Wayne Carey opens up to former coach Denis Pagan about the affair saga that destroyed North Melbourne

Denis Pagan wondered why wayne Carey did not immediately apologise and heal the rift between him and Anthony Stevens. But Carey says no other thought entered his mind.

Wayne Carey’s relationship with Anthony Stevens was never the same.

Wayne Carey has described his affair with Anthony Stevens’ wife Kelli as “the greatest regret of my life” in an emotional reflection with former coach Denis Pagan on the saga that ripped apart the tight-knit North Melbourne playing list.

North Melbourne champion Carey sat down with his two-time premiership coach Pagan for the first time in an honest discussion about the 2002 affair for his new podcast The Truth Hurts.

Pagan asked Carey why he could not have immediately apologised to his great friend Stevens and attempted to heal the rift that would see him depart the club and ultimately join Adelaide the following season.

But Carey revealed that he immediately knew his only course of action was to quit the club, believing his relationship with Stevens and some teammates would be irrevocably broken.

As part of a discussion on their incredible tenure at North Melbourne Carey thanked Pagan for his contribution then brought up the painful chapter for the first time with him.

Wayne Carey fronted a press conference after the affair became public.

“We have never spoken about it before. It’s obviously the biggest regret of my life. I have made some mistakes but it was the biggest one I have made,” Carey said.

“I want to talk about, and I don’t want to talk about the incident. It has been done to death.

It was over 20 years ago. Everyone knows why I left the footy club. How did that affect you mentally at the time? How did you get through it?”

Pagan told Carey his initial hope was that the rift could be healed, a futile reaction given Stevens and Carey still remain at loggerheads decades later.

The pair had an uncomfortable verbal discussion at last year’s 1996 premiership reunion in another reminder they will remain estranged forever.

“It was the greatest tragedy in my time in coaching. Even to the point now I knew how much pressure you were under,” Pagan responded to Carey.

“I wish we could have changed it. You could have come out straight away and said, ‘I am terribly, terribly sorry.’

“I thought you were reluctant to say you were sorry at the start.

Anthony Stevens with then wife Kellie in 2001.

“It’s easy for me to say I wish you had done this and I wish you had grabbed Stevo and embraced him and said, “I am terribly sorry, whatever you want me to do I will do it”.

“But that is easy for me to say, I don’t want to know the details of it. It is just one of the sad facts of life.

“You talked about regrets, it’s one of your biggest regrets and I am sure even now if you could have done anything to change it, it did destroy the fabric of the football club and we did pick up the pieces a bit but we were never quite the same.

“When I think how close everyone was and how close you were, it was tragic. We had such a bond and it was broken and even now there is still a bit of angst and I hate to see it. All we can do now is pick up the pieces. I see you, I see Glenn (Archer) and I see Anthony and I just wish it could have been like the old times.

“I wish you could have gone up to Echuca for the weekend or Sydney for the weekend and come back and have all been mates and tricked the coach that you’ve only had two chandys and didn’t have a beer and we could have all gone on but it happened, that’s life we’re not going to change it and these things occur.

Carey and Stevens would later meet on the field. Picture: George Salpigtidis

“When I think of it now it still devastates me to think, I wish it didn’t happen but it’s life.”

Carey and Kelli Stevens were spotted emerging from a toilet at a function at Archer’s house on a Saturday night in March 2002, and by the following Wednesday the game’s most dominant player had quit North Melbourne.

Carey told Pagan he never considered any other action given the pain of his actions and its consequences on Stevens.

“I was really quick to just ring (North Melbourne officials) Geoff Walsh and Greg Miller and rang straight away.

The thought was, they say fight or flight. But straight away the thought for me was I have got to walk away. There was no other thought in my mind. For those who think I got sacked, that wasn’t the case. I quit straight away. There was no thought. The apology thing (to Stevens to save his Kangaroos career) never really came into mind at that point. It was just, “I have to separate myself from the club”.”

The episode of Carey’s The Truth Hurts podcast is available on Thursday.