Carlton star Levi Casboult opens up about life on and off the field, the sadness and vulnerabilities that led to his happiness
Reborn Carlton forward Levi Casboult opens up on the importance of family, dealing with tragedy and the coach who saved his AFL career.
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2018 was a shocking year.
In January, my dad Leigh had a heart attack. He was in intensive care, but pulled through and is all good now, thankfully.
In March, my wife Hayley lost her very close cousin Kade unexpectedly to respiratory complications related to muscular dystrophy.
In May, I played my 100th game and the next week I broke a rib and punctured my lung.
I missed the next six games, came back for one and had a compound dislocation in my finger the next week.
I played one more game and got dropped for the rest of the year and was put on the trade table.
Then, in November, Hayley had a miscarriage.
It was the icing on the cake to a bad year.
The turning point came in December.
My brother-in-law Matt was getting married in Hawaii and I was lucky enough Carlton gave me time off from pre-season to attend.
I got about a month away from the club, when things weren’t going well for me.
I trained on my own, which I’m pretty good at. I enjoy working hard. I enjoy getting in the gym, so training on my own wasn’t an issue and I was able to get away from everything.
I’m a good advocate for the AFL to minimise pre-season!
Getting away from footy and the disappointment of losing a child was almost like a reset.
I came back refreshed, with a new approach and one year left on my contract. The break helped me focus on what mattered in life, which was family, health and happiness.
No matter what, I was going to enjoy playing footy.
If I was going to finish footy (in 2019) I didn’t want to finish like that, down in the dumps and feeling sorry for myself.
I didn’t want to be worried about, ‘Am I going to play? Am I not going to play?’ because at the end of the day I am getting paid to play footy, whether it is AFL or VFL.
When you bring it all back, we’re just big kids that love playing footy.
HELPING HANDS
I struggled with the miscarriage, from the point I felt like I didn’t have the right to be sad because I already had two kids.
We know people that have, or are struggling to have kids, so I felt guilty being sad for losing one when I had two healthy, happy boys.
As well as the loss of life, a 10-week old baby is still a living being.
As soon as we found out we were pregnant we started planning our future around this baby being a part of it. When that‘s taken from you it’s hard.
It’s funny, when I say how bad footy was going, that was also my outlet.
The first couple weeks of pre-season, before we went away to Hawaii, I was able to escape what was happening at home and then home was an escape from footy.
Nobody at the club knew what I was going through at home and my wife bore the brunt of it.
Hayley was the one who encouraged me to go see someone, which is how footy turned around.
It’s not always physical.
It’s not about having to work harder, you’re already working hard.
I was 29, how much stronger am I going to get, how much fitter am I going to get?
I started seeing a sports psychologist, not about football but everything that was going on.
I shifted my focus to what I had and started practising mindfulness and gratitude. I learnt how to be present and enjoy the moments and not always be looking for the next step.
It also taught me mechanisms to cope when things weren’t going my way.
It didn’t matter if I was playing AFL or VFL, I was happy and it carried into my home life.
Taking the stress off footy made me a better dad today to our three beautiful children, Lonnie, 4, Arlo, 2, and Goldie, eight months, and a better husband to Hayley.
I wasn’t worried about results. I was really lucky to have some great people in my corner who I’ll forever be in debt to.
You can’t get through tough times without tough people and that’d definitely something I did have on my side.
Northern Blues VFL coach Josh Fraser was a really good outlet.
He spoke about how his time ended at Collingwood and how lucky he was to get a second chance at Gold Coast to redo some things and change the way he finished football.
To go out and enjoy footy, essentially, not be bitter about the situation I’m in, or where I’m at.
I’m lucky to be doing what I’m doing, was the mindset, so enjoy it while I’m doing it.
It was hard, opening up to my psychologist.
I’m an emotional person, but I don’t really open up my feelings to people like that.
MY HERO HAYLEY
I’m not perfect and still haven’t solved all my issues, but she’s coached me through.
We have been together for nine or so years and she’s always been there for me.
If I’m going through a bad time she’ll put up a quote around the house, or wraps notes around my mouthguard so before a game I find the little messages.
A couple of weeks ago she had a photo of me as a kid wearing a Carlton jumper and wrote: “Ten-year-old Levi would love to be doing what you’re doing so keep doing it.”
It’s a nice reminder, generally about family, of why I’m doing it and the support I have at home.
We work well together as a team. I think she knows me better than I do!
