We look at AFL stars’ favourite pump-up songs and rate them from worst to best
EVERY AFL player has that special tune that pumps them up. Hit reporter Mikey Cahill rates the AFL finals players’ pump-up jams, worst to best, from 20 to 1. And this is one category Dusty ain’t winning.
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EVERY AFL player has that special tune that pumps them up. A song that gets them in the zone before crossing the white line.
Hit reporter Mikey Cahill rates the AFL finals players’ pump-up jams, worst to best, from 20 to 1.
Thanks to Channel 7’s Saturday Night Footy for coming through with the full list of hundreds of songs.
Here is the Finals Countdown of clangers and bangers.
20 DUSTIN MARTIN (Richmond)
Loyal — Chris Brown
Maybe Dusty heard this at Bond Bar? Maybe at an infamous South Melbourne nightspot? Whatever. It’s atrocious. The opposite of his current form. This may be the only time he’ll rate last on an AFL player’s list.
Best bit: the whole thing’s a write-off.
Motivational lyric: “We up in this club, bring me the bottles.” Dusty means Gatorade.
19 LUKE SHUEY (West Coast)
Something Just Like This — The Chainsmokers & Coldplay
898 million streams can be wrong. How Chris Martin got mixed up with this mob I’ll never know. Hint: $$$. Now that Shuey has become a father he needs to leave the days of listening to The Chainsmokers and doing a Shoey (sic) behind. Level up with The Presets.
Best bit: the intro before the go-nowhere beat “drops.”
Motivational lyric: “Where’d you wanna go? How much you wanna risk?”
18 ALEX RANCE (Richmond)
3am — Matchbox Twenty
Another Tiger with terrible taste, Alex opts for Rob Thomas before putting on the yellow and black. He can’t be serious. I don’t want anybody to have imagine him jiving to this, Teresa May-style, pre-Granny. A Rance prance before the Big Dance? This is pants.
Best bit: the jaunty guitars.
Motivational lyric: “And the rain’s gonna wash away I believe it.” The ‘G has great drainage.
17 JAEGER O’MEARA (Hawthorn)
Numb feat. Graace — Hayden James
This song seems unsure of itself, not knowing what it wants to do, a lot like O’Meara’s body in 2017. A better selection would have been Something About You because there’s something about you, Jaeger Bomb, you’re explosive.
Best bit: dreamy atmospherics feel like an ad for AFL Finals in September.
Motivational lyric: “Don’t come any closer/ I’ve seen how this all works”
16 JOEL SELWOOD (Geelong)
Yellow — Coldplay
Undoubtedly one of the bravest players in the league. Yet, he ducks into tackles and gets freekicks. So I’m calling him “yella” like Marty McFly says it to Biff Tannen in the Back To The Future Trilogy. This better not fire him up.
Best bit: the way the guitars and drums pound together like waves crashing on a beach ;-}
Motivational lyric: “For you I’d bleed myself dry.”
15 LUKE BREUST (Hawthorn)
I Fall Apart — Post Malone
There’s a weird parallel between the careers of these two artists. Both have gone about their business in front of massive, frothing crowds as antiheroes and left an indelible mark on their respective codes. Malone likes yachts, Breust loves surfing. The song’s a bit meh though.
Best bit: The rumbling trap drums dropping in at .57 mark.
Motivational (goalkicking) lyric: “And now I’m takin’ these shots like it’s novacane, yeah.”
14 JOSH KELLY (GWS)
Cinderella Man — Eminem
Kelly will be pleased Slim Shady surprise-dropped a new album on the weekend. He’s been sling tackled by Taylor Walker but he’s back only a month later and — like Cinderella — he’s ready for the ball.
Best bit: the invincible vibe.
Motivational lyric: “You know technically, I’m not even supposed to be here right now/ So f--- it/ Might as well make the most of it.”
13 ELLIOT YEO (West Coast)
All These Things That I’ve Done — The Killers
Gun utility who flies down the wing and loves to crank up this epic rock anthem from Las Vegas’ premier outfit. Yeo is throwing shade at Jack Riewoldt by picking this one.
Best bit: when it breaks down into “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier.”
Motivational lyric: “I want to shine on in the hearts of men/ I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand.” NB: a reference to his 2014 injury.
12 PHIL DAVIS (GWS)
Glorious feat. Skylar Grey — Macklemore
A victorious song for a biy who played Aussie rules in Canberra when other kids thought it was “not cool.” Vindication. This song continues Macklemore’s swift rise, Davis is aboard for GWS’ matching narrative.
Best bit: when they let the chorus breathe and Skylar bangs a sausage roll.
Motivational lyric: “Trudging through the mud to find the present, no ignoring us/ Got 20,000 deep off in the street like we some warriors.” Congrats on 25,000 members.
11 TOM MCDONALD (Melbourne)
How to Make Gravy — Paul Kelly
A source close to the club texted me “He’s a bit left centre, not fully Gawn but a little different.” Let’s see if the Dees can make gravy in September and have all their Christmases come at once.
