a relationship and then being separated, it was really tough.
“But (after separating from Power) it also gave me the opportunity to get out of my comfort zone again.
“To get out and meet different people and find myself. In some ways, doing it by yourself is probably the best way to do it.’’
“I’m probably in the best spot I’ve ever been in.
“Mentally I’m just in a really calm spot, which I’m happy to say, because it hasn’t always been that way.’’
McKinnon says the catalyst to moving forward with confidence, both into new relationships, and with hopes and dreams as a psychologist and even the want for more kids, has been forgiveness.
In an emotional moment, McKinnon said he even needed to mentor his own father to “let go of any pain” in order to move forward with his life.
“Forgiveness is not an easy thing to have,’’ McKinnon said.
“Getting injured, having something happen to me and my life completely changing, I really struggled with anger towards so many people involved in it.
“There was pain that came with it and frustration and anger that consumed my day to day life.
“It was just exhausting.
“I found myself in a spot where I had to forgive because I felt it was the only way for me to move on from my injury.
“I recognise it as the best thing I ever did.
“It released a lot of weight from my shoulders and gave a lot of people in my life a breath as well.
“As far as Dad is concerned, that’s just who he is. He’s very protective.
“To be honest, if something happened to my children, I’d probably be the same.
“I respect it. But the thing was if they (parents) were going to be in my life, I needed them to be able to move on as well.
“I got to a stage where I was like, even if he hasn’t moved on, which I think he has to some extent, that’s his responsibility and it’s not on me.’’
THE TACKLE
In his only interview to mark the 10th anniversary of the tackle that rocked the entire rugby league community, McKinnon conceded he finds it uncomfortable when watching replays of the devastating impact.
It was on a typically cool Monday night in Melbourne on March 24, 2014, that McKinnon landed horribly from a tackle that would alter the course of his life.
Just under 60-seconds before the halftime break, McKinnon was left screaming on the AAMI Park turf after a tackle by Storm players Jordan McLean, Jesse Bromwich and Kenny Bromwich went horrifically wrong.
The impact of the dangerous tackle led to the immediate fracture of his C4 and C5 vertebrae, rendering him paralysed from the chest down.
“It’s very raw to watch,’’ McKinnon told News Corp.
“I can’t really connect to it, to be honest.
“I’m kind of numb to it. I don’t like looking at it.’’
In the days that followed, McKinnon was told not only was his burgeoning football career over, but he would likely never walk again.
McLean was suspended by the NRL for seven matches while the Bromwich brothers were excused from any role in the incident.
DARK DAYS
Gripped by self-consciousness about his body image and how people perceived him as a young man with a wheelchair, McKinnon sat for the first six-months following his injury inside his home and of his own volition, he was often alone.
“All the thoughts and every element of what your life was going to look like was very consuming,’’ McKinnon said.
“It was beyond understanding, because I’d never experienced it, so you don’t really know.
“Which is a good thing in hindsight because some of the things that I’ve been able to get through over the last ten years, had I known in the beginning, I don’t know whether I would be able to get through them.
“The unknown may have been a blessing in disguise.
“After I was injured, I wanted to make sure everybody was okay and then I kind of pushed a lot of people away, deliberately, so I could be by myself and to give myself the opportunity to work through it.
“I essentially pushed everybody away. Whether it was Teigan, my ex-wife now and her going back to work, my parents, making sure they went back to work and my friends went back to work, I put on a front to make sure they recognised that I was okay.
“(But) there was probably a six-month period where I just sat in the house and suffered over what the future is going to look like.
“What was I going to do?
“I was just really coming to terms with what life was going to be like.
“It was a tough period to get through.’’
Asked who he turned to for support, McKinnon said: “Teigan was definitely by my side.
“But I know I didn’t talk to her about a lot of those things. It was more internal.
“I was trying to work out how the f...k I was going to work my way out of this.
“When you go through a change or face a challenge, sometimes you just need to sit in the space and work your way through it.
“That’s what I did.
“I needed that stillness to work out how I was going to get out of this.’’
I HAVE TO GET MOVING
McKinnon said his outlook changed due to three reasons.
“I couldn’t drive. I couldn’t open doors, I couldn’t do a lot of things,’’ McKinnon said.
“So simply getting out of the house was my main priority.
“Three things I remember thinking initially are, getting out of the house, getting some routine in my life and being around people.
“Those three things, in the first six months that I was living at home, I lost completely.’’
McKinnon said taking up a role as a recruitment manager for the Knights was defining.
“Going back to work at the club was the best thing,’’ McKinnon said.
“I’m so grateful for the club. It’s probably one of the best things they’ve ever done for me, which was to show some faith to get me back around people.
“As much as the environment was completely different (to a year-and-a-half earlier) I was like, how can I help and be of service to the club for them giving me the opportunity?’’