Last weekend when I got home from the game she said, “Why were you frustrated?”
I said I wasn’t and she said “definitely” you looked frustrated. When I looked back on the game I WAS definitely frustrated
She’s right a lot, unfortunately.
HOTSPOT: THE EXTRACTION
At 2pm last Wednesday, Hayley got the call from Carlton saying we had to be out of the house by midnight and pack for 5-6 weeks away.
It wasn’t ideal. Lucky Hayley was there because I would’ve lost the plot with a game the next day.
It all happened quickly for us. We didn’t have time to think about it.
We threw some stuff into bags and spent the next four nights in an apartment in Jolimont.
We had already committed to Hayley coming to the hub and the club was really good, in terms of being supportive of whatever decision we made.
It was an easy decision for us because our kids aren’t at school and both or our parents are interstate, so we didn’t have any help back in Melbourne.
We didn’t know where we were going or for how long.
We knew it would be hard either way, but being together was our priority.
Our oldest, Lonnie, asks a few questions but essentially we’re on a holiday for them.
Hayley looks after them full-time at home, they don’t go to daycare, so nothing changes here on the Gold Coast apart from the fact we’re not at home.
We brought four suitcases, a couple of other bags, and the Thermomix.
We packed toys and clothes for the kids and snack food, they don’t stop eating.
We did forget a couple of things, had to buy some goggles online the other day and we only have one pair of shoes for the kids so we have to sort that out. Other than that I think we did all right.
I’m the only Carlton player with family here, but we’re in the same Gold Coast hotel as the Western Bulldogs and North Melbourne.
They’ve got six or seven kids each so there’s plenty floating around and I’m sure as the days roll by they’ll make friends with the other kids.
I’m really feeling for the families and partners that are back in Melbourne.
It’s definitely going to be a hard time for everyone but one that’s worth it for the long run.
INSIDE THE HUB
We are only allowed to leave the resort to train and play.
You got to find ways to have fun in your down time.
It forces you to make relationships with people you might not hang around with much at the club because they’re in different weights programs and sessions of this and that.
It definitely makes the relationships better.
A lot of card games are going on and some boys brought up their PlayStations. There are two pools and the AFL has put in table tennis tables and arcade machines.
As big as the resort is, it becomes small with so many people here, especially with not a lot of areas for kids to run around.
It’s hard not to run into players and coaches from other clubs.
Hayley is a lot better at socialising. I’m a bit quieter and keep to myself.
She was in the gym and Luke Beveridge was there, so she was chatting to him for a bit, and as she walked out said: “Good luck on the weekend.”
He kind of looked at her and said, “Do you mean that?’ and she clicked and said, “As much as I can”.
FIVE COACHES, NINE SEASONS
I don’t know what it’s like to have the same coach for 10 years.
From Ratts (Brett Ratten) to Mick (Malthouse) I was a young guy. I’d only just made my debut.
It didn’t really affect me too much.
Then from Mick to JB (John Barker), he was really good as an interim coach, into Bolts (Brendon Bolton), I’d established myself as a regular member of the side and had to start again.
The hardest thing is having to earn the respect again.
You work and work and work and then change coach and then you’ve got to start again.
Ratts gave me my opportunity and was always really good to me. I would’ve been more than happy to keep playing under Ratts. He’s shown now that he’s still capable of coaching at the highest level.
Mick’s name and reputation was very daunting, the old school coach who could give a spray but once you got to know him he’s a compassionate and family-orientated person.
As a player I probably didn’t respond to his coaching as well because I’m a more of a gentle soul. I don’t respond to a spray as much.
As a person, I can’t fault him, he’s a really nice guy with good values and we got along off-field. His coaching didn’t suit my personality as a player, not his fault, not my fault, just the way it goes.
That’s another thing, because of my size everyone has been trying to get me to “be aggressive and play angry and hurt people” and it’s not in my nature to go out of my way to do that.
I do things on instinct, once I realised that’s not the way I play good footy and other people realised that, I think it’s been a lot more helpful.
Through the early years trying to play angry was probably detrimental.
I’ve got a lot of respect for what Bolts has done, especially being a good Tassie boy.
I’d love to see John Barker get a go, it might be because I’ve had him as an assistant coach for 10 years but I think he’s got a lot to offer.
Teaguey (David Teague) is my favourite because he was my first (VFL) coach and hopefully my last. His belief in me and support on and off the field has been exceptional.
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