Best bit: when he throws a forgettable ex-boyfriend under the bus. “What was his name again? Just a little too much cologne.”
Motivational lyric: “I’ll be making plenty, I’m gonna pay ‘em all back.”
10 SHAUN GRIGG (Richmond)
One Dance feat. Wizkid, Kyla — Drake
The Grigg with the Rig goes to Toronto for his pump-up jam. There’s talk the 190 cms Tiger can do some rucking against Hawthorn if needed. Hmm. Drake thought he could mix it with Cleveland Cavaliers’ Kendrick Perkins in the NBA playoffs and nearly got knocked back to Degrassi High.
Best bit: imagining Grigg in the clurrrb drinking Hennessy.
Motivational lyric: “Strength and guidance/ All that I’m wishing for my friends”
9 JEREMY MCGOVERN (West Coast)
Let The Drummer Kick — Citizen Cope
Clinch West Coast player opts for, um, rap-rock and just like his kick after the siren at first it seems destined to fail then steadies up and comes good.
Best bit: tinkling piano and the gritty Beastie Boys meets Filter vibes.
Motivational lyric: “Determination (What gets you out)”
8 GRANT BIRCHALL (Hawthorn)
The Horses — Daryl Braithwaite
Wishful thinking, maybe. Birchall may return to the Hawks despite having last played when players were riding penny farthings to games and a pot of beer cost a shilling and a thimble of boot polish. Time to get back on the horse, Birch.
Best bit: that first chorus will silence the neigh-sayers.
Motivational lyric: “Way up in the sky, little darlin’/ And if you fall I’ll pick you up, pick you up.”
7 SAM BUTLER (West Coast)
A Whole New World — Peabo Bryson & Regina Belle (Aladdin Soundtrack)
Sam Butler, take a bow. Wait a minute, this guy has retired. What Genie granted him his wish and snuck him in here?
Best bit: looking up Peter Andre and Jordan’s live version of this song on YouTube. Shocker.
Motivational lyric: “Unbelievable sights, indescribable feelings.”
6 BRODIE GRUNDY (Collingwood)
Back in Black — AC/DC
An absolute balltearer. This strutting 1980 hit gets the Instagram influencer up and about, Grundy made the All Australian team for football and man-buns. Nat Fyfe is seething.
Best bit: Brian Johnson going for the “errrrrh hey hey heyyyyy” like Jimmy Barnes being strangled with a black’n’white scarf.
Motivational lyric: “I’m just makin’ my play/ Don’t try to push your luck, just get out of my way.”
5 MASON COX (Collingwood)
Born in the USA — Bruce Springsteen
Staying patriotic, like a Boss. Cox congratulated four of his teammates on All Australian selection and tweeted “Very well deserved. Still waiting for the All American Squad to come out though.”
Best bit: the feeling of gritty, hard-fought triumph permeating all 4.38 mins.
Motivational lyric: “The first kick I took was when I hit the ground.”
4 CAL WARD (GWS)
American Boy feat. Estelle — Kanye West
Ward takes the tap from Cox and runs with it on this crisp, up-tempo R & B “hip house” hit. American Boy still sounds as modern as tomorrow. And it’s before Kanye jumped the shark, Yeezus.
Best bit: the free-falling “la la la laaaaa lee la.” The effortless of the composition matches Ward’s natural rise to captaincy.
Motivational lyric: “I really want to come kick it with you.”
3 LUKE PARKER (Sydney Swans)
Livin’ on a Prayer — Bon Jovi
His March 25 bicycle kick goal against West Coast Eagles gave every fan a holy moment. Parker missed the clash with the Hawks so he’ll be praying to Denim Jesus (Jon Bon Jovi) this song can lift his groin issue and get him right for Sunday’s clash with GWS.
Best bit: the greatest key change since Michael Jackson’s Man in The Mirror.
Motivational lyric: “Take my hand, we’ll make it I swear.”
2 JAKE MELKSHAM (Melbourne)
New Sensation — INXS
The Dees are the new sensations this September and Snake is ready to slither all over the ‘G in front of 90,000 like Michael Hutchence on stage at Wembley. Melbourne should adopt this as the pre-game song they blare in the warm-ups while the mascots pay air-guitar.
Best bit: the wild horns.
Motivational lyric: “Gotta hold on you, a new sensation, (a new sensation).”
1 TRAVIS VARCOE (Collingwood)
NOTHING ELSE MATTERS — METALLICA
Music brings the world together. It heals. This song is especially poetic after Varcoe lost his sister playing the game we all love. Nothing Else Matters will give Travis the rifle-sharp focus to get through this finals campaign as a tribute to Maggie.
Best bit: the way it rises up and strikes like a cobra at the 5-min mark.
Motivational lyric: “So close, no matter how far/ Couldn’t be much more from the heart.”
Agree? Disagree? Which song should be number one?
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