Caron Bailey breaks her silence a year after the death of one of AFL’s most respected identity and husband Dean

CARON Bailey has made her late husband’s mantra her own — to live the best life she can.

AFL Hall Of Fame. Dean Bailey and wife Caron.

CARON Bailey has made her late husband’s mantra her own — to live the best life she can.

Breaking her silence a year after the death of the respected AFL identity, Caron is unequivocal about her need to move forward, because “I don’t want pity, I don’t want that sad look”.

But her resilient attitude hides a searing pain and she concedes there is “always a moment during the day”.

READ BELOW: The spirit of Dean Bailey will remain in clubs’ hearts

“That is when I feel like my heart has been ripped out,” Caron says.

Today, exactly a year after she lost her husband to cancer, Caron will keep moving forward, heading off to her job as a nanny of two young children, even though she was offered the day off.

She knows her mobile phone will constantly buzz either with a call or a written message of support as Australian football reflects on the death to cancer a year ago of Dean Bailey, one of the game’s most loved and admired men.

And tomorrow — just as she did yesterday — life has to go on without her husband and father of their two sons, Mitch and Darcy.

“Everyone will have their memory of Dean today ... good memories,” she says. “And I’ll remember how he wanted everyone to live the best life they could. So you keep pushing forward to get the best out of life ... what else is there otherwise?”

Caron Bailey has shunned public attention in the past year, just as she did while her husband worked — as a player or coach at Essendon, Port Adelaide, Melbourne and Adelaide — for three decades in the much-exposed AFL.

There have been opportunities, particularly when the national media has sought her views on how the AFL treated Dean Bailey in 2012-13 with a 16-week ban for his supposed part in the “tanking” saga at Melbourne in 2009 when he coached the Demons.

“What’s the point?” she says.

She feels uncomfortable being in the spotlight today, emphasising that many others also have stories of losing a loved one to cancer.

She would prefer today to be remembered with a photograph of Dean in the public view, rather than herself.

“I’m not the only one ... so I don’t want pity, I don’t want that sad look,” she says. “We all cope in our different ways.”

A year ago, at the family’s private funeral, Caron — in her own words — was “hopeless” while Mitch and Darcy spoke passionately of their father who just four months earlier was diagnosed with lung cancer.

“I was so proud; they did an outstanding job,” she says.

“I was hopeless. I could not have done what Mitch and Darcy did — or the others (including new Crows coach Phil Walsh) who all did justice to the man they loved.”

A year on, Caron can deal with the memories — and a future in Adelaide as her sons carve their careers in SA league football, while her family is in Queensland.

“Even if it now hits me more than a year ago,” she said.

“Then I was busy. I moved home (from Melbourne). I bought a house. And there always was a lot to do. Every day, there was at least two new things to do.

“Now I keep busy, working or with the boys ... but there is always a moment during the day. That is when I feel like my heart has been ripped out. I feel saddest knowing my sons do not have their dad who was such an inspirational person.

“I see some beautiful old couples and think that is not going to be for me and Dean. There is always a trigger. But I am not the only one with that story, so I don’t want to make anything of that.”

Their sons live under the same roof while working along the greatest divide in SA football. Darcy, 21, is carving out a league football career at SANFL club Glenelg, while also studying a three-year tertiary course for a physical education degree.

Mitch, 23, has completed his sports science degree and is working at the Port Adelaide Football Club, in the training staff for the SANFL Magpies — the Tigers’ fiercest rivals.

“It is quite strange to see a Magpies shirt next to a Glenelg jumper on the clothesline,” says Caron.

“The calendar is already marked with the first Magpies-Glenelg game (Sunday, May 31 at Alberton).”

Her place in football today is watching Darcy at SANFL games. She says her emotions during a game are slowly re-emerging after she learned to be guarded and restrained while being watched as the “wife of an AFL senior coach”.

“I love watching Darcy play,” she says.

“And I know how much Dean put into the boys’ careers. They’ve had a great start with him as a role model. They are good, mature boys. To see them today making their way in football makes me proud.”

There are theories others carry — but Caron dismisses — on how cancer consumed a fit and healthy living Dean Bailey at the end of 2012, a year after he returned to Adelaide to become the Crows’ senior coaching strategist. Many in the Crows hierarchy contend the stress of the AFL investigation into the tanking saga at Melbourne hurt Bailey.

“Dean had a full body test at the end of 2011 and everything was okay,” Caron Bailey said. “And during that 16-week suspension, he was not stressed. He just got on with what he wanted to do at the Adelaide Football Club.

“What’s the point of taking on the AFL? Why would I put my family through that; it is too toxic. You move on, just as the game moves on to another story.”

Caron Bailey is moving on.

“I have people to comfort me,” she says.

“Hopefully, (today) everyone thinks of their best memory of Dean — and it will be a good memory.”

The spirit of Dean Bailey will remain in clubs’ hearts: Phil Walsh

By Jesper Fjeldstad

ADELAIDE coach Phil Walsh says the spirit of Dean Bailey will always be part of both Port Adelaide and Adelaide, a year after Bailey lost his battle with cancer.

Walsh, who worked alongside Bailey at Port Adelaide, emphasised the importance of supporting his family as football embarks on another season.

The fate of Bailey, who died aged 47 exactly a year ago today, is a constant thought for Walsh since he crossed from the Power to take over the senior job with the Crows.

Walsh delivered an emotional eulogy when Bailey’s life was celebrated and was one of his closest mates.

“I miss Dean Bailey,’’ Walsh said. `”The world would be a better place if he was still here.

“It’s a very private issue for me and I probably don’t want to go on record other than to say that I’m one of a number of people who want to give Caron (Bailey’s wife) and the two boys as much support as possible.’’

Bailey joined Adelaide for the 2012 season after nearly four seasons as coach of Melbourne.

He played 53 games with Essendon from 1986-92 and was considered a match-day tactician of note, having spent time under Kevin Sheedy and Mark Williams to develop his craft.

As a person, he had a dry sense of humour and managed to mix the fast pace of AFL football with a laid-back disposition.