STANDING UP
McKinnon said daily, monthly and yearly goal-setting was paramount to his mental wellbeing.
His greatest goal was achieved in 2017, when, before league luminaries including Wayne Bennett, Andrew Johns, Danny Buderus, Kurt Gidley and Dane Gagai, McKinnon stood on his wedding day to Power.
“There’s a lot of things I did on that day that I didn’t think I could do,’’ McKinnon said.
“It was a pretty surreal and magical moment because I just didn’t know if physically I’d be able to do those things.
“Not that I was doubting myself, but I was nervous how it was going to go.
“I did a lot of training, definitely a lot of practice and it was definitely a goal of mine.
“Looking back on that day, I can’t believe I achieved it. It was good fun.’’
THE BREAK-UP
The loving relationship between McKinnon and Power captivated everyday Australians.
It’s why their separation in January 2022, came as a shock to so many.
McKinnon says he will forever be indebted to Power for her support through his lowest of lows and for providing the joys of his life, their three daughters, Harriet (five) and two-year-old twins, Audrey and Violet.
He describes the breakdown of their marriage two years ago as a case of two people changing over time.
“Teigan was by my side through a really tough period in my life,’’ McKinnon said.
“I’m very lucky that she’s given me three beautiful girls, which have given me a lot of purpose.
“Those three girls make me want to be a good person and continue to be the best I can be for them and as present in their life as I can be and I love that.
“We’re still really good friends.
“But as time goes on, it’s been 10 years since I was injured, people evolve, people change, myself and her, everybody evolves.
“It probably got to a stage where we were just friends for a long period of our relationship and the time came where we just needed to end that and remain friends, and that’s what we’ve done.
“It’s the best thing for us and it’s the best thing for our kids.’’
MEETING NEW PEOPLE
McKinnon admits it took time for him to manage his lack of self-confidence over meeting new people to be in a position where he’s excited, albeit still early days, about a new relationship with Lily Malone, a fellow student at the University of Newcastle.
“Initially, post-separation, a lot of focus went into my children and making sure I was present and there for them,’’ McKinnon said.
“Being separated allowed me to make some changes in my life and at that time, I went to university.
“Going to uni, literally a month after we separated, it probably came at the best time of my life.
“It got me out of my comfort zone, I met different people, there are so many lovely people that I met at uni over the last two and a half years that I have been there.
“I suppose now in regards to relationships and meeting different people, I’ve met a lot of different people over the last two and half years since being separated, and it has allowed me to find myself again with self confidence and identity, I’ve been very lucky.’
The besotted father even admitted he would like more children.
“When you go through a fair bit in your life and there’s a lot of change in your environment, you recognise that family is all you’ve got,’’ McKinnon said.
“Going through a divorce, losing that element of extended family, and being single for an extended period over the last two and half years, it’s made me realise how much I love family and being around people that you love and care about.
“The three girls have brought the most joy to my life ever, so I can’t see why having more wouldn’t be even better.’’
COACH WHISPERER
McKinnon is in the fourth and final year of a bachelor’s degree in psychology at Newcastle University.
Outside of becoming a father, he says completion of the course would be the greatest success of his life and that hopefully, it leads to returning to rugby league, or any sport, as a mind coach.
“I got to 29 years of age and said to myself, if I’m going to make a change from rugby league, then I need to make a change and commit to it,’’ McKinnon said.
“I enrolled in uni and recognised that psychology was something that I was really interested in.
“I’ve always been very goal driven and reflecting on the last 10 years, a lot hasn’t gone to plan, a lot has also, but I’m also grateful that things haven’t gone to plan as well.
“Because I sit here probably the happiest I’ve ever been.
“When I went to uni I said, I just want to finish the bachelor’s degree and if I was able to complete that, I truly believe it would be my greatest ever achievement because I’m just not somebody that is really academic.
“At the completion of my bachelor’s degree this year, I could see myself working one-on-one with somebody.
“Whether it’s as a leadership coach, mental skills coach or psychologist, across different sports.
“I think its an important (area in sport) and it’s potentially a space I’d like to move into post my degree.’’
THE FUTURE
Outside of focusing on caring for his three girls and pet dog Sonic, McKinnon said that after 10 years of chasing goals, he is focused on living each day to it’s fullest.
Asked to answer how he explains to people how Alex McKinnon is going, the former NRL rising star says: “He’s healthy. Very happy and excited for what the future can bring.
“It’s really unknown what it could be.
“I’m not necessarily focused on what it will become, I’m more focused on being as present as possible in my life and enjoying the moment that I have day-to-day, rather than focused on what year-to-year looks like.
“I’m very lucky to have three little girls that bring me a lot of joy. I can’t really complain.’’
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Originally published as Alex McKinnon 10 years on: Life, love and forging a future after tragedy
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